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Scott Pasfield's Gay In America: He Asked, They Told

Posted: 09/27/11 01:52 PM ET

One night four years ago, I became obsessed by the idea that if I could meet a gay man, couple or family from every state, photograph them and tell their stories, I could make a book that would change hearts and minds.

There is a tendency to unjustly stereotype gay men, to buy into the discounted two-dimensional presentation of gay men in the media. I wanted to meet the real gay men of America: The fathers, brothers, sons and nice guys next door-who just happen to be gay. So, I went looking for "out" America men who are living their lives without second guessing, proud of who they are, happy with where they live and willing to talk about who they are, why and how they came out and how their sexuality does-and does not-define who they are.

I photographed men of every age, religion and race. Young men, seniors, Muslims, Jews, white and black, rich, poor, anonymous and familiar. I met men dealing with the universal issues of growing up, religion, violence, immigration, marriage, parenting, family, love-but as gay men. Varied, valiant and in many cases victorious, these beautiful men are bound together in Gay In America.

I photographed DADT repeal activist Dan Choi for the cover. He is an extraordinary gay soldier who helped right a wrong that was such a source for so much hatred, and in doing so, became a true hero. When I shot him in his uniform on that snow-covered street in Cambridge, I saw a man proud of all he is and all that he has accomplished. Like every other man in the book, he just happens to be gay. Period.

If I had realized growing up that there were so many options--that I didn't have to be this kind of gay or that kind of gay-had I been able to take comfort in knowing I was not alone in my feelings, it would have made a huge difference in how and when I accepted and learned to love myself.

With the current political and cultural climate in our country being what it is, every one of us needs to do what we can to make life better for our neighbors and, consequently, ourselves. I've become an unintentional activist with this project, as have the men in this book. If more people chose to take their love and do something good with it, we'd see real, positive and lasting change. I took my love for people, photography and travel and created a book that I hope will help America better understand what it means to be a gay man in America. I believe it is a book very much of our time and culture.

Today, the result of that epiphany four years ago, GAY IN AMERICA will be published by Welcome Books. Activist and Broadway producer Tom Kirdahy and his husband, the playwright Terrence McNally graciously wrote the brilliant introduction. 50 states. 140 gay men. 54,000 miles later. This is my story and most importantly, their stories. I love them all.

Reprinted with permission from Gay in America. Welcome Books. Copyright © 2011 Scott Pasfield

See below for images and stories from the book:


Dan - Massachusetts
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"I decided to serve my country by going to college as far away from my Southern Baptist Korean American parents as possible. My mom refused to pay application costs for any college outside of California, so I applied to all the military academies. Knowing I was gay but vowing to keep it a secret when I entered West Point about 3,000 miles away, I suppose you could say I was a bit nervous. But after watching the Steven Spielberg film Saving Private Ryan, I was encouraged by the military ethos of teamwork, sacrifice, and selfless service.

From our first moments at the military academy we took the Cadet Honor Code to heart: "You will not lie or tolerate lying." At chapel, reciting the Cadet Prayer was just as powerful and uncompromising: "Never be content with the half truth when the whole can be won."

- Dan, Cambridge, MA

 
One night four years ago, I became obsessed by the idea that if I could meet a gay man, couple or family from every state, photograph them and tell their stories, I could make a book that would change...
One night four years ago, I became obsessed by the idea that if I could meet a gay man, couple or family from every state, photograph them and tell their stories, I could make a book that would change...
 
 
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Loyal Whig
"Some animals are more equal than others."
12:20 PM on 10/02/2011
The people who need to read this book won't and the people who don't need to read it will.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
threnodymarch
Art is long, life is short.
11:18 AM on 09/29/2011
I think this will do a lot to get rid of the stereotypes surrounding gay men. I have never cared about sexual preference simply because I don't believe sexuality defines you as a person. I don't think being gay - or not being gay - says anything about the way you conduct yourself as a human being, and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that so many people DO judge you in that way. It's astounding. But I digress. I would love to see Pasfield do a book of a gay women next. All of these voices need to be heard. Excuse me while I go buy my copy...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
CornetMustich
06:36 AM on 09/29/2011
Kudos to Dan. Cheers, Joe
Joe Mustich, CT USA
Justice of the Peace, Minister, ULC
09:16 PM on 09/28/2011
I am so very proud to be included in this book. It is a real treasure and a pleasure to read. Hopefully my inclusion will help bring about change to Arkansas.
04:11 PM on 09/28/2011
Sad that the title of the book is Gay in America, and women are excluded entirely. I guess it should have been Gay Men in America. That said, what I've seen of the book is lovely, and I'm surprised to say that I know two of the men pictured above personally. Good luck with the project, and please definitely put forward the idea of chronicling our sisters' stories.
04:03 PM on 09/28/2011
I have been reading this book, Scott's done something pretty amazing for all those folks that never knew they could fit in, he's shown, you just have to be yourself. You can be you, live where you want, do what you want, live, love, and yes suffer loss and hardship, and all the rest that come with being a man in America. Pretty incredible vision to have carried out this "mission" to bring the idea to completion. This article speaks well, but.. you have to read the book, and if the story that start on page 111 doesn't help you understand the struggles that men face with self identification in our society, how hard it is for many men to acknowledge they are gay because they don't "seem" like what they see, easier to just let it ride. Then something happens when it hits and you can't deny it. If more folks knew you could be yourself, perhaps we would have happier people.
03:22 PM on 09/28/2011
An amazing undertaking by a truly amazing and talented idividual. I have been waiting 6 months to receive this book and I am so very excited that it will finally arrive on Saturday. This book will very proudly be displayed in my home and I encourage all to be open to reading it. Thank you Scott!
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mlkx
occupy the overworld
11:30 AM on 09/28/2011
Wonderful project - sounds like a great book. I think it will be helpful too because sometimes people need to see more to understand more.
07:57 AM on 09/28/2011
Amazing piece of work that shows so many different aspects of gay men in america...stereotypes shattered and some upheld. A true and genuine look into many lives. We are not all alike, just as divierse and unique as everyone.
07:26 AM on 09/28/2011
Great article - can't wait to receive my book...
11:47 PM on 09/27/2011
Just ignore the nasty detractors. They have pitiful few venues to vent their acid, miserable thoughts.

Lesbian sisters, some beautiful woman will cling to a similar dream and your stories will be shared with the world as well.

We are probably one of the older couples honored to be participants in this beautiful undertaking, and we are totally proud of the finished book. The comments by the various men from all walks of gay life and delightful insights into their respective reality of living where they are planted are of extraordinary value. Our family and friends are totally excited by this visual trophy. Thank you, Scott for following your dream, thank you Welcome Books for taking the step of affirmation to publish this work, and thank you, Huffington Post for allowing space in your widely respected media source to share the news of a dream realized. We salute all of you.
This comment has been removed due to violations of our [Guidelines]
06:15 PM on 09/27/2011
Equal rights does not mean that we need to know about other groups ways. I am nit interested in religious practices, sexual preferences or sexual behavior. However, I do believe in full equal rights for all. Get on with your lives. Do not expect me to be interested.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ioan Lightoller
Proud Married Gay Pagan Man
09:01 PM on 09/27/2011
If you aren't interested, then why did you bother to look at the article and post instead of just getting on with your life?
05:35 AM on 09/28/2011
I will try to keep in mind that freedom of expression should be limited to subjects that I find very interesting.
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angelcakesinc
Tolerance of intolerance is intolerable
04:29 PM on 09/28/2011
If you're not interested you don't have to read the book, or the article, for that matter. Pretty simple solution, no? That being said thank you for supporting equality and please keep fighting with us and all the other groups that need to keep fighting for equal rights.
05:49 PM on 09/28/2011
Your supercilious remarks would suggest that you believe that with respect to the struggle for equality folks like you are in the majority. And, by folks like you I mean those who are interested in the lifestyles, belief systems or worldviews of groups seeking equality.

Well, i do not think that is the case. I believe that the majority of people who support all moves towards human equality actually have little interest in the lifestyles, belief systems or worldviews of many of the groups of people whom they support.

I attended anti-apartheid demos with many people who had no idea about life in South South Africa, other than racial injustice. They were supporting a cause, a principle. Same or similar applies to many other struggles for equality.

How dare you thank me as if you are at the center and I am on the periphery. Get off your high horse pal.
05:42 PM on 09/27/2011
I hope this book helps homophobics see that being gay isn't a bad thing, it's a different thing. There is nothing wrong with having a different preference then someone else. Character is the most important thing. A nice guy is still nice no matter his sexual preference.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ioan Lightoller
Proud Married Gay Pagan Man
09:02 PM on 09/27/2011
Fanned and faved. But based on some of the comments here, I doubt it.
08:42 AM on 09/28/2011
The problem is that people pass their views on to their kids so the kids of homophobes are being raised to BE homophobes. In College in South Carolina (Fall 1999 - Spring 2001) I had a bunch of openly gay friends and among the other Southern kids it was MOSTLY accepted but among the adults, at least at that time, it mostly wasn't. I even knew a lesbien couple who roomed together and our Sophomore year got engaged. I still saw more homohphobes there though when I transfered to a school in Pennsylvania (I'm from NJ). I'm not gay but was always raised to care more about personality then differences.
04:49 PM on 09/27/2011
Why was there a priest's photo at the beginning of this story?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ioan Lightoller
Proud Married Gay Pagan Man
05:43 PM on 09/27/2011
Because (gasp!) there are gay priests.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AngryCitizen
Politician and Gay Author
11:50 PM on 09/27/2011
and Bishops, and Cardinals, and Popes!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ark Trucker
02:15 AM on 09/28/2011
Although, he did say he had been Southern Baptist. I don't belive he is a priest but surely a member of the clergy.