As I continue to pay off more and more financial debt from my past along with deepening the conscious feelings of self-love, my vision for recognizing support gets clearer, and perhaps more clearly stated; as I continue to allow Universal Energy Flow to come into my life by opening the channels of receiving through deeper self-love, the more I recognize the support of Universal Energy Flow in my life. That might sound like a circular statement, and indeed the reality of it is circular.
The physical debt is simply a bookmark to remind me where I've left off in my growth and development in recognition of who and what I am as Love. When the financial debt has been completed, there will be other bookmarks and milestones in my evolution or devolution (depending on your perspective) back to embodied recognition of Truth.
The "mirror principle" (everything that shows up in my life as mirror of where I'm at within myself) is getting easier to work with. Or rather, my resistance to seeing it is less. Even when my resistance to looking in the mirror of my life circumstances feels like it's peaking, the memories of positively stretching past my comfort zone and getting the lessons continue to build a force within me that is more and more palpable, more available to me, day by day.
Today, the mirror is showing me that in my case it's all about support. Where do I feel unsupported? These are the places where I get to practice opening, trusting, and letting go of expectations around what my ego has made up that support should look like. How the heck can my ego possibly know what support looks like? Why would I look to its notions, or past negative emotions, to let me know what support should look like in the present moment? It can't know.
The ego is a perpetuated sense of separateness; it's a verb. It's the activity of perpetuating a felt sense of separation. If I'm letting my ego guide me to safety, I'm screwed. By definition, it's always going to attempt to steer me towards the feeling of separation. Feelings of universal support aren't part of its benefits package.
It's funny to me sitting here writing this -- humorous because I still see the tendency to look to my circumstances, including how my ego is interpreting the support (or lack thereof) from people in my life based on how it sees their actions. Yet the ego is always looking through glasses colored by the lenses of separation. It's reflexive; it keeps turning back on itself. Maybe this is what the Buddhists are referring to when teaching about the "wheel of Samsara" (suffering), this endless hamster wheel of actions that perpetuate the same negative feelings, and which would try to convince me that since I'm still running, I must be getting somewhere, and that if I run faster and harder, I'll get further. Further where? Around the same infinite wheel of same shit different day. Ha ha ha!
This is where it gets subtle for me, the keyhole into freeing awareness, that is. Learning over time to work with my own attention and rooting it deeper into a place of clear seeing, clear knowing, and clear hearing. Again and again, this brings me back to the teaching of the sages from the Yoga Vasistha: "The world is as you see it."
Learning to see with increased clarity arises from practices that shift the seeing from the eyes of separation to the Eye of Wholeness. This might be starting to sound difficult to grasp, or maybe even confusing. It's not. If it sounds confusing, you may be listening through the ego. If it sounds clear, you've likely meditated today, or engaged with a meditation-like practice that connects you to pure awareness (the felt sense of wholeness that ultimately recognizes no separation between myself and anything "else").
The most formidable act of self-support I can give myself on a daily basis is to meditate, to allow my attention to turn within to the source of support, that which supports all of life, which animates all of life. From there, my actions, thoughts, and feelings become active demonstrations in my life of being supported. It only follows that the mirror of my life will reveal supportive people coming closer, revealing supportive circumstances.
Now here's the irony: even without being aware of this Net of Support, I've been supported by it all along. In having experiences of "feeling" unsupported by people or events in my past, I was and am supported through the negative experiences to want, look for and take action towards experiencing a more supported life. So even the "negative" has been a form of active support in my life to teach me and lead me to the Truth about Love: Love is the source of everything. It is always Here and Now. I am that Love, and so are You. When I actively live in this awareness, life, people, and circumstances will look and feel supportive.
"The world is as you see it." ~ Yoga Vasistha
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