Huffpost Sports
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Scott Swanay Headshot

NFL Week 15 - Tweet Dreams

Posted: Updated:

Hypothetical tweets from real NFL figures!

@JasonWitten Can you believe our luck? The Redskins already stink, and now they're starting Rex Grossman as their QB! #whostolemikeshanahansbrain

@sidneyrice We decided to celebrate our 50th season with a giant game of musical chairs in sub-freezing temperatures. #raisesallaroundforthemarketingdepartment

@ChrisCanty99 We heard that @MikeVick wants to get a dog again. We're all going to chip in and send him a shih tzu. #sadsack

@kwill35 (Keiland Williams) Coach Shanahan defended his decision to switch quarterbacks by saying that Rex Grossman has lost as many Super Bowls as Donovan McNabb. #scapegoating

@DeSeanJackson10 If we unleash @MikeVick he has the ability to move the chains. #enoughalreadydwiththestupiddogpuns

@ndamukong_suh Bleeping Brett Favre autographed our locker room wall 500 times! #nowonderhisshoulderhurt

@D_Hest23 (Devin Hester) Is the Rex Grossman who's now starting for Washington the same one who used to play here? #geewhatacoincidence #latergator

@ClayMatthews52 @AaronRodgers has spent his downtime this week spreading false rumors about Morgan Freeman on Twitter. #deathbenotproud

@JeremyShockey @Pierre_Thomas comes back and now @ivory_29 (Chris Ivory) is hurt. Are running backs' injuries contagious? #pagingdrgupta

@JonathanStewar1 If we don't beat Arizona this weekend, we may not win another game this season. #notasbadasitsounds

@EarnestGraham Coach Morris is still telling us we're the best team in the NFC. #doeshecomewithalaughtrack

@Erikcoleman26 We're so confident that we're already trying to scrounge up extra tickets for the Super Bowl. #miamivice

@thehawk38 (Dashon Goldson) The good thing about losing a Thursday night game is that we can't possibly lose again for 10 days. #positivespin

@MardyGilyard Coach Spagnulo has a bet with the other NFC West head coaches that we'll all finish below .500. #somethingtobeproudof

@Hasselbeck (Matt Hasselbeck) So many of our receivers have been hurt that we'll be setting up a triage tent on our sideline. #stat

@kerryrhodes We've nicknamed our offense the Skelton Crew. #fitsinmorewaysthanone

@jimleonhard Looks like the Knicks' plan to use @OfficialBraylon (Braylon Edwards) to recruit @KingJames (LeBron James) to New York backfired. #wheresthebeef

@Kold91 (Cameron Wake) I don't want to single out anyone for our offense's struggles, but our quarterback play has been terrible. #ahenneforyourthoughts

@CJSPILLER I wonder if O.J. watches our games in prison. #therealspiller

wilfork75 (Vince Wilfork) Since both Wes Welker and Deion Branch are less than six feet tall, we're thinking of calling them the smurfs. #thatnicknamesbeenusedalready

@Cosby12 (Quan Cosby) We're hoping our fans don't insult the Browns and their fans. #wheressamwychewhenyouneedhim

@Reggie_Hodges Colt McCoy says Jake Delhomme's the best mentor a rookie quarterback could ever have. #winningisoverrated

@lawrencetimmons Who cares that our defense scored more points than our offense last week? We still won. #wontworkagainstnewengland

@MichaelOher We've been upset ever since WikiLeaks revealed that our offense isn't very good. #nobodywassurprised

@dwightfreeney At least writers aren't asking us about Peyton's slump any more. Now if we could just keep our receivers and running backs healthy. #notenoughcortisone

@briancushing56 I didn't think Matt Schaub would complete a pass in overtime. Unfortunately, I was wrong. #unhappyending

@JavonRinger23 Kerry Collins has been great with sharing his experiences with us. Not everyone has lost two Super Bowls. #giantdisappointment

@MarcedesLewis89 If we beat the Colts we'll clinch our division and be able to rest our starters the last two weeks. #strategery

@JacobyFord12 If we can't make the playoffs ourselves, hopefully we can beat other teams and keep them out too. #bahhumbug

@jcharles24 (Jamaal Charles) Matt Cassel without an appendix is still better than Brodie Croyle with an appendix. #neitherworthreading

@mrblloyd (Brandon Lloyd) Even though Kyle Orton can't play, we still feel good about our chances with @TimTebow. #divineintervention

@Ali_Highsmith7 If only we could figure out how to play this well in the first two months of the season. #flipcalendartonovember

From Our Partners