You know, I have my doubts about Sarah Palin's fitness to be Commander in Chief if John McCain passes away due to skin cancer, life fatigue, and/or sheer boredom with the human condition, as he seems about to do every time I see him. Whether he makes it to Inauguration Day is an open question, but January 20, 2013? I'm sorry. There's just no way. Have you seen him lately? He seems to have very little will left, and also seems barely able to understand where he is. And Sarah Palin? She scares me. She seems like a pathological nutcase and I also don't believe her hairdo is real. Are we sure there isn't a tchotchke or a small piece of Tupperware underneath that mess? She's lied about everything else, why not that?
I will, here and now, on the Huffington Post's official political comedy subsidiary website, offer $50 to anyone who feels around inside Sarah Palin's hairdo during one of her public appearances to see if that thing is real. John McCain, this includes you. Just one quick hand up into the beehive during a campaign stop and the $50 is yours.
I also don't know if the Senate's chief proponent of the Iraq War is the best choice to extricate us from that fiasco, of if Mr. Champion of Deregulation is the man to lead us out of the current financial meltdown.
But on one issue I am standing strong and firm with John McCain: The looming financial crisis calls for the immediate cessation of our democracy. The last thing we need right now is a public debate between two political candidates over what caused the current financial mess and how it might be solved. And we especially don't need this kind of discussion between the two men vying to be President.
Candidates for President answering questions about the preeminent issue of the day? An open discussion on the subject before the American people? In an election year? Please. Not only would that risk informing the public, but also John McCain is not prepared and ohmigod he also has Alzheimers how do we keep this a secret we cannot let anyone find out we must postpone the debate at any cost--give any reason I don't care--we cannot have him speaking publicly the man is a shell, a shell I'm telling you JESUS!
Also, I agree that McCain and Obama are urgently needed in Washington. Right now, with Senators McCain and Obama on the trail, there are only 48 senators in Washington to deal with this crisis. They're two senators short!
And don't tell me John McCain is not important. He's the de facto leader of the Republican party. In a time of national crisis, no politically and morally bankrupt party can be expected to lead without its principal figurehead declaiming talking points in front of a bank of television cameras. Who else is going to do that job? Mitch McConnell?
Also, can I just point out how inappropriate it was of Barack Obama to suggest that it would be fine to hold the debate while working to resolve the financial crisis, because sometimes the President has to do two things at once? Give me a break. As if we want a president who is smart enough to juggle conflicting demands. Really, this Obama guy is just way too black uh uppity uh arrogant for his own good.
Well, the good news is that while a slight majority appear to favor the more intelligent candidate, who appears unflappable and considers all sides of an issue before making a decision, at least the rest of America has not lost its mind. John McCain is polling consistently around 43%. There are 300 million people in America. That means roughly 129 million people think electing John McCain would be the best thing we could do for our country. That's more people than make up the entire population of the country of Japan.
America! What a country!
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