I'm writing to you about the War on Christmas. More on that below. But first, I'd like to baselessly make fun of you. Why is it your head seems so narrow and foreheady from the front, but in profile your head is like E.T.'s head: super wide. Or deep. Deep and wide. Whatever. It looks like a completely different head. That of a fat man. Or as if your head was mashed in a vice grip like that scene...