I know you've had a long day.

Apparently, federal agents showed up at your house to arrest you at 6 a.m. for trying to sell Barack Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder.

You're probably wondering what to do. I have some advice.

Back in 2004, I had a rather infamous run-in with Patrick Fitzgerald, the U.S. Attorney in Chicago who has taken such a keen interest in you. He was also, of course, appointed special prosecutor in...