The spiritual center of the universe here. I'm just reaching out across countless galaxies, through burning stars and endlessly dark black holes, to tell you to STFU about Michael Jackson. Oh, don't make that face and proceed to perform a stiff-lipped, defiant "Thriller" dance in my direction (which, yes, is everywhere). I'm not telling you to stop because I'm sick of hearing about MJ (although, yes, I am) -- it's for the safety of your eternal soul.

See, it's a...