All of McCain's Base Belongs to Us: Why It Won't Even Be Close

It's over.

It's mathematically impossible for John McCain to win.

Were the great Tim Russert still with us, he would call the election for Obama at 7pm Eastern time. No, I'm not talking about November 4th -- I mean tonight.

Here we are in the present -- an electric casserole of breaking news ("Obama wears flag pin!"), Internet warfare ("lol McCain is teh oldz!"), and screaming gas bags who are terrified of women ("We'll do it LIVE!"). The MSM is trying to convince us that we're in for a twelve-round brawl. That McCain's going to give Obama a run for his $500M. That's all well and good, and I'm sure it'll make for some riveting television -- if you're the type of person who still watches Harlem Globetrotters games on the edge of your seat, convinced the Washington Generals will pull this one out.

But the truth is, it's not going to be close. Not even a little bit.

Imagine yourself in a high school history class a century from now. Imagine the teacher beginning the section on the elections of 2008 by setting the scene: "America's economy was in flames, we were fighting two wars with no end in sight, and global warming was accelerating at an alarming rate. The most despised president in 150 years was nearing the end of his two corruption-ridden terms, and had heartily endorsed his successor, John McCain -- who, despite a few ideological differences, planned on keeping the status quo intact. Running against him was a lightning-in-a-bottle candidate named Barack Obama. A candidate who had nearly six times the money to spend, drew crowds of 70,000, and who received support from a surprising number of disenfranchised Republicans -- even some of the Evangelicals who swept Bush to power. Obama was the story. He captured the imagination of young Americans and the world. Now, by a show of hands -- who thinks McCain won that election?" (A particularly easy question, since they're sitting in Barack Obama High).

Whatever you think about McCain -- whether you love him or hate him -- you can't deny that he's a victim of horrible timing. Everywhere you look, there are tidal forces -- geopolitical, economic, and social forces -- trending in Obama's favor. McCain is running on a war record in a country aching for peace. He's running on an admitted lack of economic knowledge in a country aching for economic reform. Healthcare, foreign policy, energy -- in each case his sales pitch is twenty years behind the curve, much like the declining party for which he has the unfortunate honor of being standard bearer. Worst of all, his base doesn't even like him. Sure, they might pull that lever, but they'll be holding their noses with the other hand. If Obama's base is "fired up and ready to go," McCain's base is more like "reheated and I'll get around to it."

All McCain's base are belong to us.

Call it whatever you want: arrogance, a jinx -- but let's be honest with ourselves -- this thing is over. I know, I know. "A lot can happen between now and November." I know that we Democrats are used to scurrying around like we're on Meerkat Manor, with a sky full of Neocon hawks overhead. I know that we've perfected the art of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. But can't you feel it in the smog-kissed air? Feel that this year is different? This year, we've got a candidate who refuses to cower in the face of the old Rove/Atwater/Dobson line of attack. A candidate who understands that you can't change the world unless you win, and that you don't have to sell your soul to do it. And despite some bruises, we've got a Democratic Party on its way toward unprecedented unity and energy.

I don't care if footage of Obama snorting coke off Scarlett Johansson's boobs surfaces in late October. All it will do is bolster his standing with white males. I don't care if McCain is introduced by a resurrected Jesus Christ at the convention. All it will do is piss off Joe Lieberman. McCain won't just be defeated, he'll be crushed. And not just Bob Dole crushed, but crushed in a way that redefines the political map for the next 25 years.

He'll be crushed so decidedly, that bartenders will coin a new drink called "The McCrush" -- vodka and Orange Crush over crushed ice, served in a hollow flip-flop with a sprig of pandering. The networks will switch over to infomercials at 10pm on Election Night, because they'll have nothing left to cover after Obama's victory speech. Webster's will add the word "McCained" to its thesaurus entry for "crushed." Gamers will start taunting each other with new words like "Obampwnd!" and "McNoob!." Somewhere, out there in the everlasting ether of death, Barry Goldwater will feel better about himself.

Jinx or no jinx, I'm not going to be a Meerkat Democrat -- not this year. This year, I'm celebrating the Fourth with some burgers, some fireworks, and a nice, cool McCrush.

This year I'm the friggin' hawk.

Seth Grahame-Smith is the author of Pardon My President: Ready-to-Mail Apologies for Eight Years of George W. Bush

Comments

[bbbear]

You may be right. And since Russet was on the payroll of the ultra billionaires who really run things, if he said it was over, one could bank on it.

That is, Obama's latest actions seems to indicate he understands he must past muster of the Ultra Billionaires ( Owners )who own the Military/Industrial complex, as well as the generals who run it for them. ( Hey, even CIA is directed by a four star general. )

Maybe if Obama can fully prove he's "patriotic" and will continue feeding the Military/ Industrial Complex, appear to improve the lives of the working class, and appease the workers of the world, then the "Owner's" will swing the media fully to Obama.

Still, it's a longshot, but if McCain can convince the "Owners" that he has the moxie to achieve the same thing as Obama, while continuing policies some "Owners" no longer find as useful, then who knows?

I prefer Nader, but since he can never get an electoral vote, he can't be elected, so he's out.

And until the Electoral College is replaced with the popular vote, we're stuck with a list off whomever the corporate party allows us to choose from...

In the end, it seems the "owners" will opt for Obama and maybe another 10 years in Iraq.

[coollbreezz]

Tim Russert was trained, educated by the Jesuits to be a super-agent for the NWO. Who do you think run things in the world?
http://joeland7.wordpress.com/2008/06/13/the-mystical-rapture-and-new-world-order

[Eric8sf]

Wow, what a nice read. I know I'm one of the left coast liberals that shake my head in disbelief at the heartland and their voting habits. However, I too share your view of the election. As much as I am constantly perplexed by the South and the Midwest and the lower class voting for people who couldn't give a rodent's appendage about them, I am cautiously optomistic this time around. We must all be ready for the worst slime-fest possible out of the Rove machine but, to quote Anne Frank, " I have faith in the goodness of man".

Hail to President Obama! That means we can travel to Europe again!

[bowserbois]

You can only travel to Europe again if you can afford it. I don't see many Americans being able to afford it anytime in the near future.

[wagadog]

correction to engrish grammar. That's: "All McCain Base ARE belong to us."

[coollbreezz]

Yes Yes yes.. Obama Wins by a landslide.. Footnote: Women refused to vote for McCain after they found out how he abandoned his first wife Carol for a woman he met in a bar in Hawaii, had an affair with and married a month after he divorced Carol.. McCain may be an officer but he is no Gentleman.
http://joeland7.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/beware
http://www.zimbio.com/Carol+McCain/articles/5/IIN+DEFENSE+OF+CAROL+MCCAIN

[jhamm1]

"Imagine the teacher beginning the section on the elections of 2008 by setting the scene: "America's economy was in flames, we were fighting two wars with no end in sight, and global warming was accelerating at an alarming rate."

Yes, but you are by default assuming that Americans are inherently rational people who will by default cast their vote in favor of the candidate who champions their best interest, hardly a charateristic which voters in the United States are noted for.

Let's not pop the cork just yet, as even the media's affinity for distortion will not dissuade the fact that, depending on what happens between now and November, it could still go either way.

[jpreba]

Mmmmm, orange McCrush... I think I'll enjoy an Obama Mama at the same time!

[SaltySaltillo]

A bit premature and a lot of wishful thinking. Obama still has to win a bunch of uncertain states like OH, IN, MO, VA, NV, CO... It isn't enough that he is carrying 70% of the vote in CA, NY and MA. We still don't have a popular vote system.

[DigitalZombie]

Has no one heard of Diebold?

[Kristen777]

Can somebody explain to me why the DNC, MoveOn and other watchdogs have not gone full force after the Diebold thing? I mean seriously, it's elementary programming for crying out loud!

[Beachrunner]

Exactly.

[neesy08]

this is obama's race to win, for sure, but lets not get cocky. hrc did and look what happened

[iheardthisbefore]

Dear Seth,

Though I believe that Obama will win in November,
I truly think you're delusional.....I mean, do you look at ANY
of the polling sources?

[BigBen]

As I read the headlines I could not help thinking; who is Us? Is it the Us who support Nafta, or Us who don't? Is it Us who support FISA or Us who don't? Is it Us who support the gun control of the Supreme Court or Us who support wider control? Is it the Us who support expanding the death penalty or Us who oppose expanding it? Is it the Us who are in favor of immediately talking with terrorists or Us who are not? Is it Us who support the Palestinians right to share Jerusalem or the Us who don't?Is it the Us who favor immediate withdrawal from Iraq or Us who don't?The Us who believe in separation of church and state or Us who don't?Is it the Us who gives speeches about patriotism or the Us who believe you should not discuss it?The Us who cheer loudly for Michelle or the Us who think she should be given privacy?The Us who believe there is no need to wear the flagpin or the Us who wear it?Just who is Us?

[leeskyblue]

I was about to say the same thing but Ben said it better. Who cares if Obama wins? The man will evidently turn coat whenever it is expedient. Just what position on any issue can we rely upon come what may? If you rely on both candidates records of reversing themselves, McCain actually might actually turn out to be the slightly better candidate -- an unpalatable choice to be sure, but it has happened before that the warmonger candidate turns out to be the better peace president, and the hard-line conservative may actually come up with better social programs because he will have less opposition from his own party. It has happened before.
All this is just a "hope" of course, a word I am sick and tired of hearing. I don't look forward to voting this time.

[Cathexis]

To repeat my favorite phrase of 2008:

"Come November, John McCain will be spanked like a Republican Congressman on Fetish Night at the Mustang Ranch!"

[BigBen]

You know about that!

[ObjectiveAutismDad]

DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN!

[pithy]

Everybody should e-mail a copy of this to their congressmen and senators, with the headline "Get some Gonads, Gomers - we want out country freakin' BACK"

Love this piece - sick to death of sniveling and accommodating and negotiating with these criminals. Lets have some great, fiery speeches from the well of the house that send the republican rats back to the dark places from which they came!

[AzRealProgressive]

Not very pithy. Another BDS candidate.

[Cathexis]

ARP: You sound pithed. ;-)

[4real]

Great article. I don't care what the media throws out, I don't care about any gotcha moments. I will be voting for Obama no matter what happens.

I think he will be a great president and will put together a great team that will help turn this country around. We will regain respect around the world. If Mccane wins I believe he will run this country even lower than Bush. For a man who doesn't understand how to use a computer I don't get why anyone with sense can vote for him.

Obama is not just going to be the president of the left so people really need to get over that. He would be making a mistake if he just catered to the left and ignored all others. He has a strategy.

If he voted against FISA he would be soft on terror. If he disagreed with the supreme court he would lose PA. He is a smart man and knows that he has to do things that are safe sometimes. A primary is different from a general election where the base of people is larger and you have to concern yourself with their needs too.

[Marlyn]

"He would be making a mistake if he just catered to the left and ignored all others." ???

So you think upholding the Constitution is "catering to the left"?

[Titonwan]

I'm sick of the blind loyalty of people. Sure, I gave him the benefit of the doubt when he was relatively unknown. I was at the old State Capitol here in Springfield when he announced he was running. I believed because I took him at his word. My My My. Just goes to show you, you can never be to old to be snookered. I was really excited. Beyond excited at the rhetoric and goals. Those dreams have been dashed as of late. When this atrocious FISA bill gets rammed through, fought by only a handful of TRUE patriots, then it will finally be over for me. Come November, I plan on being so far back in the woods fishing, it'd take another indian to find me. Sad, man, sad. The rest of you blind leading the blind- good luck with that. To me nothing will be one bit different- just a different pol with a different color. A Democratic Colin Powell. Carrying the water.

[Beaux510]

What do you really want? Until the election is over and the votes are counted the only thing that should be important is putting Obama in the WH, and done so in that way that seth named as CRUSHING. Then if Obama goes to the right, by all means, crucify him, eviscerate him. But first, WIN. Right now it's all just talk. We all knew this shift was coming for the general election. Grin and bear it. Just think of what we've all had to bear since the last election without the grin.

Obama on his most RIGHT day, is one thousand percent better than McCain on his most LEFT day.

Remember last time. I do. I thought that we would be celebrating the CERTAIN DEFEAT of the Chimp, instead, the nightmare continued for four more years.

Pragmatism for four months, calculated, ruthless pragmatism.

[sdskelton03]

I don't think this thing is as cut and dry as you believe. Here are just a couple of devil's advocate thoughts.

1. Obama's recent move to the center may cost him progressive votes to a third party or downright abstention.
2. Obama's reliance on the young may be a problem because we all know that the young may not pause GTA IV to head to the polls.
3. Despite cries of "McSame" on the left, most Americans don't equate McCain with Bush.
4. In Iraq, 13 of 15 benchmarks set by congress are reporting "satisfactory." The country may decide to give McCain a term to finish the job rather than vote for Obama to pull out.
5. If Israel attacks Iran's nuclear facilities before the election and the middle east goes to crap, I can see the country picking the older, more experienced guy.

[dudelette]

I have to agree.