Should Adopted Children be Allowed to Say "Mommy" and "Daddy?"

My wife and I are expecting our first child any day now. A beautiful, natural, biological child - just the way God intended children to be.

Impending fatherhood, plus the fact that my home state of California has proven that civil rights are subject to voter approval, has emboldened me to raise an issue that's been overlooked for years: the issue of adopted (or "unnatural") children's rights.

As a parent-to-be, I find it insulting that my biological son will be forced to share words like "mommy" and "daddy" with unnatural children. I feel that sharing cheapens those words, and weakens our natural father/son bond.

After all, if anybody can throw around words like "son" or "daughter" to describe someone they share absolutely no DNA with, where does it end? As far as I know, Kobe Bryant and I aren't related. So what's to stop me from calling Kobe my "son?" Or for that matter, my "daughter?" If unnatural advocates had their way, Kobe Bryant would, for all intents and purposes, be my daughter.

See what a slippery slope we're on here?

In order to protect the sanctity of natural parent/child relationships, I propose a ballot measure requiring unnatural children and parents to use the following terms: "Female Adopted Parent," "Male Adopted Parent," "Adopted Male Child," and "Adopted Female Child."

If you ask me, they're every bit as good as "mommy," daddy," "son," and "daughter." And what's more - those parents and children would still have most of the rights as natural families under my proposal.

Look, I have nothing against adoption. Some of my closest friends chose to be adopted as children, and I respect their right to reject the biological lifestyle. All I'm saying is, keep it away from my kid. Don't go teaching him that it's the same as his natural, God-approved union with his real mommy and daddy.

Besides, we all know that parents don't love adopted children as much as natural ones.

Just ask my daughter Kobe.

Comments

[glaslett]

In Australia Indigenous Australians refer to their mother's brother as father and their mother's sisters as mother and most elderly women as Auntie. And children are sometimes gifted to childless relatives rather than being adopted. So under your naming would the sisters of the Female Gifted Parent be Female Gifted Parents also even if one of the was the birth mother of the child? Perhaps Female Gifted Parent Mother while the birth father would as normal be Uncle.

If you want to understand the trouble this can cause check out "Eddie Mabo" as the whole case for Aboriginal Land Rights nearly failed because they did not follow adoption and kinship laws recognised under 'British' law.

Appreciate the article, it appeals to our Australian sense of humour.

[repjazz]

Nice twist !!!!!! But it makes you wonder what else will overly self righteous people with a God complex who have too much time on their hands think up just to make situations harder on others because they choose to buck the "normal" system. Differences should be celebrated and embraced. I think it is absolutely absurd how some feel they have the right to impose their beliefs and ideals into my life and they do not even know me. Maybe you could make the next twister about pharmacists and birth control. Ohh what a tangled web we weave.

[exhale09]

Your point well taken, and being 62 years old and adopted, I can tell you that the outrageous "unnatural" attitude towards adoptees that you were using in your article, used to be reality when I was growing up. I was called "ILLEGITIMATE" "Bastard Child" That did wonders for my self esteem.

I remember when I was eight and my family moved to a new neighborhood and I made a new friend, who invited me to her house. He mother was questioning me about my family who she had not yet met..the usual things...and then I told her I was adopted. She looked at me seriously, and said "You don't look ADOPTED!"

After that I noticed my new friend didn't seem to be available to play with me very often.

Then one day my own mother told me that " I " was not allowed to play with that same child anymore. When I asked why not, my mother said "Because her family is Jewish and the Jews killed Jesus"

On and On... irrational fear of OTHERS who we see as "different" from us, has caused so much pain, hate, and death, across the world, throughout history.

Enlightenment seems slow coming, but it is coming. It's up to us to speak out to change things. The beauty of our country is based in the words "ALL men are created equal" and have EQUAL RIGHTS...etc.

WE have to make those words a REALITY.



Your article does that. Thank you.

[mercury613]

Thank you for such a sensitive and insightful post, and for revealing those very personal stories. They add a deeply human element to this debate.

Your story about the little Jewish girl reminded me of a book I recently read about religion, wherein the author received a letter from a middle-aged woman who recounted two traumatic experiences from her early childhood: a) a trusted adult male family member touched her inappropriately; and b) her parents told her that her friend who had recently died was going to go to hell because she wasn't Christian. The woman said that she was eventually able to get over her molestation but that being told as a little girl that her friend was going to burn in hell for the rest of eternity is something that haunts her to this day.

Sometimes people have no idea how damaging their words can be.

[SirReal1]

"Nice twist !!!!!! But it makes you wonder what else will overly self righteous people with a God complex who have too much time on their hands think up just to make situations harder on others because they choose to buck the "normal" system."

I guess Seth can hang a "Mission Accomplished" banner on this post.

Getting ALL OF US to think about this, I am fairly confident, was the point!

[klmebane]

"Maybe you could make the next twister about pharmacists and birth control."

or medical professionals in general. for instance, a jewish or muslim heart surgeon who refuses to perform a transplant because the donor tissue came from a pig?

or back on the pharmacist thing, pharmD's who refuse to fill valid viagra Rx's, or a pharmacist who recently discovered scientology and refuses to dispense any medications at all?

[micheyb2]

I cannot believe how literal some reader's are being with this brilliant post. Nice job.

I'm that adopted baby and America is the mother that I can't call "mom" - but, she sure likes my tax dollars a heck of a lot. It's just so absurd and wrong that satire may just be the best approach. Otherwise, I may keep on weeping at how cruel and small minded people can be towards their neighbor.

[ESerafina42]

There's another point there. How DARE adoptive parents claim their "unnatural" children as dependents on their tax returns? Heavens - the next thing we know people will be going around adopting each other just for those benefits. What's to stop them from claiming members of other species? The sky is falling!

Actually, my cat IS my dependent, and I think I SHOULD be allowed to claim her. :)

[LeftRight]

I think that you can, to some extent. Like if her medical bills are REALLY high, you may be able to claim some of that. I'm not 100% on it though....

[DarthVector]

Perhaps we should eat these adoptive children instead. Dean Swift would certainly agree with this modest proposal.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal

incidentally, irony is the tool, satire is the genre.

[smag]

Please forgive me but I don't have a clue what this article is about. What is an "unnatural child"? And "Female Adoptive Parent". I try to stay current on things affecting families but I confess I am at a complete loss. I'm not being sarcastic or trying to funny. What is Seth Graham-Smith talking about? Are people now objecting to children calling their natural or adoptive parents "Momie", "Mother", "Mom". I feel like I walked into a room and every is speaking a language that I do not understand.

[DarthVector]

the word you are looking for is irony.

[Gidster]

It's an allegory for the Proposition 8 supporters.....

[monicaangela]

What an excellent analogy of the injustice that has just taken place in California. This is exactly the way to attack this problem. When you use a defenseless child, call him or her un-natural, decide what gender he/she will be called by with such wreckless abandon, and act as though you're doing all in the name of your children who will suffer some sort of injustice or inconsistency, well I just have to say, you have hit the perverbial nail on the head and shown without a doubt how ludacris the argument for passing prop 8 was. Thank you for your critical thinking and another marvelous article, I love it. Keep posting, someday they'll get it.

[propitiousmoment]

That would be "ludicrous". Ludacris is an entertainer.

[McMullen]

Seth, I'd apologize to you on behalf of all the people who didn't recognize the brilliance of this article, but since I'm not one of them, I don't think it's appropriate for me to speak for them.

[SeeDaddy]

Good grief!!!!
Seems that very few huffpo surfers know the difference between irony and satire. Hint: they are not the same thing. Go look it up.

[BleedingArtLiberal]

Oy vey!!!! I emailed this to all of my fabulous progressive friends, and based on the responses I got, I'm realizing that some of my friends may be fabulous and progressive, but they are a little deficient in detecting irony! Then I read through the rest of the comments to this post, and realized that satire is also lost on a similar percentage of huffposters! Sheesh!

I stand by my original comments... brilliant post!

[monicaangela]

You're correct, this is a brilliant post!!!!!1

[wendy31]

Agreed. Brilliant post.

[LeftRight]

I sent it to my whole family. The only person who replied was my wife, and she was offended, since my step-children call me dad!

[weatherwaxx]

I don't think this takes it far enough. Let's make sure that any REAL marriage includes rugrats! If any marriage of ONE man and ONE woman doesn't produce ONE child within, say, three years, it should be annulled. After all, it's all about the procreatin, isn't it? Never mind love, honor, and cherish till death do you part.

Oh, and widows and other seniors? Sorry... if you're too old to adopt, you're out too.

Isn't playing God FUN?

(Yes, for the irony-impaired -- this IS sarcasm.)

[LeftRight]

Forget that! We need more than one. We need to make 2.1 children per couple just to STAY EVEN!! EVERY family must have 3 children in no more than 6 years!!!!

[ryfleman]

People, it's called SATIRE. Look it up.

[billkarwin]

I see people's point that Seth's analogy to adopted kids is a little out of bounds, and seems like exploiting a group of underrepresented, needy people in the name of raising awareness about another group of underrepresented, oppressed people. Two wrongs don't make a right. Kind of.

How about this alternative:

We must stop liquid cleansers in their shameless agenda to claim the name "soap!" Anionic surfactants they may be, but that doesn't make it right to endow them with all the qualities of traditional soap.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not prejudiced -- I count cleansers of all varieties among my household supplies. But according to history and many wise leaders of true hygiene, making allowances for the agenda of liquid cleansers is only going to lead to... wait for it... a SLIPPERY SLOPE!

[Gidster]

That is very good!
Very funny, but does not tweak any visceral emotions.

[tuttlemsm]

Wow, there are a lot of people who can't draw an inference.

[billkarwin]

Agreed. I have often observed that written text is a really difficult and risky medium to use irony in.

In my experience, about 50% of Americans don't understand what irony is even when you're speaking with them face-to-face. They take your words literally and try to argue against your ersatz statements.

So if you put irony in writing, and remove all the nonverbal communication, about 80-90% of readers won't get it.

[Kathleen Reardon - Huffpost Blogger]

Seth: I don't think I've ever responded to another blogger, but I had to do so this time. I get the analogy but if you were an adoptive parent it would work better. I've been working with First Star www.firststar.orgg) to help children waiting for adoption and there are thousands of them. Why? Partly because people don't think they'll feel like REAL parents if they adopt and partly because of the myth that all children in foster care are damaged. I just co-authored a book called CHILDHOOD DENIED about children waiting for loving homes. I know you meant well, but don't use children next time, don't risk increasing the fear of those who might adopt that they won't be the "real" parents to make your point, don't risk that your humor using children will work so well that the down side won't hurt some little boy or girl waiting for a mom and dad. I and my three adoptive children congratulate you on your biological child. I have a sense of humor and an appreciation of satire, but this time I think your joy clouded your judgment.

[canadiansoccermom]

Thanks for saying it well.
When I first read this article I too misunderstood what he was getting at. I was very offended. I get it now. However, I think another anology wouldn't have been so hurtful.
If it is useful to anyone, as a mother of three, two biological boys and an adopted girl, I can tell you with all my heart that I feel that all my children came from my womb.

[monicaangela]

You just made Seth's case. The idea was to get you to leave your cocoon for a moment and put yourself in the shoes of your neighbor. I see you completely missed the point.

[weatherwaxx]

Lady, this is a cheap way to flog your book.

His use of children is extremely appropriate. For one group of people to deny another group their hearts' desire simply because it is not the same as what the first group already has is despicable.

There was nothing wrong with his judgement. You're just jumping in with one-upmanship and a plug for your book, carefully noted in CAPITAL LETTERS. It's not a book I plan to buy.

[weatherwaxx]

Why don't you go advertise your book somewhere else instead of dumping on a fellow blogger?

[mercury613]

I totally disagree. I think the analogy is brilliant.

If someone is dim enough to read this article, take it literally, and feel like they aren't going to be "real" parents by adopting a child, he/she probably shouldn't be raising children in the first place.

[Veronica]

Wow, the way you put the title of your book in all-caps was really subtle.

Having an appreciation for satire only when the subject of the satire doesn't hit too close to home is not a real appreciation for satire.

You don't think your own status as an adopted parent "clouded your judgement" on Seth's piece?

If anyone reads this and actually decides not to adopt, they were going to find a reason no matter what. It's kind of shocking to me that you don't see that.

[yankeeairpirate]

Consider the view of the adoptee. I was adopted when I was only days old. The only "mommy" and "daddy" I knew were the ones who raised me, and I didn't find out I was adopted until after I entered military service and the person I was raised with as my cousin, turned out to be my sister. She told me what she knew, but it wasn't all the truth. Now, everyone who knew the truth concerning my parentage and family tree is dead, and I'm running down clues in the local Library in the Census records.

I'm sorry, but the guy and his wife that raised me are who I called "mommy" and "daddy" and that's what they'll always be. They're who provided the hugs and kisses on Christmas morning and the swats across the butt when I screwed up.

DNA doesn't have a damned thing to do with it.

[tuttlemsm]

"DNA doesn't have a damned thing to do with it."

Adoption doesn't have a damned thing to do with it either. He's making a point about same-sex marriage by way of analogy.

[wendy31]

Thank you. Why are people not getting this?

[Veronica]

I'd love to pick your brain sometime...I'm fascinated by people who are hit over the head by obvious satire and are so humorless they still don't get it.