Should Adopted Children be Allowed to Say "Mommy" and "Daddy?"

My wife and I are expecting our first child any day now. A beautiful, natural, biological child - just the way God intended children to be.

Impending fatherhood, plus the fact that my home state of California has proven that civil rights are subject to voter approval, has emboldened me to raise an issue that's been overlooked for years: the issue of adopted (or "unnatural") children's rights.

As a parent-to-be, I find it insulting that my biological son will be forced to share words like "mommy" and "daddy" with unnatural children. I feel that sharing cheapens those words, and weakens our natural father/son bond.

After all, if anybody can throw around words like "son" or "daughter" to describe someone they share absolutely no DNA with, where does it end? As far as I know, Kobe Bryant and I aren't related. So what's to stop me from calling Kobe my "son?" Or for that matter, my "daughter?" If unnatural advocates had their way, Kobe Bryant would, for all intents and purposes, be my daughter.

See what a slippery slope we're on here?

In order to protect the sanctity of natural parent/child relationships, I propose a ballot measure requiring unnatural children and parents to use the following terms: "Female Adopted Parent," "Male Adopted Parent," "Adopted Male Child," and "Adopted Female Child."

If you ask me, they're every bit as good as "mommy," daddy," "son," and "daughter." And what's more - those parents and children would still have most of the rights as natural families under my proposal.

Look, I have nothing against adoption. Some of my closest friends chose to be adopted as children, and I respect their right to reject the biological lifestyle. All I'm saying is, keep it away from my kid. Don't go teaching him that it's the same as his natural, God-approved union with his real mommy and daddy.

Besides, we all know that parents don't love adopted children as much as natural ones.

Just ask my daughter Kobe.

Comments

[JohnShank]

Mr. Smith, that is the best blog I have ever read on Huffpo. Brilliantly conceived and presented. Pure genius.

[BleedingArtLiberal]

BRAVO, Seth!!! Brilliantly illustrated! I am sending this to everyone I know :) Though I'm not sure if I will share it with my friends on the adoption.com message boards... their sensitivity sometimes overshadows their sense of humor!

[rhettisha]

Excellent post. Unfortunately, thumpers don't understand irony. They believe what the bible says.

[vazzy13]

Tru dat

[gotborked]

Same goes for the liberal thumpers. Just read every other comment on this blog...

[nypoet22]

for that matter, what's to stop you from calling kobe your pet armadillo? brilliant analogy, though i doubt any of the individuals at whom it's directed would have the mental capability to grasp the underlying message. if they did, they wouldn't be so ignorant to begin with.

[Keith52]

You are a funnyboy Seth. Thanks.

[freddie]

Genius. Thanks for this. Duly mailed around . . .