Bush's New Year's Resolutions for 2006

The following was obtained by perfectly legal surveillance of President Bush's personal e-mail account.

Dear Vice,

Thought you'd get a kick outta this. My New Year Year's Resolutions for 2006. Why don't I just declare 'em law! (Al Gonzales said I could!). Please note – these R just 4 U.

10. Suspend habeas corpus and claim it is yet one more way I am just like Abraham Lincoln.

9. Stop mincing words. Call Democrats traitors (they are!).

8. Get someone at CIA to come up with cute Can-you-hear-me-now?-style slogan so people won't be in such a lather about wire taps.

7. Ask Bono to talk to Chinese about canceling our debt.

6. Encourage John McCain to take up shark wrestling (Meeting with him? That was torture!).

5. Get Halliburton to rebuild New Orleans – in Baghdad. Riverboats on the Euphrates! Indian Casinos on the Tigris! Mayor Ray Nagin in a combat zone! What's not to like?

4. Find someone to execute (Boy, I miss Texas! Can I be governor again when I'm done up here? The Democrats there liked me, although they're probably traitors, too).

3. Pardon Karl Rove (I'm just anticipatin' here, heh-heh).

2. Get Dad to tell Mom to shut the fuck up.

1. Pray extra hard for the Rapture so I don't have to worry about #s 10-2.

Let me know what yours are, ok? Maybe I can have 'em declared law, too.

Your buddy, George W.

P.S. This doesn't have anything to do with New Years but have you noticed that if you turn off the sound on Saddam's trial and play "Dark Side of the Moon" by Pink Floyd, it's kinda cool? When he talks, it's sorta like he's dancin', only slow, and funny-like.