What John McCain is Thinking, Part V

Where the hell did Cindy hide my Xanax? I need to double down. If I start acting any jumpier, they're gonna put me in a strait jacket.

Relax, Flyboy! I got the Pipe Cleaner on the run. I may have thrown him for a loop when I picked Sarah Powell but I'm really gonna clean his clock when I ditch the debate. Told America Johnny Mac has to swoop in and save the economy -- hope no one notices I was Chairman of the Commerce Committee -- no time for finger-pointing.

Soon as I get to Washington everyone's gonna forget Sally Palin on Katie Couric. Jesus H., how do you get that toothpaste back in the tube? Maybe next time we can get one of the Muppets to interview her. Big Bird! He'll go easy. I was worried Katie was gonna start laughing. Probably had to drink Benadryl before the sit down.

God forgive me, Sally Palin makes Bush look good. Prime Minister of Pakistan sure did like her, though. Thinks she's a hooker. Poor guy was wondering what all the cameras were doing there. Wonder what he talked to her about? Sally, everyone in Pakistan wants to know...is Clay Aiken really gay? Least that's something she's qualified to talk about. Am I going to Hell for choosing her? Johnny Mac's a risk taker. Damn the torpedoes, I'll buy some asbestos underwear!

Feel pretty good about calling off the old debate. Still got my surrogates firing away, still got the negative ads running in the swing states, and this old Airman's taking the high road. Showing some leadership... country first. Got everybody fooled... now where did I put my pants?

Comments

[deeppeace]

12:23 PM on 09/26/2008

I think you're being generous. What I 'hear' in McC's head: "Uhhhhh. Stand up. Uhhhhh. Walk. Uhhhhh. My friends, heh heh. Uhhhhhh. Grin. Uhhhhhh."

[ladybug7]

11:46 AM on 09/26/2008

How about:

If they buy into my request to postpone the debate unti Oct 2nd, then We can keep Palin away from Biden. Maybe then another crisis will pop up next week.

[pfc1369]

11:04 AM on 09/26/2008

I'm sure McCain never thought of himself as an "Airman."

[walkthewalk]

10:46 AM on 09/26/2008

John McCain is a poser. He either didn't read the 3-page Paulson plan after having it in his hands for two days, or he read it and was clueless about it. Yet he positions himself as the savior of the American people. He, John McCain, will save us from the disaster caused in large part by the economic plans devised and promoted by his own advisor Phil Gramm. This is rich. And so is the idea of populist McCain.

[ffny]

10:46 AM on 09/26/2008

What John Mc Cain is thinking.

What an amazing picture that conjures up.

[Nomccain]

10:26 AM on 09/26/2008

This is simply another Karl Rove orchestrated move to try and divert attention from Palin and him. Can't hide forever JOHN!

[Nomccain]

10:24 AM on 09/26/2008

Sure ole John wants to stall the debate because he was getting his ass kicked. He can't hide Palin and her inexperience forever and Obama was beginning to challenge him on t he economy. Folks, this is just another of McSAME'S political tricks to try to divert attention away from the issues and having to finally face Obama on them. I find it strange indeed, that a man with a self admitted lack of knowledge of the economy was so badly needed that he had to postpone the debate to save America. Geeeeez, how stupid can people be on this man? He's dishonest and he's dangerous.

[Tommee]

10:11 AM on 09/26/2008

if McCain's a no show, Obama can use the time as a town hall meeting to explain to American people all about the current financial crisis... what went wrong, and the various options to fix it. It will be a perfect opportunity to show the people Obama's grasp of the economic situation. McCain can watch it in Washington and maybe learn something.

[TN60]

09:45 AM on 09/26/2008

FUNEEEEE ! Seth

[Kyuzo]

09:38 AM on 09/26/2008

What, John McCCain is thinking?

Part V.

[LolaJeanne]

10:26 AM on 09/26/2008

John McCain:....."O.K.....I'm on a mission to washington.....my singular goal: to look like I'm saving the world without ever saying anything that would come back to bite me!.....This meeting with my Old "Buddy" Bush...piece of cake. I just try to look presidential, whatever that is, and I don't say anything wrong......O.K. I have it! I won't say anything at all!!!! Yes!!! That's the ticket. I will look strong, "deep" and very intelligent.....(Just got word that Palin essentially called Kissinger naive in her interview with Couric....damn....I got to teach her this strong silent thing. It's working for me!..now if I can just get Letterman to shut up!"

[BabsfromKansas]

09:29 AM on 09/26/2008

How did I miss all your other posts? I love your satirical view on a totally frightening candidate!

[5150]

07:52 AM on 09/26/2008

Choices are narrowed to a false dichotomy, then you get forced to choose for the sake of operant conditioning. Bush-Paulson and McCain-Boehner are two bad choices and which ever way you jump, the Religiously Right will say it's your fault for not making the right choice or for forcing compromise. Unitary Executive with signing statements. Opinions?

[ladybug7]

11:49 AM on 09/26/2008

It would have been all different if Obama had met me in town hall meetings like I asked.

[JennyJay]

07:44 AM on 09/26/2008

Loved this article! . . Notice how there is not a SINGLE DROP OF JOY OR HAPPINESS reading,
or viewing, the mainstream media? Thanks to this great peace I can start my day smiling instead
of maximum doom and gloom.
To have a place where the nasty, horrid, scary news can be made funny - is just about as good
as it can get. . Thank you Seth Greenland. . . Thank you Huffpost . . . Appreciate it.

[CyrusBeaucephus]

07:14 AM on 09/26/2008

Thanks for the laugh. Can it get any more surreal than this?

[mosh]

10:57 AM on 09/26/2008

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse - - - we get the $700 bailout and McCain putting country first by dropping out of the debate - - - amazing!

[LiverpoolEd]

06:17 AM on 09/26/2008

Has it occured to anyone that the real reason McCain is trying to skip the debate today is to get it moved to next week when Palin is scheduled to debate Biden. After Palin's cataatrophic performance with Katie Couric, McCain is scared shitless to put her onstage with Biden.

I think the end game with all this grandstanding is to get the debates moved to next wee so Sarah Palin will not debate Biden. If she does it will be a bloodbath.

[lemonyashes]

06:36 AM on 09/26/2008

How much time will be enough time to prep her? When they try shoveling the tons of BS down her throat what does Sarah hear "blah blah blah"?