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Shabina S. Khatri

Shabina S. Khatri

Posted: August 26, 2010 06:36 AM

Do You Need a Muslim Friend?

What's Your Reaction:

It's good to get things out in the open. But sometimes the truth hurts.

It certainly hurt to hear that, according to recent TIME and CNN polls, most Americans oppose the Park51 project, a proposal to build a mosque and community center on private property about two blocks from Ground Zero.

For some Muslim Americans, the vehement opposition to Park51, the site of a former Burlington Coat Factory, comes as no surprise. It is just one of many Islamic centers across the country that have drawn the ire of ignorant and fearful people in recent months.

For most of us, though, the tirade of anti-Islamic sentiment against this particular project has made for a disheartening past few weeks, depressing news during a holy month that's supposed to be about light and hope.

There are logical arguments to refute opponents: the First Amendment; the strip clubs and liquor stores sprinkled around the so-called hallowed ground; the fact that Muslims pray in the Pentagon, which was also a target on 9/11.

But logic is not going to work when emotions run so high. We need another strategy.

A few numbers jumped out at me in the TIME poll: 61 percent of respondents said they're against the project. And 62 percent say they don't personally know a Muslim American.

Hmm.

Is it possible that the people who don't know any Muslim Americans are more likely to oppose Park51?

If that's the case, perhaps there is a really simple way to resolve this mosque hullabaloo.

Perhaps you need a Muslim friend. Not a token one, à la George Costanza out to prove his affinity for black people after his boss challenged it, but an honest-to-goodness, plain-Jane Muslim-American friend.

That's who I am to one college pal of mine, who wrote me this week. He says (and I share with permission):

I grew up in a Jewish family and I remember my grandparents generation of relatives, who had survived the Holocaust and remembered the struggles Israel faced in its earliest years, held some pretty ugly stereotypes about Arabs and Muslims. I came to [college] not necessarily believing their views, but certainly not questioning them.

You were the first true Muslim friend I ever had and you played a big part in influencing my views on Muslims and what Islam stands for. I have to thank you for bringing to me my first Ramadan dinner and letting me get to know you. Any American who is not part of the small group of religions that have never faced persecution, intimidation, or torture and comes out against this mosque in the name of "sensitivity" is a hypocrite.

So how exactly does one buddy up with a Muslim American? Through the time-tested methods of friend-making. Encounter someone somewhere -- work, yoga class, Facebook -- and strike up a conversation. Find common interests, hang out and talk about them. Maybe Islam will come up all the time, or part of the time, or not at all. The point is social integration.

It will take extra effort on your part and mine. It's a strategy we need to apply here in Qatar, where misunderstandings and stereotypes abound between the minority (15 percent) national population and the country's sea of expats.

But the results -- aren't they worth the work?

The World Trade Center crumbled just weeks before my nineteenth birthday, when I was a sophomore in college. As a Muslim American, born and raised, I hated uttering what became a tired refrain: that 9/11 was -- is -- my tragedy, too.

I have a daughter now, and it's my hope that she never has to prove how American she is, simply because of her religion. Perhaps if more people had Muslim friends, she won't have to.

So let's resolve America's "Muslim problem" and stick to our constitutional guns on the issue of religious freedom by striving to understand our Muslim American neighbors as they should be understood -- as normal people who simply want what you'd want, a space to practice our faith, teach our children and converse with our communities.

 

Follow Shabina S. Khatri on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dohanews

It's good to get things out in the open. But sometimes the truth hurts. It certainly hurt to hear that, according to recent TIME and CNN polls, most Americans oppose the Park51 project, a proposal to...
It's good to get things out in the open. But sometimes the truth hurts. It certainly hurt to hear that, according to recent TIME and CNN polls, most Americans oppose the Park51 project, a proposal to...
 
 
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07:58 PM on 09/26/2010
I agree with Khalid.

The accommodist mentality prevalent among immigrant Muslims and their children is naive,unrealistic and wrong. Islam has always enjoyed a favorable position amongst most African-Americans due the African-Americans Muslims stance on holding their ground. Their never tried to accommodate,befriend or hide what they stood for and believed in. They did what they did and didn't care what others thought.

The accommodist model that sister Shabina has outlined in this article comes from a deep rooted belief that they don't belong and feel the need of approval of others to validate their self worth. Many immigrant Muslims and their American born children live and work in white middle class suburbia. From their daily experience of work and school they constantly being bombarded with evidence that they are the "other". No matter how hard to try to fit in within the "American" (White) model by hiding or denying their reality. They know that they could never be accepted truly as "one of them". So it's no surprise when many of these people have deep seated need to be accepted and approved of by their so called "peers".

Muslims don't need to "befriend" non-muslims they need to be more clear about what they stand for and not be intimidated into saying or doing things that go against the principles of Islam.
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Oldbull 56
10:22 AM on 09/17/2010
I appreciate what you were trying to say in your article and for the most part, I think you succeeded. My family doctor is a Muslim and my eye surgeon is one as well. Actually the basement of the surgeons practice is the Muslim prayer center for our small town. They are not 'friends' in any real sense of the word, just people that I know professionally and trust with my health and my eyesight. But my experiences with them make all the brouhaha I read here or watch on tv fade into the background. There may be more merit to your idea than you think. Thanks for your article.
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02:37 AM on 08/31/2010
The Golden Age of Judaism was Arab Spain according to Jewish historians. In fact, the years between 900 and 1200 in Spain and North Africa are known as the Hebrew "golden age," a sort of Jewish Renaissance that arose from the fusion of the Arab and Jewish intellectual worlds. Jews watched their Arab counterparts closely and learned to be astronomers, philosophers, scientists, and poets. They were free to grow and thrive amongst Muslims and in their own communities under Sharia rule.

The Silver Age of Judaism was Muslim Persia (modern Iraq and Iran) according to Jewish historians. The Golden and Silver Ages of Judaism were not during the period of Jewish rule in Judea and Samaria nor under the Babylonian rulers nor under the Romans and Greeks nor in Europe under the Catholics. It was under Islamic rule.

There was absolute liberty of conscience for the Christians under Muslim rule in the Middle East; they kept their most important Churches and built new ones; the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem has always been a Christian place of worship, the only thing the Muslims did in the way of interference with the Christian's liberty of conscience in respect of it was to see that every sect of Christians had access to it, and that it was not monopolized by one sect to the exclusion of others. The same is true of the Church of the Nativity of Bethlehem, and of other buildings of special sanctity.
walkthewalk
Watch what people do, not what they say
03:34 PM on 08/30/2010
You have a valid point. It is always so much easier to hate a category of people from afar when they are painted with a single brush stroke. It is much more difficult to hate an individual you've come to know. So much of the bigotry in the world stems from our separateness from one another.
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Greg Logan
11:20 PM on 08/29/2010
I fully acknowledge that many American muslims are entirely different than extremists - though more sensitive to relevant issues (as are any minority...).

I remain troubled that the leader of their religion spread their religion by murder....

Jesus told his followers... put the sword away.

Mohammed, in grotesque contrast, told his followers to unsheath them and dip them in blood...

The contrast remains stark (despite Jesus claimed followers typically following Mohammed's method in settling the own political issues...)
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12:54 AM on 08/31/2010
"Do not think that I have come to bring peace...I did not come to bring peace, but the sword'--Jesus of Nazareth
05:23 PM on 09/25/2010
Your understaning of Islam is very limited if you really believe this. First of all, where did you get this notion that Mohammed said, "unseath them and dip them in blood". There is strict laws in Islam against forced conversions. For example, Iraq and Syria were only 10% Muslim even after a 100 years of being conqueored by the Muslims. India and Spain are living examples of how Muslim conqerorers followed their religious teaching and refrained from spreading the religion by "murder." On the other hand most of modern day Christendom is a living example of the brutality Chrisitians are capable of. Lets not forget a lot of the perpetrators of this brutality used their relgion as justification of their actions. This is not to indict Christianity, for which I have much respect, but to your comments in the correct historical perspective. Please I urge you to learn about Islam, if not for anything but to understand more about more than a fifth of the people of this world better.
08:04 PM on 08/29/2010
I dated a couple of Muslim men in the years before I met my husband. Funny thing, though, my so-called liberal freinds were quite critical and full of stereotypes about them without having met either one. Perhaps now that they know such remarks would be politically incorrect. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed their company on our first dates, but I have to say each was pretty slack in his observation of faith, mainly alcohol and cavorting with gentile women. They were intelligent and educated, but each eventually went back to their own countries to find wives. I am glad for the experience, though, as I learned a lot about Islam that wouldn't have meant as much to me from reading about it.
08:09 AM on 08/29/2010
ASA Shabina, Ramadan Mubarak! So glad you wrote this article, habibti. I think having friends, and close aquaintances greatly helps toward understanding. Have a wonderful time in Qatar, miss hearing about you back in the D. Cherine.
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Sarah Parsons
if I had a micro-bio, this would be it.
05:59 AM on 08/28/2010
I think you have a good point. In my line of work, my coworkers are international, so I've had more exposure to people of different faiths, cultures, and national origins. People in the rest of my circle never leave their circle of familiar, so to them these people are all the 'scary other'. My boss is Muslim, one of my favorite coworkers is Hindu. The field I'm in is globally run, so my exposure to others in the last 20 years has given me a realistic view. Others in my family never see anyone that doesn't fit in their exact demographic, and they are more likely to be disapproving. They simply don't have enough information to go on, other than what they get on conservative news. Right now Muslims are the new scary others, last month it was the Latinos, who knows who it will be next week? Feminists were a target last year, being blamed for the fall of the economy.
12:03 AM on 08/28/2010
Imam Rauf is not as innocent as you prtray. He celebrates WTC destruction. Read this and remember he a supporter of shariaa.

"Important information about Rauf:

Imam Faisal 'Abd Al-Rauf's book What's Right with Islam: A New Vision for Muslims and the West was published in Indonesian in 2007 with a different title: Seruan Azan Dari Puing WTC: Dakwah Islam di Jantung Amerika Pasca 9/11.
TRANSLATION:("The Call of Azan from the Rubble of the World Trade Center: Islamic Da'wa in the Heart of America Post-9/11")."
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Richard Pearce
Atheistic-agnostic Canadian polymath
10:00 PM on 08/27/2010
I'm sure someone might have mentioned it already, but Pew Foundation research actually shows that the views held by the most vocal opponents of the project are directly correlated to their ignorance of Islam.

And people like Ice Star are the 'some of my best friends are Black' sort, mistaking knowing a person's name as knowing a person.
01:29 AM on 08/30/2010
So you know who my friends are?
Who my son's date?
What neighborhood I live in?
Who I work with and eat dinner with five nights a week?
08:31 PM on 08/27/2010
I have no problem with people. I have neighbors who are Muslim I also work with Muslims, and my son's doctor is a Muslim.

I have a problem with Mohamed and his teachings.
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11:24 PM on 08/27/2010
What is about Mohammed that you have problems with and what did he teach? Maybe you don't know but Muslims take Mohammed as their model of human excellence. He's their role model. If you have no problem with your son's doctor that is Muslim, maybe it's because that Muslim doctor is exhibiting some of Mohammed qualities in his character.
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MyNameIsKarsten
...sounds like Chewbacca when he yawns.
08:07 PM on 08/28/2010
Is that a serious question? How about his 11 wives and the circumstances associated with those wives (slavery, child brides, battle booty, incest, just to name a few). Also, the Muslim idea of the reward for men that reach paradise seems... uhm... "unnoble" at best.

Other than that, I am also not a huge fan of the personality cult.

Influential? -- Sure.
Role model? -- Uhm, no thanks.
02:23 AM on 08/30/2010
Volume 5, Book 59, Number 522:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
We arrived at Khaibar, and when Allah helped His Apostle to open the fort, the beauty of Safiya bint Huyai bin Akhtaq, whose husband had been killed while she was a bride, was mentioned to Allah’s Apostle. The Prophet selected her for himself, and set out with her, and when we reached a place called Sidd-as-Sahba, Safiya became clean from her menses; then Allah’s Apostle married her. Hais (i.e. an Arabian dish) was prepared on a small leather mat. Then the Prophet said to me, ‘I invite the people around you.’ So that was the marriage banquet of the Prophet and Safiya. Then we proceeded towards Medina, and I saw the Prophet, making for her a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel).
Volume 5, Book 59, Number 523:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet stayed with Safiya bint Huyai for three days on the way of Khaibar, where he consummated his marriage with her. Safiya was amongst those, who were ordered to use a veil.
Above Hadiths show that Safiya was (aged 17) and beautiful girl, when Muhammad ‘married’ her she had no choice but to submit to Muhammad’s lust, despite the fact that her husband and adult male relatives and tribesmen had just been killed.
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Shabina S. Khatri
04:16 PM on 08/27/2010
Thank you all for your comments! I have read every single one and am so happy this post was able to jumpstart a fairly intellectual conversation.

I apologize for calling those who oppose the Park51 project ignorant - in retrospect, that is not a fair statement. Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. In fact, for some reason or another, there are many Muslim Americans who oppose the center's construction (another example of how diverse our community is).

If any of you would like to attend an iftaar this Ramadan, please get in touch with me and I'll help you find someone in your community to contact. Thanks again for getting involved in this discussion!

Shabina
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Venicelady
Ignorance is NOT bliss.
05:04 PM on 08/27/2010
And that is the beauty of this country- no matter how much someone may agree or disagree with an opinion or political issue, there is open discourse.

Thank YOU for commenting that Muslim-Americans, as any other group in this country, do not speak as a monolithic voice, and there is room for different opinions and views.

Time to put aside polarizing differences, respect each other, and try to find a common ground on these issues that benefit all Americans in this diverse society that we have.
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Richard Pearce
Atheistic-agnostic Canadian polymath
10:19 PM on 08/27/2010
Two reports from the Pew Foundation that show you are on the right track about what will not solve the problem, but at least turn it into something that will result in more media denounciations of those doing the screaming (and likely some digging into their relationships and past statements).

This one shows that your diagnosis of what the most significant factor in the number of those who have listened to the screamers is right

http://people-press.org/report/542/muslims-widely-seen-as-facing-discrimination

And this one should shed some light on what the true nature of those screamers is

http://pewglobal.org/files/pdf/262.pdf
12:23 PM on 08/27/2010
As a Zionist American Jew, I can't wait to have a whole bunch of new American Muslim friends. Call me.
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MyNameIsKarsten
...sounds like Chewbacca when he yawns.
02:32 PM on 08/27/2010
Hah! First comment ever on HuffPo that made me laugh out loud!

In the words of T.S. Eliot: "Humor is also a way of saying something serious."
04:52 PM on 08/27/2010
All Muslims are not Palestinians. All Palestinians are not members of Hamas. There are plenty of Muslim Americans who can relate to why European Jews supported the creation of Israel. One of my best facebook friends is an Orthodox Jew who lives in Jerusalem.
12:06 PM on 08/27/2010
Hi Shabina Khatri;

However much we tout universal values and common ground, there will always be a line between religions. This line is usually more acute and a barrier where religion/s define "every move" in daily life . I grew up a "bad Hindu" in Muslim Malaysia, but I was proud of my "failings" as a "pure" Hindu because it allowed me the freedom I needed to mix with others, including the Muslim majority. If there is a sadness I still hold, it is that I was never able or allowed to cross the line in respectful terms in closer social relations with my Malay-Muslim friends, that "I was born with". It takes two to "tango" and a lot of liberal feelings to allow for increased crossing of the line.

As far as the so called "Ground zero mosque" controversy is concerned, Racel Maddox (hail to mayor Bloomberg and ex-mayor Ed Koch, both of the Jewish faith) is 100% correct in that this was a manufactured political and racist campaign to define Muslims as "others" and keep them as 2nd class citizens. Someone is forgetting that Islam is the fastest growing religion among Black people in US and a major religion in Black Africa.This "racist" industry here is alive and well and so we must be equally vigilant in our opposition to it.
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12:17 PM on 08/27/2010
Saying there is no principled, non-racist, non-Islamophobic opposition to Park51 is the same as saying that all Muslims are terrorists.
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MrBwood
Religion poisons everything
12:26 PM on 08/27/2010
thanks, was thinking the same thing
Arsalan Khan
Stop hating. Make some friends.
02:47 PM on 08/27/2010
There sure is....its called hate. Doesn't need a reason just needs a target.
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Salvador Doggy
hi.
12:03 PM on 08/27/2010
I was about to say I thought Shabina Khatri's article was insightful. I guess I still do. Having had a particularly gentle Muslim classmate certainly affects my perspective.

But quick on the heels of my compliments the author comes the wish that all people here would apply the advice to the various groups they revile.
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Salvador Doggy
hi.
12:08 PM on 08/27/2010
That is "compliments to the author" not "compliments the author".