08/15/2010 09:15 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Saints Home Opener Will Feature Concerts, Floats, Marching Bands, Clowns, Fireworks, Dove Release and Catastrophic Asteroid Event

...and I'm only half kidding.

Apparently fans that waited decades for their team to win their first Super Bowl need a reminder of just how big of a deal it is that the team actually won. So for the home opener, the NFL and NBC have teamed up to treat us Saints fans like a spoiled high school cheerleader on an episode of my Super Sweet 16. Not only will the Dave Matthews Band and Taylor Swift put on a concert in Jackson Square, but now there's talk of a Macy's Thanksgiving Day meets Mardi Gras parade through the French Quarter, complete with floats and marching bands. That's right, Vikings fans. If you didn't hate us before, prepare to want to hurl piss-filled balloons at the 50 yard line come September 9th. Can't even say I blame you...

The parade will feature ex-NFL Players, New Orleans chefs and musicians and some "stars" from several NBC shows. All this will lead up to some big "surprise" at the dome leading up to kickoff. This is assuming fans won't be too drunk/delirious to even make it to the dome.

While I'm excited about all the festivities, all this pre-game hype is a little reminiscent of the time another beloved sports entity put more emphasis on the hype surrounding the event than the event itself. Anyone remember this?

Yeah, in case you didn't see Rocky IV, let me put things into context for you. Apollo Creed, the black dude with the fancy pre-fight show, ends up getting killed by the big scary Russian guy. Apollo Creed was the victim of his own hype (well, that and Drago's giant, juiced up fists, but you get my drift...)

The challenge for our Saints will be to stay above this fray. They have to put the Super Bowl party behind them and be ready to get down to business. I can assure you that, particularly if Brett Favre is back, the Vikings will be more than ready and willing to rain on our lavish, unnecessary parade.

I guess it's nice that folks who won't get to go to the game still get to take part in the celebration. I just hope there won't be too many fans (like me) trying to go all out and experience everything. We'll need that energy come the 4th quarter. Although, something tells me witnessing that banner unfurl will pump us up more than anything on Starbucks' menu ever could...or a pop ballad by Taylor Swift for that matter. Once I get past my annoyance with how corporate America is tainting the purity of our special moment, I can appreciate that this will be an epic night. But if they announce free pony rides on Bourbon St. sponsored by Ralph Lauren, prepare for this fan to go the f*ck off...

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