03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Saints vs. Cardinals Playoff Preview: Step Off Biatch!

saints wedding cake topper
Imagine a woman who'd always dreamed of the perfect wedding. She envisioned the dazzling dress, the charming chapel, the flowers and the cake. She'd planned it all down to the last detail. After 42 long years of waiting, she finally found a near-perfect man to turn her dreams into reality. Then along came some hussy from Arizona, who thought she could just come up in that woman's house to try and steal her dream and her man right from under her. "Is this desert hoochie out of her *bleepin'* mind?" the woman thought to herself. "Not in my house. Not on my watch. Not my dream."

In case you haven't caught on my fellow Saints Chicks and Dudes (and if you haven't, you're really not helping to debunk those Southern stereotypes) we, the fans and the team, are that woman. That perfect wedding is the Saints Super Bowl we've been dreaming about for decades. And that near-perfect man is this near-perfect season that's given us a new reason to believe that dreams do come true. On Saturday, our Saints will have the opportunity to deliver a message on all our behalf to the Arizona Cardinals: Step off biatch!

You see, it's not even like Arizona's some elite, high-classed homewrecker. Our team is better than their team. That's not just from an impassioned fan's perspective. The numbers speak for themselves.

QB Comparison:
#6 Drew Brees-4,338 regular season yards, 71% completion
#12 Kurt Warner-3,753 regular season yards, 66% completion

Overall Offense:
#4 New Orleans Saints-Averaging 272 yards per game
#12 Arizona Cardinals-Averaging 251 yards per game

Overall Defense
Uh...Let's just skip this category, shall we?

Total Defensive Interceptions
New Orleans Saints: 26
Arizona Cardinals: 21

Rushing Yards
#6 New Orleans Saints: Averaging 132 yards per game
#28 Arizona Cardinals: Averaging 93.4 yards per game

As you can see, in nearly every category that counts, the Saints are just plain better than the Cardinals. Sure their defense ranks better overall, but let's just call that the equivalent of putting on a little extra stress weight. We can tighten it up before the wedding day!

Here's more good news fans: like any good catch, we're not just good on paper. Our city and our team has heart. The Saints have an emotional leader in Drew Brees who never relents and consistently inspires his teammates to quite literally go that extra inch. They have a coaching genius in Sean Payton, who is quite capable of throwing together an offensive series that'll make your head spin. And they have a fired up crowd of home town fans who are desperate to do whatever it takes to help their team get to the top.

Behind every good man is a good woman and well, we Saints fans are quite the happy "domemakers." We're going to bring it on Saturday. We'll show off some of our best moves. Not all of our moves, of course. After all, there's still another game left after this one. Gotta give 'em just enough to keep 'em begging for more.

We've got that New Orleans swagger...something that just doesn't grow in the desert. This Saturday, we Saints fans will get one step closer to making our dreams come true and it won't be long before they're "puttin' a ring on it."
super bowl ring

(Btw, that adorable wedding cake topper can be found at site called My Wedding Splendor.)