Today, I'm going to speak my mind and just type it! I've never done a post like this before and I'm not sure what to expect but I feel like I need to share my feelings with you.
If you asked me 3 years ago at this time about how I'm feeling, I would've said: "Fantastic". But if you ask me now how I'm feeling...I'm going to say the following:
1. I feel like a penguin.
2. I'm panting like an 80-year-old woman who just walked up 30 stairs.
3. I'm exhausted and sleepy but can't sleep. I know it doesn't make sense but Insomnia does that to you!
I spend my mornings fighting with my body ... struggling to wake up... My eyes are tired but I need to pee... No, wait I want to eat... but actually I need to sleep. I can't decide what I want anymore. I try to turn over but I can't. I feel big. I squeeze my toes and push my body up but I end up getting a leg cramp. I end up screaming silently to avoid waking up my toddler.
But wait I still need to pee but how do I get up? I grab the headboard and lift my body up and penguin walk to the bathroom. I reach the toilet seat with one eye closed and pee like I've never peed before. How much did I drink last night?! I look in the mirror and see a woman who looks like she has a hectic hangover. My hair is messed up, my eyes are red and my lips are dry.
I'm weak... and my head is spinning. I rush to the kitchen and head for the bread bin, it's time to gobble something quick before the heartburn and nausea begins.
But I'm not hungover ... I'm pregnant.
They say pregnancy is magical... Well it is a miracle! I still can't believe there's life growing inside me... It's a beautiful journey but it's also dramatic and terrifying. My first pregnancy felt perfect to me, I had morning sickness but that was it. I expected it because that's what they say comes with pregnancy but no one told me that there's more!
My boobs hurt, my butt hurts... my ... everything hurts! I've got gas and I can't control it. I haven't got any cravings and I can't taste anything anymore! The worst is when he kicks my cervix, I feel like my vagina is on fire! I'm not sure if I should cry or smile with joy.
When you find out you're pregnant, you get all excited and celebrate with your husband, family and friends but 3 months later, you realise what a b$%#^ morning sickness is. 6 months in, you feel fat and sleep deprived. Nothing fits anymore, your boobs start to itch and you sweat like a pig. Sleep happens but not all the time. You're tired, constipated and your belly button is starting to stick out like a popsicle. At 8 months, you so over it. You need a cocktail. You can't see your vagina anymore and you start hating everything and everyone around you. Your butt is double its size and your towel can't close around you. You sneeze but end up peeing in your pants.
By the end of your pregnancy, you are panicking. Crazy thoughts go through your mind and you still figuring out which is better? A C-Section or Natural because today you get to choose. You end up worrying about pooping during birth and pray the gynae doesn't notice your messy pedicure which you attempted on your way to the hospital. You are in labour and all your husband says is: "Don't worry darling, everything will be okay" while playing on his cell phone. You sit there wondering what should you do first, scream because you having a contraction or pull your husband's hair out for being so calm while you endure torture.
So there it is! The truth about being pregnant, if someone tells you its all rosy... it really isn't. They have at least one embarrassing preggy moment that they too shy to share. I'd love to hear yours... if you don't mind sharing.
This post is not to scare anyone especially if you pregnant for the first time. It's just to let you know that there's another side of being pregnant. Sometimes we look at celebrities and end up sulking because we "think" they having the perfect pregnancy. Most of the time they not.
The truth is not everyone gets the "glow". No 2 pregnancies are the same and not everyone has it perfect. But there are moments that make up for the gas and big butt. Like the first time you feel your baby kick or that moment when you see your baby on the ultrasound moving. Even though I feel like crap right now, I always end up tearing when I see my baby on the scan. That moment reminds me that I'm creating a little person inside me.
It's amazing to feel that little life grow develop and expand inside of you. It's scary to know that the old cliché is true - what you put in is what you get out. It's scary knowing that what I do now has a potential to influence my little boy. It's scary to know that my baby is sharing my intimate thoughts and emotions - even though he may not understand it. But it's amazing to know that my uncomfortable heartburn could mean that he has lots of hair, my pain when he kicks my cervix means that I have a healthy, active and amazing little man growing inside me, my huge bloated tummy means that he is growing and that everything is okay.
Isn't it amazing that my tiny body is busy putting together the most awesome creation ever? I am just a tool in that miracle called life....
All the other bits of venting well... they say that it's preparing me for labour ....
This post appeared on www.youbabyandi.com first.