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Shannon Bradley-Colleary

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I'm Pro-Choice Because I Love My Kids

Posted: 03/ 8/2012 3:29 pm

I'm not political. But the whole Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke kerfuffle and Obama's excoriation by the religious right has me steaming. I'm a social liberal who supports Planned Parenthood and Naral. Here's why...

My daughter Clare almost died in utero. My placenta started to fail at 34 weeks gestation, two weeks later I had an emergency c-section because she wasn't moving and her amniotic fluid had dropped to fetal death levels.

When they took her from my womb she was white, limp and not breathing. After they suctioned the fluid from her lungs she let out a pitiful goat bleat. When I heard that bleat and was greeted by a burrito-wrapped gnome with crossed eyes, the heavy weight of responsibility and love I felt for this 5 lb. baby obliterated any identity I had pre-childbirth and any ambition I had other than keeping her alive in every way possible: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Having babies can understandably bring into question a "woman's right to choose" for the fiercest pro-choice advocates. Oddly having my children had the opposite affect on me. As my husband and I worked to get Clare stronger and I saw how utterly helpless she was, and reliant on our care, I realized I'd rather Clare never be born than be born into a home where she might be neglected, abused, unwanted or unloved.

I've seen firsthand what can happen to unwanted children.

Two weeks prior to giving birth I'd tried to find my stepbrother Joey through People Search.com. Joey and I were siblings for the six years our parents were married. The last time I saw Joey he was riding his bicycle in the street, receding in the distance out the back window of my mom's Volkswagen van in 1974 the year our parents divorced.

I was 9 and he was 12.

Joey was an oops baby. My first stepdad's youngest son. He wasn't tough like his LAPD dad or his brothers. He was soft, awkward and goofy. He was the butt of macho jokes. He was criticized, ridiculed, called "Joey the Fairy" and beaten ferociously with a belt by my stepdad.

He was also just my brother. We built forts together in the lemon grove next to our house. We played war with fake rifles. We sold lemonade on the street corner on hot summer days. We sat on the bottom of the jacuuzi underwater, staring at each other waiting to see who could hold their breath the longest. He's the reason my front teeth are veneers. He was chasing me in a parking lot and I was looking over my shoulder laughing until I turned around and ran face-first into my mom's van, my right front tooth turning to fine powder on my tongue.

I thought about Joey a lot over the years. I'd heard through the grapevine he'd joined the National Guard. I couldn't imagine him in a uniform handling real guns. The first thing that came up online when I typed in his name was his rap sheet.

15 years of crystal methamphetamine possession and sales. Domestic abuse along with the crystal meth. I wanted to find Joey and tell him that I knew what had happened to him. I wanted to bear witness to the child that was murdered one day at a time by a father that didn't love him, that in fact, hated him. But my husband said we couldn't have a crystal meth addict in our lives.

Joey's rap sheet ended abruptly in 2000. I said to my friend Ellen, who is a DA, "Maybe he got clean." She said, "Oh Shannon, he's probably dead."

Every child deserves to be wanted, safe and loved. I don't deny there are damaged women out there who use abortion as a means of birth control. A former friend had five abortions. Those pregnancies were her cry for help. But I can't help thinking those babies were better off not being in her care.

There are also situations, in my opinion, where abortion is the only humane path to take for both mother and child. I remain firmly in the pro-choice camp not just because a woman should have the "right to choose" (although that is a powerful platform for me), but because every child deserves quality of life and when a child is unwanted there's a much higher risk he'll perpetuate the problem, having unwanted children of his own, if he even survives childhood.

2012-03-08-Joey1971.jpg
Joey 1971

 
 
 

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I'm not political. But the whole Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke kerfuffle and Obama's excoriation by the religious right has me steaming. I'm a social liberal who supports Planned Parenthood and Naral. ...
I'm not political. But the whole Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke kerfuffle and Obama's excoriation by the religious right has me steaming. I'm a social liberal who supports Planned Parenthood and Naral. ...
 
 
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11:17 PM on 03/22/2012
If you love kids, Y do you think they'd be better off dead than with your "damaged" friend?

If you love women like your friend, how could U offer them the pill instead of abstinence, (which would improve any woman's self-esteem)?

The Pill kills: unborn babies, women, the environment, and marriages. Check out http://www.thepillkills.com/
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
hipocampelofantocame
retired pediatrician
02:14 AM on 04/11/2012
Actually, "the pill" doesn't kill anything. All it does is prevent the implantation
of a potentially fertilized egg. I didn't have children until I could afford them.
Learn more!
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01:03 PM on 03/10/2012
simply put, there are times when a person is unfit to be a mother, but there is never a time when death is a good thing.
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11:00 PM on 03/10/2012
i really dont mean to be an antagonist, but some of the things being said fustrate and sadden me so that i feel i have to get it off my chest.

Peace and Love
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Eva fate
08:16 PM on 03/09/2012
The right doesn't give a crap what happens to children AFTER they're born. They want to cut all the programs that would allow a low income woman to bring up a healthy child.
They want to keep women from birth control if they are in a situation where a child would be unwanted.

I was in a mental institution for high school students. 90% of those children were unplanned pregancies with moms who were low income and either teen moms. addicts, etc. Most of the kids there had neglectful or resentful parents, although only one had an abusive parent- the product of a mother who couldn't afford a child who married a man who was wealthy enough to provide for a stepdaughter until she got old enough to molest.

This is why I am adamantly pro birth control, pro education about how it is incredibly expensive and difficult to raise a child, and pro choice. Because whatever you think of the parents, the children should not be forced to suffer for their parent's mistakes.
frbridge
In all things acknowledge Him
10:31 PM on 03/09/2012
And that is all the "right" fault? Unbelievable.
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Eva fate
10:32 AM on 03/10/2012
Any time you restrict access to birth control, say, by defunding Planned Parenthood, or by restricting women's rights to get BC from their health insurers, you are at least doubling the liklihood of an abortion even happening.
Any time you take away WIC or food stamps from a low income woman with children, you take a chance for a healthy, vitamin rich diet and a lack of fear of starvation away from those children.

So yeah, it is "the right's fault."

If every woman could choose when she had a child with effective, affordable BC, education, and low cost adoption options with families who were carefully screened, THAT would prevent abortions from being a regular occurrence, not taking away all options and hoping women don't have sex.
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Shannon Bradley-Colleary
Aging Vaintress, Mom Butler, Wife Dominatrix
01:28 AM on 03/10/2012
Eva -- yes.
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01:36 PM on 03/09/2012
There are a lot of risky statements in here. The title and the last sentence are glaring ones. If you "love" your kids, why would you kill them? Or, to be fair, prevent their existence? Wouldn't adoption be much more appropriate?

And it's not fair to the alleged child to assume he or she would have children irresponsibly, and it definitely begs the question: why would you deny them life just because you think they *might* make poor decisions?
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
jessicadevyn
Danger Zone
01:49 PM on 03/09/2012
"If you "love" your kids, why would you kill them?"

Fetuses and embryos are no more "kids" than they are teenagers, adults, or senior citizens. They are nonviable products of conception.
frbridge
In all things acknowledge Him
02:25 PM on 03/09/2012
Yes, a fetus is in an early phase of growing up to be a teenager, adult or senior citizen. Same DNA from conception to natural death. Same human life from start to finish.
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06:38 PM on 03/09/2012
Well this can be a much deeper argument. But the fact is, the author acknowledged the fact that fetuses ARE "kids". And unless I've misunderstood the point, she is saying she'd abort them right away, instead of giving them a bad life. And that isn't right, and I think a lot of people would take issue with that.

This author is not saying "abortions are ok because fetuses aren't humans" or "abortions aren't any different than the morning after pill." So given the author's intent, my point stands.
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Cincy Dad
01:50 PM on 03/09/2012
Yes, adoption is the answer. Look at how many families flock to foreign countries to adopt babies.

The whole term of unwanted babies is just a term liberals use to justify abortion.

As hard as I try, I can't understand the pro-abortion position. Hopefully someday our society will turn a corner, morally speaking, and we'll see that the years we aborting millions of babies was not any different than other dark periods of humanities existance.
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jessicadevyn
Danger Zone
03:07 PM on 03/09/2012
They go to other countries because they would rather adopt white Russian and Chinese babies than risk adopting a black or brown American baby or a baby with disabilities. If you really wanted to adopt a black baby it really isn't difficult as long as you are not a convicted felon. My aunt is a single woman and was placed with a little black girl in less than 6 months. And liberals are not the only people who get abortions.
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Eva fate
08:20 PM on 03/09/2012
Ever met anyone who grew up in foster care?
Do you know the rates of molestation, abuse, and neglect for children in foster care VS children born to loving parents who planned for them?
Do you not realize the planet contains 4 times the amount of people we can sustain at us middle/working class levels? Do you not realize that we in the USA have more people than we can employ?
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LeftRight
TANSTAAFL
01:30 PM on 03/09/2012
That's such an awesome/sad story you've told. Thank you SOOO much!!
01:01 PM on 03/09/2012
Thank you so much for that beautifully-written article. You brought tears to this old cynic's eyes talking about your step-brother. Have you noticed how most of the people who would fight to the death to protect someone else's zygote or fetus seem to be the same people who also fight AGAINST any assistance for CHILDREN - whether it be in the form of cost-free adoption, better funding for child welfare agencies, tougher laws against abusive parents, tougher anti-bullying legislation, free school lunches, etc., etc....and the same people who fight against contraception, reasonable sex-ed in schools, etc.?
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Shannon Bradley-Colleary
Aging Vaintress, Mom Butler, Wife Dominatrix
05:00 PM on 03/09/2012
Thank you. The whole banning contraception thing makes me entirely insane. I can't even speak to it rationally. How is that preserving human life?
10:50 PM on 03/10/2012
What did I miss? Who 's bamming contraception.
11:44 PM on 03/22/2012
"non fiction" Your post is SO UNTRUE. The same people who push birth control are the ones who do nothing for children.

The pro-lifers in the San Fernando Valley have operated a home for unwed mothers for decades (as has the Catholic Church) and as have other pro-life churches and institutions across the country. The Churches have run adoption/foster care agencies for centuries. The Church has operated charities for nearly two thousand years. The first hospital was made by St. Basil the Great in the 4th century A.D. (It was totally free.) Before that, sick people would spend the night in the temple of the pagan god, hoping for a cure.

It's obvious you are speaking from your hatred of the truth. The left's lying policies are destroying our civilization.
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Karel Appel
The naked truth doesn't need the emperor's clothes
12:49 PM on 03/09/2012
Excellent piece. Thank you.
12:37 PM on 03/09/2012
If the pro-lifers were truly pro-life they would support paying women with unintended pregnancies who are not able to care for the babies to carry the pregnancies to term, while working with them to resolve their issues, then give their babies for adoption. Seems if this were their goal, prospective adoptive parents would not have such a hard time finding the children they dream of nurturing. Oh, wait but that would require the pro-lifers to refrain from judging these women's choices and actually do something positive to help them!
frbridge
In all things acknowledge Him
01:13 PM on 03/09/2012
I have posted these pro-woman resources before and will do so as often as needed:

Catholic Charities
Birthright of Montgomery County
Centro Tepayac
Sanctuaries for Life
St. Anne's Infant Home
Bethany House ( adoption )
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Cincy Dad
01:53 PM on 03/09/2012
Gosh, you people are so uninformed.

If a pregnant women wants to put her future baby up for adoption, their are families competing for that baby. She can choose the parents and that family will pay for her pregancy, all of it, even cloths for her to grow into.

If pro-choicers were truly compassionate, they would be more supportive of adoptions.
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Shannon Bradley-Colleary
Aging Vaintress, Mom Butler, Wife Dominatrix
05:05 PM on 03/09/2012
I absolutely support adoptions. But there are hundreds of thousands of children who are not adopted. They end up in child services which is woefully underfunded and understaffed and often end up in bad circumstances. My brother Joey, and his two older siblings were in foster care for a period of time because neither their mother or father wanted to deal with them. There are too many children in this situation. Contraception should be affordable and accessible throughout our country. A woman's right to choose is the second tier of defense against more kids ending up in bad circumstances. Also -- a woman's womb belongs to HER not to the government, a man or her church.
01:13 AM on 03/14/2012
Adoption is no guarantee that the baby will get a better life. The fact is that the woman is essentially giving her baby away to people who are strangers and she doesn't know for sure if they will make good parents. Not only that but she is likely choosing them based on their income level and that's no guarantee that they won't get divorced or experience a job loss in the future. In return, she is likely to be promised that it will be an open adoption but most of these adoptions become closed within the first year. Once she has signed away her parental rights, there's nothing she can do about it.
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Bluelynx
12:27 PM on 03/09/2012
All too often, oops fetuses become unwanted babies. Unwanted babies become abused children. Abused children end up like poor Joey: a life of misery, ended too soon.
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Shannon Bradley-Colleary
Aging Vaintress, Mom Butler, Wife Dominatrix
05:05 PM on 03/09/2012
Yes.
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05:08 PM on 03/09/2012
how often?
01:17 AM on 03/14/2012
Many of our prison inmates were unwanted children.
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Y Woodman Brown
live & let live
12:23 PM on 03/09/2012
Ok, the difference is this: a psychiatrist can prescribe medication, a psychologist cannot. Among those with flight-of-thought there is usually a great reluctance to lithium--it's like an anvil on the brain. A psychologist helps in picking-up the pieces, but they're not really too good with glue.

Know who's good with glue? little cross-eye girls...all the rest is just post-cheerleading angst--just let it go--just hold-out your palms and let it evaporate like sweat in a cool breeze.
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Mindy Czech
Cindy's wife for life.
12:20 PM on 03/09/2012
I'm really sick and tired of the people who keep saying that when you abort, you could be aborting our next president or nobel prize winner. Yeah, you could also be aborting the next Jack the Ripper. Why is it that aborted fetuses are often classified by anti-choicers as people who would likely grow up, join mensa, and do something like end world hunger? They never say they could become degenerate criminals, just amazing and successful educated people. It boggles the mind.

Not to mention the fact that it's often best for the woman. If she has kids already and can barely feed them, how will she do it with another mouth to feed? If the pregnancy is risking her life and she has children, how is it fair to the already born children that they could likely not have a mother in several months, along with another possible dependent to fully support? As for putting it up for adoption, well if you're already a mother, how do you explain your growing belly to your kid and that their sibling is going up for adoption?
frbridge
In all things acknowledge Him
12:56 PM on 03/09/2012
It's such a difficult topic. I think anyone, regardless of what side of the issue they are on, should at the very least listen to what the other has to say and try to gain their perspective.

Now, you don't have to agree, but I think productive dialogue can only occur when the communicative process is one of mutual respect.
01:19 AM on 03/14/2012
Speaking of adoption, here's something else. How is that person who was put up for adoption going to feel when he or she looks up his or her birth family and finds out that he or she has siblings the parents kept? Many adoptees get a real sense of rejection when they find that out.
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CRoeber
"Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations"
12:19 PM on 03/09/2012
So if I create a zygote in a test tube and DON'T implant it in a woman, I committed murder?

Lots and lots of scientists should apparently be in prison.
frbridge
In all things acknowledge Him
01:37 PM on 03/09/2012
It is quite the ethical question. From the couple who conceives this way, to the MD who provides such a service, to the life which exists in the test tube or petri dish.
01:22 AM on 03/14/2012
Most of them don't get implanted because they are deemed nonviable and aren't likely to survive the implantation process so they are discarded as medical waste. The same thing also happens to the leftover embryos when the couple feel they have all the children they want and don't want to try again.
Carroll27
Nature's own nice conservative
11:29 AM on 03/09/2012
So you lost me when you said that it would be better for your friend's babies to be DEAD than in their mother's care. DEAD better than alive.

But you say you love your children, and as we know, you are an honorable woman.
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Zilo
Indie--The GOP opposes critical thinking
11:50 AM on 03/09/2012
You didn't understand the article at all. Instead of bothering, you chose to go for the emotional plea, leaving all logic out of it. That's common with anti-choicers.
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DTOM1776
Veritas Liberabit Vos
12:23 PM on 03/09/2012
Greetings Zilo

Oh no. Carroll27 understands the article just fine. It is an attempt to JUSTIFY killing of innocent humans based on some type of potential unfortunate future. That justification doesn't even pass a logical 'smell test.'

Human life has value, or it does not. It is an all or nothing proposition. Which is it?
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jessicadevyn
Danger Zone
12:39 PM on 03/09/2012
Why haven't I fanned you yet zilo? I have appreciated your logical and articulate posts. F and F.
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jessicadevyn
Danger Zone
12:02 PM on 03/09/2012
There are no babies in the womb anymore than there are teenagers, adults, or senior citizens in the womb.
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DTOM1776
Veritas Liberabit Vos
12:13 PM on 03/09/2012
Greetings jessicadevyn

Yeah....but there are HUMANS in the womb. That is were the problem is... More powerful humans destroying the innocent, voiceless and powerless.
frbridge
In all things acknowledge Him
01:00 PM on 03/09/2012
That would common thinking, but once sperm and egg unite, the DNA of a human life is created. It is the same DNA of the fetus, baby, infant, teenager, adult and senior citizen it will continue to develop into. It is in fact a human life, just in a very early stage.
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11:02 AM on 03/09/2012
Thirty-four weeks is well into gestation. One moment the mass of cells is close to "fetal death". A few moments later it's a baby and presumably now a human. I envy those that can make the distinction that best fits their circumstances. Finding a comfortable position on either side of the issue seems to be too easy.
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anon004
Yes, it's true -- reality has a liberal bias
01:14 PM on 03/09/2012
The position is I get to choose for me. I don't get to choose for you. Anything else is dishonest.
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02:57 PM on 03/09/2012
who gets to choose for the child. what if your child was to grow up and become an obgyn and help others with their choice; havent you denied others their choice?
01:16 PM on 03/09/2012
Please tell us what you support with regard to governmental assistance to, and protection of, unwanted or unaffordable CHILDREN. Once you explain how unwanted children will receive a loving and well-nourished and well-educated CHILDHOOD, then we can talk about fetuses and zygotes.
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02:58 PM on 03/09/2012
lets talk about feelings. when do people start to feel? is not inception born of feelings?
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Shannon Bradley-Colleary
Aging Vaintress, Mom Butler, Wife Dominatrix
05:09 PM on 03/09/2012
Yes.
10:58 AM on 03/09/2012
you could always consider adoption as an alternative to abortion
01:32 PM on 03/09/2012
Some women do. That's their choice, not yours, not the government's.
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05:10 PM on 03/09/2012
why is it their choice?
09:23 PM on 03/09/2012
so you are saying that rape victim is not forced to pay the tax then
that they have tax free alternatives to abortion?

Meaning the thesis of this article is proven wrong
01:40 AM on 03/14/2012
What if it is a minority baby or a handicapped baby? Very few people want to adopt them.