To pull myself out of depression, I wrote a letter to the future me. The one who hopefully, figured things out. The future me who I sensed was more happy and healthy. This was a pivotal turn and tool to help be reach a more joyful, happy life.
Dear Future Me,
I see you smiling, sitting so peacefully; you are simply in awe. You are looking at me, the younger, more naïve, more determined, more self-righteous self; you have nothing but love and gratitude for me. You watch me cry on my living room floor, completely bored and unmotivated by life. You see that I am depressed at how large my body has become; you see me struggle daily. You see the pain I carry around in my heart, and you watch me avoid mirrors because I hate what I see.
You see my struggle, you see me have momentary outbursts and cry in fits of rage; and you see that I make it through. You see that I am okay. My pain, my struggles, my issues are not what define me. You see that I make it through this rough patch, and you know that I come out stronger, smarter and more self-aware than ever before.
Future me, you are so elegant and poised; you have a sophisticated, yet laid back, manner that makes me want to get to know you much sooner. I see you smile with gratitude for all of the lessons I am in the middle of. The gut wrenching, painful moments of extreme self-hate, followed by harsh judgments and flurries of condescending words; you are proud to have them be a part of your past. You made it through and hold nothing but positive loving thoughts for yourself. You love yourself so much it shines through every pore of your body. Your energy is light and tender; I want to get to know you sooner.
Future Me, you have a knowing way about you that is wise, patient and graceful. You see that everything is always in right order and that what I am going through right now is part of my bigger plan. It is as if you know that all of this turbulence and stress was divinely put into my life to help me become the person I need to be; the person that you ARE.
Your eyes are soft and full of love for everything. I see that you have compassion that flows through your every movement. You have so much love to give the world, and you are shining with it.
Future self, I see you, and I know that you are so proud of me for learning these lessons, for rolling up my sleeves and doing the work on myself that is required; for getting into the trenches of my own life to prepare me for my next chapter. You are oozing with awareness and you see that I am getting it. Day by day, I am learning.
I choose to work towards you, and by taking responsibility for my life, I am able, one day, and hopefully soon, to be you. You smile because you see that I get it, that the choices I make today affect you and your daily life in the future. You see that I am showing up and doing the best I can. You see that what may feel like not enough, even a failure, for me is more than enough in your eyes. You are proud and honored to have been me.
You have become everything you knew you could be because of what I am experiencing right now. This pain, this troubled heart, the burdens of my yesterdays are slowly being released. Day by day, I make a choice to show up and do the work on myself to be the person you have become.
Future self, you show me what is possible. You shine love and self-respect in a manner that I can't grasp in this moment, though I am trying; you tell me that I am enough, and I see that somewhere between you and me, we have figured it out. I am so thankful that you take care of yourself every single day. You love yourself both inside and out, and you don't need anyone's approval. I am so honored to become you. Future self, the most powerful thing you are showing me is what is possible with our life. I can't wait to meet you.
You have let go of worrying about any outcome; you know that everything always works out. You have forgiven all of your ex-lovers and fallen fully in love with yourself.
You are not defined by your problems, or any situation that you find yourself in. You ride the waves of life with such ease; it makes me want to catch up to you faster.
Future self, I want to be where you are -- happy, healthy, and free of worries, in love with every part of our life. I see that together we figure it out. I know that my life is a moment-by-moment web of intricate experiences and reactions that help me shape you. I am working to make myself better for you, for us.
I am showing up for all of my assignments. I am choosing to be happy. And I am choosing to love openly and honestly. Future self I am going to take big risks because I know that you know that I, that WE, need me to. I am not going to settle EVER AGAIN.
I am going to leap into the unknown and completely follow my heart. I am going to become the person you know I can be. Future self, you are my guide and you show me what is possible for our life. You show me that no matter what life throws at us, we are stronger, smarter, healthier and more beautiful than ever, not because we rise above it, though we do, but because we have the courage to keep going.
Our experiences make us who we are. I choose to let my dreams and my successes define me; I release my problems and the attachments that keep me identifying with them. I am no longer weighed down by self-loathing thoughts. I choose to be happy.
Future self I love you, and I am so unbelievably proud I get to become you.
Your younger, not so together, sad and overweight, yet doing the best she can, and hopeful self...
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