THE BLOG

Stop Blaming Yourself for Everything in 3 Easy Steps

08/20/2014 06:22 pm ET | Updated Oct 20, 2014
Ilya Bushuev via Getty Images

There are two types of people in the world, according to Rhonda Britten. Those who blame others for their problems, and those who blame themselves.

When I was suffering from depression, I spent a lot of time blaming myself for just about everything. I was a victim of my own circumstances and it certainly kept me feeling low and sad. It was hard for me to be accountable or see the big picture.

If you find yourself blaming others or yourself for everything, it can be hard to let go. But with more awareness and a daily practice of self-compassion, it is possible.

No matter what, blaming yourself (or others) for situations keeps you unhappy because you feel like you have no control.

A healthier alternative is to go beyond the blame by looking at your life and obstacles as an opportunity to take action.

When we move past blame, we are able to take responsibility and release the guilt attached to self-blame.

If you punish yourself or others for mistakes, then these tips can help.

1. Reframe What You Should Do
Many of us pressure ourselves to do things we don't want to do. "I should workout." "I should call them back." "I should do more in my day." We end up shoulding all over ourselves. Instead of saying "should," start saying "could."

"I could" is more empowering, freeing and expansive. It gives you permission to feel more joy in the moment.

2. Look at the Big Picture
Every situation we experience is part of a bigger plan. When you can look at setbacks and opportunities for growth, life becomes easier and there is less pressure. Look at the blessing in each lesson. Instead of blaming yourself for a situation, look for the silver lining. Ask yourself: what could this situation teach me?

3. Trust Yourself
Many folks blame themselves after the fact, most often because of regret or denial. This happens because we don't trust ourselves. We make choices for the wrong reasons. But when you learn to trust yourself, you will have more confidence. This eliminates self-doubt. You will be aligned with your true self and innermost desires. That naturally creates a compassionate experience and helps you remove self-blame.