05/03/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Quitting For Dummies! by Sarah Palin

Publisher HarperCollins has announced Palin's next venture in book makin'. According to them, she is working on a "celebration of American virtues and strengths."

Good Lord, are they joking? No. What's next in the series? "Cooking for Cannibals" and "Dating for Rapists"?

Virtues and strength are easy to admire. If Sarah is writing a "do as I say and not as I do" it may be worth a read. The publisher noted, "She will also draw from her personal experience to amplify these timely -- and timeless-- themes." If this literary adventure is about her life experience, here are some chapter titles I might suggest:

Chapter One: The Virtue of having the State of Alaska pay you to sleep in your own bed, pay for the travel of your children and install your tanning bed.

Chapter Two: The Strength of a family who breaks the law to bully a former brother-in-law. Flex, flex.

Chapter Three: The Virtue of being the victim of David Letterman then appearing with Jay Leno after he joked about John Edwards knocking up your daughter.

Chapter Four: The Strength of controlling your girlie bits to keep a pre-mature, special needs baby tucked inside on a 3,047 mile flight. (BTW, New York to L.A. is 2,443 miles.)

Chapter Five: The Virtue of not paying taxes on your "cabins".

Chapter Six: The Strength of standing up to Alaskan fishermen in your own family by becoming an "accidental" campaign spokesperson for the dreaded Pebble Mine.

Chapter Seven: The Virtue of saying Obama was "pallin' around with terrorists" when as governor she had allocated funds to hire G. Gordon Liddy to be the "open the ANWR" spokesperson.

Chapter Eight: The Strength of saying you won't "sit down and shut up" and then telling your critics "to sit down and shut up" ON THE FOURTH OF JULY...oh, that was me.

Chapter Nine: The Virtue of quitting your job and making a pile of money for yourself and calling it "for the good of all Alaska".

Chapter Ten: The Strength of defending your children while using them as props as proof of your ideology.

Chapter Eleven: The Virtue of asking for Rahm Emanuel's firing for using the "R" word, but calling Rush Limbaugh's use "satire"...over forty times in one broadcast.

Chapter Twelve: The Virtue of LYING to the American people about the dangers of "Death Panels" in federal health care when your own grandchild is a beneficiary of Indian Health Services/Alaska Native Health.

Oh...I'm just getting started, how many volumes did she sign for?

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