Learning to Give Freely

You brush past them every day on the sidewalk, drive past them at the end of the onramp to the freeway. The homeless.

Without having a conversation with them, you know exactly how they got that way. Drug addicts. Alcoholics. Uneducated people who failed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Scam artists who choose not to bathe and let their teeth go to hell so they can live a life of luxury based on the quarters they collect every day.

You employ whatever judgment you conjure up that helps you reduce their humanity to the point that they become invisible.

I am guilty of it. I don't always help. I come up with excuses for my own behavior. I am busy. I can't take 30 seconds. I don't have any cash on me. I don't want to talk to them. If I give them my hard-earned money, they will spend it frivolously and as a result it will be wasted.

But if I give freely, what do I care? If I choose to give, it is the recipient's responsibility to be responsible with the gift received. If they make other choices, I still did the right thing.

And regardless, they are people. They have names. They live a life here on the planet with us. They have a story.

The other day I stopped at a Starbucks. An older man smiled a practically toothless little grin at me and opened the door. I've seen him there before. I recognized his face. I've brushed past him every time. But today I wasn't in such a tailspin that I couldn't help, and I had cash on me.

As soon as I purchased my coffee, I brought him a dollar then went back inside to add some sugar and cream. I watched him through the window watching people moving past at lightning speed -- dropping their glance so they wouldn't make eye contact with him at all and chance a conversation. Watching him politely open the doors for everyone coming into the coffee shop whether they acknowledged him or not.

I thought about my kids and wondered -- if they'd been there with me, would I have treated him any differently to set an example of compassion? My little consciences. I would. And since they weren't there to learn firsthand a story would have to do.

On the way back out the door, I asked his name.

He looked down and said, "My name is Lloyd."

I bent over to look up into his face to regain eye contact with him and said, "Well, Lloyd, what are you asking people money for? What do you want to do with it?"

Lloyd said, "I want to get a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich because I'm hungry."

I said, "I don't have another dollar on me but I do have a debit card. Can I get you something from the McDonald's next door?"

Lloyd smiled and said, "That would be really nice."

We walked over to the McDonald's and chatted along the way. He had four teeth. He hadn't showered in a while. He said no one ever really talks to him other than to say the word "No." He said he was lonely.

Once inside the McDonald's, I asked him what he wanted from the menu. He said, "Ma'am, you know what? Since this is a treat I would really, really love a vanilla shake if you don't mind. I haven't had one in a long time. It's hot today."

I ordered Lloyd's vanilla shake. People were staring at us. Not sure what to make of all this. His smell wasn't mixing so great with the smell of french-fries and burgers either. I asked the cashier to give me two $10 gift cards as well on the sly without Lloyd noticing.

When the milkshake appeared, I handed it to Lloyd, along with the cards and the receipt of purchase in case he had any trouble when he came back. He literally jumped up and down -- right there, in front of everyone. He kissed me on the cheek, gave me a smelly little hug and said, "I didn't ask you what your name is."

I said, "Shelley. And Lloyd, it is a pleasure to meet you. I hope you have a blessed day."

I might never see Mr. Lloyd again but he blessed my life. I changed his world a little bit and he changed mine. And while I might not take advantage of every opportunity that pops up like this for whatever reason, I have to say with regard to giving -- I'm Lovin' It.

 

Comments

[amandastories]

03:44 PM on 05/10/2011

Thank you for this story. I loved reading it. I want to share something I do now. I give bottled water. I'd read that it's hard for the homeless to get water so last time I gave a bag of change and a few bills to someone I also handed him a water. His eyes were amazing when he saw it. I knew it had been a good gift.

[Shelley Hendrix Reynolds]

04:26 PM on 05/10/2011

You are so welcome! I am glad you liked it. And that is a GREAT idea to pass out bottled water - every little moment of kindness counts...and lets you change one person's world a little at a time.

[KFuller]

03:08 PM on 05/10/2011

Over the years I have taught all of my children that it costs nothing to smile and raise their hand to greet someone less fortunate. Recently I have begun carrying Mcdonalds gift cards to give to those who truly look like they could use a meal. No one gets more pleasure from this than my youngest who is affected by regressive Autism. We can't mandate compassion, but we can teach it. I have high hopes that we are accumilation many Karma points so that kindness will return to my son as he needs it when I am gone., Thank you for setting a good example.

[Shelley Hendrix Reynolds]

03:38 PM on 05/10/2011

You are so welcome! I think that is great that you have those in your pocket - or from anywhere - $10 Target giftcards or whatever to give to people. And again...you can't focus on whether or not they will utilize your gift as intended. It's a gift. Give it and keep on moving with a smile on your face knowing YOU did the right thing.

[mrsL]

01:15 PM on 05/10/2011

You did the right thing - and so did Lloyd in thanking you. I hope you both had a blessed day!

[Shelley Hendrix Reynolds]

03:35 PM on 05/10/2011

Thank you so much Mrs. L. It's so easy to walk on by people and I think the thing that resonated with me with my conversation with Lloyd was how lonely he was because everyone just made assumptions. If everyone made just a few small acts of kindness every week imagine how our world could change.

[Karma2U]

12:15 AM on 05/24/2011

Thank you so much for sharing this Shelley - it the first good cry I've had in a long time.

I usually buy the homeless voice from the people on the street and I send a check to the shelter when I can - but because of your story, I will now start carrying food/gift cards for when I encounter a less fortunate person.I know in my heart that the connection you made with Lloyd was a gift he will always cherish. Bless you both!