Kathryn the Great

It was bound to happen. Adolescence. How did he get here so fast?

Just the other day my son Liam was on his way home from the hospital wrapped in a blue blanket. In a world crammed with autism -- chock full of therapy, treatments, doctor visits, specialists, learning how to cook without wheat or milk when you are Southern, caretakers, schedules, arguments with the school district, a fight to get resources, insurance coverage, raising money for research, endless questions with no answers, advocating -- his childhood just flew.

I blinked and my baby boy became a young man.

Revealing more of his intentions with each passing day, his life is clearly mapped out. At 16, he's going to work at McDonald's to save money for a royal blue Ford Mustang with two white racing stripes. He wants to go to college and travel to Paris to see Notre Dame. When he is all grown up, he wants to work in a slow food restaurant as a chef.

Somewhere over the course of the last year, just like plenty of other boys his age, he fell deeply under the spell of a girl. Her name is Kathryn.

She pursued him and he is twitterpated beyond belief.

Despite all the coaching I constantly provide him, this new situation took me by surprise. His first love -- a present that I couldn't wait for him to get but wasn't sure he would have the opportunity to open.

Her interest in Liam is genuine. Why wouldn't it be? He is handsome and sweet. They have been officially, and faithfully, going steady since last fall right after he broke things off with Mrs. Fuller, his beautiful, blond math teacher. Sitting on a bench at recess, he told Mrs. Fuller that she was great but he needed to be with a girl his own age.

She took it well.

Kathryn's influence on Liam is something to treasure. As a mother you soon learn your limits, hoping eventually another woman will have a stronger influence on your boy. No need to nag about hygiene anymore because he wants to look nice for her -- wants his haircut a certain way and uses hair gel, flosses and brushes his teeth, applies deodorant without prompting -- somewhere around mid-December he begged me to take him to Wal-Mart to get some A-X-E, which he spelled out during the request. She makes him reach outside of himself and in the process, more considerate. He has given her a present for every special occasion since Halloween -- presents that he picked out himself with significant planning to be sure and find that something special that she would like.

To help him anticipate the wild pitches girls can throw, every day when I dropped him off at school, I would say, "What are you going to tell Kathryn today?"

I threw out rote conversation starters. He repeated them until they flowed naturally.

"Kathryn, your hair looks pretty today."

"Kathryn, I like your blue eyes."

"Kathryn, your smile is beautiful."

As the year wore on, I paused -- giving him a chance to come up with his own daily ice breaker. Sometimes he would succeed. Other times, he would say things like, "Kathryn, you have really nice knees." Smile. While I am certain Kathryn does have really nice knees, I explained that girls smile bigger and brighter when you compliment their hair, eyes and clothes rather than their joints.

This new issue shines a light on how much I have left to teach him about social navigation in the mere five years before he is officially an adult.

This past Thursday, he reported to summer school to take Louisiana's LEAP test for the fourth time as part of George Bush's 20/20 vision to make sure no child is left behind, not one. We have battled for the last 18 months with our school system which requires all children, regardless of their special education classification, to pass a standardized test to move to the next grade.

Upon finding out that he failed for a third time back in May, Liam accepted defeat and the fact that he would once again be relegated to elementary school -- not progressing to the sixth grade by Kathryn's side as he had hoped. The whole process has been demoralizing for him. He has challenges but his educational level should not prevent him from having an opportunity to be in a class with his peers.

There is a huge difference between a child that is 13 and a child that is 8 -- physically and socially.

Phrases like "I'm a loser" and "I wish I weren't stupid" re-entered his vocabulary. He gave up his fight. We were about to give up with him -- caught in the crosshairs of a world of wanting him to succeed and move on with his peers and a world of protecting him from the bullies that inevitably come with his entry into middle school.

I expected him to be downhearted when I pulled into school to pick him up after a long, hot day of summer testing. Instead, he jumped in the car with a huge smile on his face.

"Mom, that's it. I don't want to come back here in the fall. I do want to go to sixth grade. Can I call Kathryn when I get home?"

WHAT? MY BOY WANTS TO CALL A GIRL... help, hyperventilating. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

As soon as we pulled into the driveway he grabbed the phone, ran inside and independently dialed her number.

"Hi. My name is Liam. Can I talk to my girlfriend Kathryn?" He looked at me and winked his "watch this" wink, then leaned back against the kitchen counter and stuck his hand in his left pocket. His foot tapped nervously on the tile floor.

"Hi Kathryn! It's me, Liam, your boyfriend! Do you know where you are going to go to middle school? (pause) Uh-huh. Ok. Say it again? Can you spell it for me -- I don't know what you are saying? (pause) Mom can you give me a pencil?" (pause, pencil in hand -- shoots me another wink, then carefully repeats the spelling back to her).

"Cool. How is your summer? Are you going on vacation? We went to New York City and Dauphin Island. "

Long pause as he listened to Kathryn explain her summer activities.

"Nope, no camps this year."

The conversation continued on the other end of the phone.

"Hey...next week do you want to go see Ice Age with me, my sister and my mom or go to our pool to swim?"

Oh My God. He just asked her out. I feel like Fred Sanford grabbing my chest. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Do not cry.

"Ok. I gotta go now. Catch you later."

Slapped the phone into my hand, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I need to go to the sixth grade."

I love watching his eyes light up when he talks about a future that medical professionals had no faith in when they diagnosed him eleven years ago. We never let anyone steal our hope but we were about to let the system get us down. We never let him believe he would be anything other than the very best he could be. He doesn't want to be anything less than the very best he can be either.

When I tucked him in that night, because I intend to still tuck him in as long as he will let me, he said, "Mom, when I grow up I am going to marry Kathryn. I will go live in a different house and you will be sad. We will have two boys named Ben and Steve and one girl. Then one day, I will have a barbecue on my Happy Father's Day. You can come over, bring us a cake and you will be happy!"

I hope so baby boy.

Hopefully one day, because of someone as wonderful as Kathryn the Great, we will be able to have that cake -- and eat it, too.

Comments

[ladybleaux]

Shelly girl!!

It can't POSSIBLY be 16 years!!! Even though I've been just across town ever since that sweet boy was born I can't believe how far HE and YOU have both come.

You have SO much to be proud of .... You know I am well aware of how long this journey has been for you and your lovely Liam.

I am so excited that he has found his first true love. Such a wonderful, pure, beautiful joy that teenagers of today often rush through and don't really experience in their headlong push to reach adult hood. Your lovely Liam feels no urgency to be an adult before his time. He can enjoy things as they come to him, in his own time, at his own pace. His first true love. How wonderful for you both.

And you get to share it with all of us so we can revel in and share the joy with you as he discovers each new milestone in this glorious journey we call life which for Liam, while quite a bit different but no reason for it to be any LESS GLORIOUS!!!

Be well Shelly and know that we are all out here supporting you and cheering both you and Liam on each and every step of the way.

WE don't see each other often enough but you know I love you and would do anything for you that I can. All you have to do is ask!!

BIG HUGS!!
Connie Steward ;-)

[tapeatsbill]

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In the space is the power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Victor Frankl

Wow Shelley,

You chose hope and that has made all the difference.

You Rock!

Bill

[advocate70806]

OMG, Shelley, You did it again. I hope you are happy because I am over here balling my eyes out. I know this time will be coming soon for Ricky. I hope that he will find his own Kathryn the Great. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with us. I am so happy for Liam (and you). Yes, You will eat cake and you will be happy! I am waiting for your book. I will be the first inline at the autograph signing.

Love ya!

Toni Peters
Denham Springs, LA

[Keys2UA]

Ricky will definitely do this. He has to have a first lady when he is mayor of Denham anyway right? :) And you know whose cake I want to eat? Yours...the yummy one that you posted on the FB with the Cool Whip and strawberries and blueberries. Yum Yum. One of these days the book will be done. Slow going . I still get too distracted from it....squirrel. Love you. Thanks for the happies!

[kwombles]

What a wonderful story! And a big leap forward. Never underestimate the power of the opposite sex as a motivator. :-)

My son, who has autism and cognitive impairment from a stroke, has had his first two girlfriends this year (he'll be 20 in the winter); both have attended the day center for the disabled that he attends. He's managing phone calls (sometimes two at the same time, one from his girl friend, the other from his best friend), engaged in the outer world, and socializing. And above that, happy. Happy and aware are big deals!

Best wishes for continued improvement.

On another note, the IEP or equivalent should be able to stipulate no standardized testing or sufficient aids or adjustments (we have the option here to do so on the standardized form when we have our annual meetings). It's a battle I'd be waging if he has an IEP (they call them ARDs here, and it sounds odd).

[Chantal Sicile-Kira - Huffpost Blogger]

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing, Shelley.

[LeftRight]

Although all three of my own kids are healthy, this still made me laugh/cry..... Thank you Shelly for making my week!

[Shelley Hendrix Reynolds - Huffpost Blogger]

I believe in hope . I believe in these kids. I know that they all have it in them it is just finding the right thing to unlock it and set it free. And I know this, don't let any bitterness set into your heart. Life has all kinds of mess all around...and all kinds of heartache. Focus on the good things in life and that's what you will see. You have to search for the little gems like this that are out there....and savor every second of them.

[Rileysmom1204]

This is the laugh and cry story I dream of for my little boy Shelley. Thank you for sharing this with the world. You have every right and so does Liam to look forward to the future with happiness and fear of the unknown. I hope to someday look towards the future with joy and no anxiety. It will happen and as long as I keep reading stories like yours...I have hope.

[shka2228]

Dear Shelley,
Even though I never met you, your Mom or Liam I feel like I know you all so well through emails and stories that I have been receiving and reading for the past five years.

I know each perfect little step is a leap. Shaun, my Grandson, is doing excellent. He is now going in the third grade. Completely mainstreamed.

My kids just bought a new house, and Shaun is very aniexty ridden with the thought of starting a new school, that he may not have friends. (How cool is that, he is worrying about friends) Something I never thought possible after the diagnosis was handed down.
.
I told him, "It will be a new experience going to a new school."
"Grandma this is life changing!"

Now, as I read of Liam's progress it is another wish of mine that I hope will become a realitity; he will have a Kathryn who will understand and like him for all his literal ways.

I am sitting here with a smile on my face.
Sincerely,
Shelley from New Jersey

[Caitlin Reiss]

Great story! Kathryn and Liam's relationship is beautiful and inspiring! This is a great story to share with someone who might be going through a rough patch with their kid, disability or not!

Caitlin Reiss
Autism Speaks DC -- Intern
autismspea­ksdc.blogs­pot.com

[rheroman]

This is fantastic! I laughed I cried...... just kidding. well maybe not. I did laugh and I did tear up. So very true for all young boys! Great article that crosses the barriers of definitions and labels!

[divarady]

OMG, Shelley, my eyes are watering as I read this. These are the kind of stories I need to hear to keep me going for my own little guy!
Relish this moment!!!!!
-Di Varady