A Death In the Family

John McNamara 1965-2009

This has been a summer for famous people dying. The iconic anchor man Walter Cronkite and Frank McCourt, the notable Irish American author of Angela's Ashes, recently left the scene. I write here of another Irish American's death: my nephew by marriage, John McNamara, called Johnny Mac by his friends, who died yesterday after a three year battle with cancer. And what a battle it was. He fought like a champion to stay alive, enduring every form or medical treatment so as to be there for his two-year-old son Jack and his wife Jennifer. He lost that battle but he left behind a legacy as valuable as that of Cronkite or McCourt: a legacy of helping out in troubled times.

John was a New York City fireman. Plain, but not simple. He worked tirelessly at the cleanup after 9/11, exposing himself to every known and unknown toxin that settled in the air at Ground Zero, toxins undisclosed and misrepresented by our then panicky and disingenuous leaders. It can be truly said that his work there cost him his life. He later rushed to volunteer in New Orleans after Katrina, rescuing people and animals, living in those polluted waters, sending home messages for relief packages for the survivors, and looking for homes for lost dogs. He was that rare creature, an altogether good man who found his deepest pleasure in helping others. Virtue, old fashioned virtue, comes in short supply these days; it is so rare that it is often suspected of being faked, but John had it real and in abundance. He lived by his word. Because John made decency seem so easy one mistook it for simplicity, like watching a great athlete or actor -- the effortlessness of true talent. His was a genius for kindness.

When my 92-year-old mother-in-law insisted upon living alone in her apartment, long past the time when that was a good plan, John, during those times when he was off duty from his firehouse work, would often visit with her, play cards with her, take her marketing, walk her dog, and make a lonely old woman feel that she mattered to him. He had a great smile and a natural wit -- he called things as he saw them -- but he was no plaster saint. He could be irreverently funny and get more than annoyed by what he considered unfairness. When he married my niece Jennifer he even called me Uncle Sherman, much to my bewilderment -- adopting me immediately as his family elder although I am anything but avuncular. Best of all for me, he enjoyed and understood my plays and political essays and called me from time to time to discuss them with me. No greater flattery can a writer feel than to be taken seriously by an intelligent guy who listens hard, learns much, and is not afraid to challenge or to be challenged by other folk's ideas. He had voted for Obama but he kept a sharp eye on Washington, which had more than once betrayed the firefighters.

Later, after his colon cancer appeared, and so many of his fellow first responders began to die of 9/11 related illnesses, he became an activist in the cause of these Ground Zero workers -- a voice to be reckoned with who would travel to Washington with such champions of their cause as Congresswoman Caroline Maloney, hoping to make the case for government recognition of their medical needs and their sacrifice.

As I visited John at his backyard family gatherings and later during his many hospital stays, I came to know some of his brothers in the fire department: for brothers they were. These men would drive him from his home on Long Island for treatment for his cancer at Sloan Kettering in Manhattan and wait around for news of his progress, with someone always there to drive him home. They were heroes without hook and ladder. There is something remarkable about that brotherhood born in shared danger but developed in quiet times. It was so much more than the camaraderie of beer and football, both of which John enjoyed: it was plain old- fashioned brotherly love. Corny? Sure. True? Absolutely.

My sons Nick and Chris and my daughter-in-law Lise loved John as someone who "got it." Someone with a life force in him, with a spirit of fun wedded to an underlying decency that made his company welcomed everywhere. Aware that he did not have long to live, he asked my son Nick to make sure that Nick's four-year-old daughter Vivian grew close to Jack, for to John, family was everything. He could be sympathetic without prying; your problem was not viewed as an opportunity to show his feelings but a chance to offer you simple comfort. John had a rough sweetness, he was a man without artifice -- he spoke his mind freely but always with complete candor and generosity. He could be irreverent, sometimes outrageous, but never cruel. My niece Jen will have a hard time in the days to come, as will his son Jack, who will find it hard to understand why his father is no longer a presence in his life. But those firemen and their wives will be there for them, as well as their many family friends. Time does not heal everything, often it heals nothing, but it does dull the pain, and it helps to know that we are not alone in the world with our grief. John's last days were difficult ones for him and for his wife. Jen showed extraordinary courage, clinging to whatever hope was offered by his doctors, until hope was no longer a possibility. Medical complications piled up on his frail body, the dreaded sepsis and pneumonia arrived to prevent him from taking the necessary life saving chemo, but he continued to fight on even as there was little left to fight with. Finally, with Jen holding his hand, John slipped out of his life into our memories.

Our government, who has spread its largesse to saving our banks and auto manufacturers, is still refusing to compensate the workers at Ground Zero who became sick in the cleanup and aftermath, still challenging their claims. As our understanding of the environmental catastrophe of that tragedy deepens that may well change. Jen will struggle to make a life as a single working mother; her young son Jack, who grew so close to his father during his years of illness at home will feel a great void in his life; Jen's mother and father, Jack's grand-parents, John's sisters and brothers, and his buddies from the firehouse will be there for his family. And I will so miss this guy who had the nerve to call me uncle. One can say of John what can be said of few men: he has left the world richer for having been in it and poorer for having left it. Trust me, John McNamara mattered as much as any of those men and women who get the big obits in the New York Times. His son Jack, being so young, may not easily recall his father in the years to come. So I've written this for you, Jack. You need to know that your Dad was a good and caring man who dedicated his life to helping others, the best that any one of us can hope to be.

Comments

[Maureen Wolfe]

An angel on earth who was called home

[scotdana1991]

Thank you for the moving tribute. I aqm sorry for your loss.

[MsCuda]

Thank you for letting me know about John. Sometimes it seems so dark, living in this world, so every light that shines helps us all walk a little further down the road.

Bless John and all the firefighters, and bless you for sharing John with us.

[MrEguy]

A beautiful tribute to a real man. I didn't know him personally, but I know very well what he did. ~

Thank you, Mr McNamara. For your bravery, and countless unselfish gifts to others during your short lifetime. May you rest in peace.

[bambi6]

Thank you for sharing this lovely tribute to a truly loving person. I am very sorry for your loss.

[caril]

Sherman... I posted downthread last night and re-read your post this morning.

I wonder if it would be possible to post a photo of Johnny? Maybe in his uniform?

I would like a visal to remember him by... he deserves that.

thx.

[HOPEFOCUSED]

What a wonderful tribute. Brought me to tears.

My sincerest sympathies

[Rosemary Cain]

A beautiful, well written article. Johnny had faith and and a strong determination to live. He saw the good in everyone and never felt sorry for himself. He always put others first. He will be missed and NEVER FORGOTTEN....
My love and prayers t Jennifer, Jack and all the family, Rosemary Cain

[GardenerNorCal]

What a fabulous person he was. That's what's missing from all these health care debates. We lose sight of the person and only consider the bottom line.

I strive to be that kind of person. If we all found time for those small sorts of kindnesses I think we'd have a better world.

I just viewed Micahel Moore's Sicko for the first time I couldn't believe the last portion of the film about the 09/11 responders. How the Cuban medical system treated them when the US system repeatedly denied their care. Something is dreadfully broken with our system!

You were lucky to have a John McNamara in your life and I am sure you and all those who's lives he touched will never forget him. Maybe those in congress and private insurance sector were never graced with the presence of anyone like him.

[Halsey]

I'm shocked at so few comments on this most moving of stories. For me, it may turn out to be life-changing..John set the bar VERY high but if we all moved even an inch in his direction...what a great country this could be..eventually.

so again, Sherman, thank you for allowing us in during this time of grief. It was brave, beautiful, heartbreaking and hopefully (not just lip service..including from me...)...m­otivating.

You know, there were well over 1000 "comments" on some NY post story on will smith and scientology.... and so few here...the REAL WORLD with a REAL hero. There are bloggers with access to the White House..I KNOW that (um...Gary Hart..knock knock..Young Turk..knock knock ..)....President Obama MUST read this; if he's who I still hope he is..he MUST do something for the other hero's of 9/11, Katrina, Rita (and the long overdue Oklahoma City people)...

to America I say, This Man is our standard bearer.

Peace ON.

Wind Feather

[madatnewsmedia]

Halsey, the President isn't a miracle worker! While I think is a very compelling story, we have to do outr part. I am glad that there are men like Johnny Mac, who care about their communities and tried to make a difference. There should be more like him, but the President can only do so many things. This country is in so much trouble and it's going to take a little time to get us back on track! How would you handle all of the things that this president has had to deal with? I'm not making excuses, but this country woke up a little too late and now we want one man to make everything right. If he doesn't, folks have threatened to vote a different way. I think we have a president who cares, but this country has to care also.

[Halsey]

PART II..reply

Barak trusts (to a fault) Rahm...loyalty MUST have boundaries. My President reports to ME..not Rahm, not Geitner, no one but ME (his citizen voter). I've not lost all faith in him and do not expect miracles at all..again.he did not create this mess. another "but"..TAR­P"..naive.­.."public option "off" the table"...n­aive...EVE­N conservative AARP wants it...(and THIS is amazing..cause 80% of their members..are ON medicare in some way). So..I'm not putting blame on Barak...but..so far..however well intentioned...he's shown me to be..(I hate this) weak...not wanting to be a one term president...IF..he throw caution to the wind...got ANGRY...blatantly paraded the insured sick in front of CONGRESS and said YOU PICK WHO SHOULD DIE FROM NO INSURANCE...the just friggin WAIT forever..in front of the cameras for an answer.2nd term be damned...get TRUE Americans so ANGRY..max baucus will be shown the door..
(do you see my POV?)..I adore Barak..his kid gloves..gotta go..EVEN if it means..1 term..

[Halsey]

Part I..reply to mad..(and we are basically on the same page)

mad at news...I DO know our President inherited chaos that no person deserves...how 8 years..8 short years (they just seemed longer) of W and Cheney could bring such havoc on our country and the world..is beyond any comprehension I can conjure up. I KNOW Obama has an excellent heart and soul..."but"..like Clinton before...has this "best friends who backed me since I was a pup" thing...for Clinton..it was Robert Rubin..and yes...seemed small at the time..but the dismantling of Glass-Steg­all...OMG.­..maybe didn't start this banking mess..but my god...it gave "them" (the goldman sachs of Wall Street)...the loaded gun they so wanted..

to be continued...

[mendoza line]

Thank you, Sherman, for this very moving remembrance of a very special person.

[usna73]

I hope that your words are etched in stone. Young Jack will rise and live the with spitit and fullness of life which his father embodied. Heroism never dies. It always is passed on.

Please accept my condolences.

Let us all know how we can make a difference and petition the government to be sure that the heroes of 9/11 receive full and proper care and compensation.

[zanzig]

That has moved me to tears; I offer them in tribute.

[caril]

I'm glad you wrote this tribute and I'm glad I read it tonight.

I will remember John McNamara... and use that memory to push me to walk what I believe in.

He sounds like he was an incredible person...

A true hero who put others before himself.

I hope that is the message that Jack takes from this when he is older.

[mlaiuppa]

And what will Washington do when Firemen, EMTs and Policemen will refuse to help when another 9/11 type disaster strikes because they know they will get sick and our government will abandon them?

[biotechwoman]

An excellent question that should be posed to Gingrich, Palin, McCain and the Blue Dog Dems who believe that everyone in the US should fend for themselves. Thankfully there are still some heroic folks left who fight for the survival and dignity of others. Sadly this man John McNamara leaves us with fewer people who believe everyone deserves basic human rights.

[HPfanRJ]

Johnny Mac would never have refused to help in the face of any disaster, whether our politicos aid or abandon them or not, nor would those who follow in his way. That's what made him a man and elevates him far above those pols. I for one will do my best to emulate him and push them toward doing better my him and thereby by the best in us.

[vew]

They will not refuse to help. They never have and they never .