My Coming November Crackup

I just spoke to my old college friend Roger. We confessed to each other that we cannot wait until this election is over and for Obama to be elected President. We are older men with reasonably good nervous systems tested and toughened by life, death, and everything in-between, and yet this election has been a new high in personal fear and trembling. Our cracks are beginning to show even as it seems more and more likely that the good guys will win. And damn it, we have become more and more fearful and superstitious about expressing that hope for an Obama victory.

We both confessed to waking up real early and heading towards our laptops to check on the latest results in the presidential polls before feeding the cat or making the morning coffee, and finding that there is no Obama lead in Zogby, Rasmussen, USA or CBS large enough to put our fears to rest. A ten point lead? Nothing! What's that to these Republicans, trained from birth to swallow ten points for breakfast with their orange juice and Metamucil? Do we exaggerate their power to find and kill Osama, rig the voting machines, and smear, smear, smear Barack Obama into a narrow defeat all in the course of a single day before the election? Not a bit. We wonder why that power to destroy cannot be put in the service of building the country and working towards economic and social justice. You see, even us older guys can be shamelessly naïve.

Unlike our sons and daughters, we don't take much comfort in the comedians who target the Republicans on SNL and late night TV. We are old enough to remember that Chaplin's "The Great Dictator" didn't laugh the totalitarian governments into defeat, nor was Karl Kraus of Austria or Berthold Brecht's savage satires able to stop the spread of evil in Weimar Europe. Thank you very much Tina Fey, but darling that you are, you are preaching to the converted. The real Sarah Palin doesn't get it -- nor do her rabid followers. And we fear that they see the White House in the sights of their rifles.

We need a twenty point Obama lead tomorrow for us nervous guys to sleep easy. And even that may not do it. We know that such a lead is not likely in our divided country, even in the middle of this dire economic crises. Having seen the devious ways the Republicans operate, we find it impossible to believe that they will not once again pull some Rovian trick that turns our political and personal universe on its head - destroying our hopes for this country and our family's lives for another four years. We suspect the worst, while hoping for the best. And we fear that this country we love is running out of chances.

Our mutual friend and fellow classmate Bob, a fine landscape and city scene painter, just died of melanoma in Maine. Among his last acts was sending in an absentee ballot for Obama, knowing that he would not live to see the results of this election. Like many of my generation he cared about the world that he will not live to see. And damn it, this time, Bob's hopes and ours must not be betrayed. No, forget the crackup, I won't go to France or to pieces if McCain/Palin is elected. I will go out and start working on the next campaign - you see, my generation just won't give up on the old fashioned idea of a democratic government that cares about the least of its citizens. We reject the elitism of the ignorant with it's smears and it's lies which they call patriotism and we call baloney.

Comments

[procrustes]

Me too, Sherman...me, too.

I admire your "never say die until your dead" sentiment, except this time if our candidate loses there can be no question the cause will have been fraud. Then, god help us.

[RobinSeattle]

There are millions of us like you, Sherman. I have already voted (mail in voting), but the very first thing I do in the morning is check the polls on Daily Kos before I go and check out HuffPo and Americablog.

I'm spending so much time here with all the stuff that is going on with the campaign that I am having trouble getting anything done because I know this is such a watershed election that will either see us fall as a nation or lend us a chance to recover our footing.

This is why everybody should vote. The turnout should be 100%, that is how important it is this time around. How it won't be is beyond me, but until the election is called Nov. 4th, I will be white knuckling it.

[Shieldmaiden]

I needed this article. George Bush came into office when I was just 14 years old and now I feel like I'm 60. My cousin has gone to Iraq twice, I can't afford to go to college, and I voted for Kerry last time. I'm 22 years old and I feel like I'm having a heart attack every single day even if we're up in the polls. I cannot wait for November 5th, because I don't think my nerves can take much more.

[Purobi]

Your nerves will have to be strong. Go vote and take as many friends as you can. It is your country my dear (I am probably older than your mom) and we are giving you a completely messed up one. Take charge and take your country back (ours too).

[Martha601]

I feel your every woe! Hold on, it won't be that long. And read that Larry David post too, he feels exactly like we do. Hurry Nov. 4th, so that we can return to our regular routines! ...with an Obama win, of course!

[TenThings]

Well said. Let's just hope that we - as Americans, don't rest on our laurel and have the heart and appreciation to go out and vote.

If History is any guide, we don't want to BE History.

[proreality]

Mr. Yellen you are not alone. The polls have been cooked all along and the story line created by the MSM has served nothing more than to justify their own importance and sell advertising in what has become the greatest reality show ever. The corporate media has found a cash cow by framing this election as a "horse race" using false parity and contrived equivalency to force this illegitimate perspective has left many in this nation as anxious and disturbed as you, no matter what their disposition. Unfortunately that greed and self importance has left the door wide open for the fraud it would take for the Repugs to steal yet another election and not get called on it. I will now be waiting for the GOP attacks on a dead man voting in Maine.

[sjmaureen]

I understand everything you are going through. Because my office is at home I check the polls compulsivly all day. After I finish feeding my family I am right back at it. Like you no lead is big enough...nothing calms my fear.

[USAFree1]

You know, in 2004, I went to bed feeling so light. We had done it! All that work and talking with people had done the job. The next morning, when I heard that overnight the total had flipped from 52% Kerry and 48% Bush to just the opposite, I had a panic/anxity attack. Full Blown! I really thought I was going to have a heart attack. The Republicans are already trying to "fix" the vote. Anything to put a damper on an Obama win. I have given money and talked and talked and talked to folks. I've registered voters and campaigned for Obama. BUT at the same time, I have the same, dare I say it, fear that McCain/Palin will somehow pull this off and either win by a hair or steal this election too. So to everyone reading this, don't get complacent. This election is it. It's make it or break it. Call it any trite phrase you want but get out there and get people to the polls, stand in line as long as it takes, and if you get challenged at the poll, call their challenge and take it to the election supervisor or whatever it takes to get your vote counted. Don't take a provisional ballot; go to the county/district election supervisor's office and DEMAND that your vote be counted. Obama/Biden '08.

[VcKrc]

I felt exactly the same that morning in 2004. I was on cloud nine after having attended Obama's Senate win at the Hyatt downtown the night before. Then the phone rang, "What happened?!" shrieked the voice on the other end. It was my sister. The night before she was concerned about Kerry ."He'll be fine" I said to her. He' s got the lead. You'll see in the morning." He wasnt. And I felt as if i had been dumped or something. You know, that sick feeling when you've been hurt badly?

So, when people see my Obama pin and say thing like, "he's going to win, you know he is", it scares me. I remind them of the Kerry loss and the Gore "win" . Anything can happen on the 4th. I tell them that Obama needs not ony to win, but to win BIG, with no question about it. And he is going to need every vote possible to make that happen. So vote, and get everyone you know to vote.

[RepugsOut08]

While I truly understand your worry, (and yes, VOTE VOTE VOTE) don't you just feel the difference from 2004? Everything, and I mean everything, is pointing to a huge win for Obama and the Dems in November.
People have had it with being tricked and lied to. Tax breaks for the wealthy did not create a booming economy. Just richer rich folks, and poorer poor folks. No amount of "surge" can wipe the stain off of the Iraq debacle. McCain has run a campaign that is just completely rudderless, and Obama has run as flawless a campaign as I've seen in 40 years of watching them.
Sarah Palin is Shakespearean in the way McCain's choice of her as VP is bringing him to ruin. Republicans, the ones who want to remain relevant anyway, are jumping ship so fast the rats are fighting for space in the water.
Don't get cocky, but don't have a coronary either. Keep up the fight, and try to enjoy this historic meltdown of the old giving way to the new. It's one for the books!

[Blakkwolfe]

Much like it was before the '04 World Series with the Boston Red Sox. If there was a way, anyway for things to go horribly, horribly wrong-it would. (Bill Buckner comes immediately to mind.) The Republicans will cheat. They will steal votes. They will twist the system in a Katherine Harris manner to give McPalin every concievable advantage. Let's hope that the collective voices of the intelligent will rise above the hate filled rhetoric and we'll wake up to a rare thing on November 5th...A glimmer of hope.

[Medomak]

I will be going to a memorial reception in Bob's honor this Friday in Maine. I too am more nervous about this election than any in my memory, which goes back quite a ways (I saw Jack Kennedy speak at my college). I think the stakes are higher today than any election in my lifetime.

I share your fear of what the dark Rovian forces might be willing to do to affect matters. The rule of thumb is, if they are complaining about something, like ACORN, they are probably doing the same thing, only worse.

I'm checking into fivethirtyeight.com, the poll-watching site, way more often than is healthy.

And I've already voted.

[robbor]

As an older man with a reasonably good nervous system tested and toughened by life, death, and everything in between, this election has been a new high in personal fear and trembling.

Man, I am with you. I've been waiting to inhale for the last 8 years.

[mwestorca]

I'm 70 year old retired schoolmarm.

But I feel exactly like Sherman. I wake up in the morning, am glad to realize I don't have to jump up and get ready to go to school. Then I realize the date! I jump up, flip on MSNBC, and wake up the laptop. First I take a look at HuffPost to make sure the world is still as it was when I left it late last night.

Then I read the news, starting with the NYTimes, then the Boston Globe, Washington Post, check the polls - gallup, RealClear Politics, Politico -

Only then do I go get my breakfast.

For the first time in many years I have hope that there will be change. And terrible fear of what will happen if McCain should win, keel over, and leave that ignorant, shallow woman in charge.

In the meantime, to cheer myself up I read:

Frank Schaeffer: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frank-schaeffer/obama-will-be-one-of-the_b_132843.html?view=screen

Libby's story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beth-broderick/when-do-we-vote_b_136703.html

Positive ad: http://downwithtyranny.blogspot.com/2008/10/tonights-inspiring-video.html

Then I can get on with my day. And between ironing shirts, loading the dishwasher, and teaching my online classes, I keep TV on and sneak peeks at HuffPost.

Yeah, yeah - recovery program, starting on Nov. 5 - and back to the Gym and start exercising again! For now I watch, wait, hold my breath . . .

[klo]

I just want to say that you rock!!!!

[ProudNeoCon]

I like your post - especially about not going to France and working on the next compaign. I disagree with you on politics but admire your spirit.

Do not worry: Conservatives like me will never not allow a sham elections. I am a die hard Republican but if I ever think the election was manipulated I will be the first on the streets... The idea of free elections is way more important that McCainor Obama... I hope the same feelings will prevent cheating from the left side of the isle...

[Foolacious]

You sound like my kind of conservative... the kind I was about 30 years ago. But are there enough Conservatives like you? There weren't enough in Ohio in 2004... in which a candidate actually somehow lost exit poll votes that he'd already won.

[Querent]

"Do not worry: Conservatives like me will never not allow a sham elections."

Freudian slip. For once, you speak the truth.

[Eres]

You guys really dropped the ball in 2004!

[alexiscarr]

I'm leaning Italian in a hurry. God help us all.

[LynnW49]

Testify, brother! This almost-senior woman is nervous, too. These days I worry a LITTLE less about getting the votes on election day, and more about how many will actually be counted. To that end, I voted early. I spent about 7 minutes on the oval next to Obama-Biden to be absolutely sure that I had filled it in completely and stayed within the lines. Before I did that, I read the instructions 4 times, checked three times to be sure the ball point pen was a black ink pen, and lined the table with paper so as not to get last night's dinner on the ballot. When I was done with the ballot, I checked it three times. I hand carried it to the county clerk's where 3 officials were handling early voting, turned it in, hung around to see where the clerk put it, and then paced around a little bit in the lobby before deciding it was probably okay to leave my ballot in their hands. And I live in a safe, decent small town in Montana where it really is okay to trust people. Had I spent that much time on my SAT test booklet forty years ago, I'd still be taking the test.

ANYWAY, VOTING EARLY IS A GOOD IDEA. It helps a little bit with the nervousness. At least I know my vote will be counted. Well, I am pretty sure. . .