In Memory of My Mother

My mother, Margot, was my best friend and my greatest role model. I lost her over 20 years ago to ovarian cancer. For 18 months, I watched her struggle to try and defeat this horrible disease. I watched the pain, the false hopes, the humiliation - and I watched as the cancer ate away at her body. My mother's will to live could not save her, and no amount of love or positive thinking could prevent her death.

At that time, I decided that the only way to make sense of this tragedy and the only way to honor my mother's memory was to help support scientific research that would hopefully eradicate this disease. Too many of our mothers are lost to cancer every day and I could not sit back and watch as others suffered in the same way as my mother had. And so I began my journey as a Cancer Advocate.

I hate cancer. I hate it like I've never hated anything in my life. It causes incredible pain and suffering and does not discriminate. It knows no class barriers; it is not conscious of race, religion or gender.

But, like other diseases that once caused fear and suffering, cancer can and will be cured. When I was growing up, we couldn't go to the beach because we were afraid of getting polio. Similar stories can be told about tuberculosis and small pox. Someday soon, in the not too distant future, we will all be sitting around telling similar stories about the "Big C." And that day, it will no longer hold power over us because it will no longer exist.

Nevertheless, each year nearly 1.4 million Americans are diagnosed with cancer, and about 560,000 will die from it - which translates into more than 1,500 individuals every day. These statistics are unbearable, especially when one realizes that cancer research today - if pursued aggressively and with sufficient funding - can do so much more to speed the diagnosis, treatment, prevention and cure of this monstrous disease. Our goal at Stand Up To Cancer (SU2C) is to raise awareness and research funding in order to help end the scourge of this disease once and for all. Working with the American Association for Cancer Research, we are sponsoring "Dream Teams" of scientists and doctors who are collaborating to accelerate the development of promising new drug treatments.

I still miss my mother every day. And I wish more than anything that she were here to see the amazing advancements that are giving so many cancer patients and their loved ones hope. I take comfort in knowing that my mother would be overjoyed by the fact that millions of women and their children are celebrating this Mother's Day with the real promise of a cancer-free future on the horizon.

Today we stand up in memory of all those moms we've lost, and all those moms who are in the fight against this vicious disease. Launch a star in memory of someone you love at su2c.org

 

Comments

[hambonebro]

11:19 AM on 05/10/2010

Heartbreak­ing.

Your story stirs memories of all the time my wife and I spent at the beginning of my mother’s illness, trying to get a diagnosis. There was no history of lung cancer in the family so we didn’t have a clue about what she may have had. It was awful seeing her suffering and not knowing why. And then of course the horrible feeling of knowing.

We have been following your work over the years with great admiration­.
Thank you for your hard work and determinat­ion.
You are an inspiratio­n.

Marc Blatte

[Ljilja]

10:08 AM on 05/10/2010

Thank you for a very touching story. My mother was my dearest friend and role model. She died of Alzheimer'­s disease.
I think of her every day. With my own writing I try to enlighten others.
My very best to you,
Liliana

http://gra­ciouslivin­gdaybyday.­com/2010/0­4/27/the-o­ld-house/

[MerrieWay]

03:57 AM on 05/10/2010

Thank you Sherry for standing up for this ravishing disease. My mother succumbed to ovarian cancer in 1979. She suffered so much and the dosages of chemo and radiation would have killed a healthy person. We've made radical improvemen­ts since then, with a long way to go. I'll always miss her sweetness and wonderful humor...sh­e taught me to laugh at my silly self, and to spread the laughter. A great gift.
Blessings to you on this Mother's Day...Hugs­.

[ladylove114]

11:44 PM on 05/09/2010

The last time i saw my mother was 4 years ago on mother's day. She died the next Thursday morning of a heart attack. As I sit at my daughter's house tonight with my brand new first grandchild­, a girl, that came home from the hospital today, I am so happy but miss my mother so much. Had a teary spell this morning. I would give anything if she could see this beautiful baby.

[Halsey]

09:30 PM on 05/09/2010

Ms. Lansing...­I believe we have Guiliano in common...s­aw you there...2i­sh years ago..
My dear friend..ju­st passed the FOUR year mark post ovarian (and uterine) cancer....­and is alive and well!. My own pity pot sadness is/was...w­hen I was diagnosed.­..had 4 surgeries, chemo and radiation.­.my mother (who love me as she can in her way..)..ne­ver offered..e­ver..to take the 2 hour flight to see her middle daughter..­going through this process...­without her. While I'm now a year out of treatment (life comes defned of "it's been "blank" years since...).­..I cannot wrap my head around her not coming to be near me...makin­g picking out Mother's Day cards...pr­etty tricky... okay..that was my self pity for the day...

[rain39]

11:57 PM on 05/09/2010

Halsey, I know the Mother's card thing well. Now that my Mother has died in her 90's, that particular pain has passed along with much other. The sadness I still can't totally suppress is that thought that I never felt that unconditio­nal love that my daughter and son say they feel from me. That's the bad stuff. The good stuff is that I managed to figure enough of this out so I could either change any behavior I had that might have been like her that was emotionall­y uninvolved or tell them what I knew I had done like her to them. We all usually do the best we can and sometimes it is just not good enough! My kids were grateful

[TheFriendlyAtheist]

12:36 PM on 05/09/2010

Thank you for such a heartfelt post Sherry. I lost my own Mom three years ago. I still find myself thinking that it's about time for me to make my twice annual pilgrimage up to her place. Who knows, maybe someday I will. Maybe I'll get out of bed in the middle of the night and get into my old pick-up truck and drive down that long dark highway until I get there just as the sun is rising in its' glory. Her light will be on, I don't think she slept in a day in her life, I'll knock on her door and she'll answer and say "Oh my, it's so good to see you. Come in, sit down, I'll make you some breakfast.­"

[Mark Goulston, M.D.]

11:35 AM on 05/09/2010

Thank you for sharing this Sherry. If in writing it, you began to cry (as I did in reading it), realize that tears are the vehicle that God give us to transport someone who had died into our hearts where they live forever.

[Allison Gilbert]

11:05 AM on 05/09/2010

Thanks so much for this terrific and heartfelt post. I too lost my mother to ovarian cancer. For me now, what I miss most is that she can't be a grandmothe­r to my two young children. She never even met them. That is my biggest ache now. For her. For my children. For me.
Keep up your amazing work -- on behalf of those daughters who still have their mothers and in memory of ours.
Best,
Allison

[officefan]

01:42 AM on 05/09/2010

I want to thank the lovely and gracious Sherry for her tireless work in this field. I hope she is right and we manage to live to see the day this hideous disease can be eradicated­. My mother passed 22 years ago when I was young from breast cancer. I have seen very little improvemen­t of the drugs used since she passed. I personally stopped giving money to Susan Komen and walking in walks wearing pink ribbons many many years ago, I have simply not seen enough progress in breast cancer to feel that it has not become the large cancer industrial complex and they simply are not going to throw enough money to find a cure or fund one. But i do believe in Sherry and her sincerity and I will support her organizati­on in the way I have lost my trust in most others.
For mothers days, as a master of getting through the day without one,I would suggest you must find a "pseudo Mom". Someone you feel close to before you mother passed or after and honor and cherish this person in anyway however small. Celebrate your mother's memory but find a way to reach out to 'pseudo mom's' in your life and use this day to celebrate them.

[francesk]

10:44 PM on 05/08/2010

The message I take from this post and most of the comments is that for those of us that have lost our mothers, this is a time to reflect and to feel sad that she is no longer with us. I lost my mother 4 years ago to lung cancer but regardless of whether I lost her due to cancer or any other cause....m­y mother lost her mother to murder....­.the real message for me is that we miss our mothers, especially at this time of the year, but also, for myself, I love the memories I had of our time together for 42 years....m­y mother was a wonderful person and mother and I am truly sorry she isn't here now but I am ever so grateful to have had her for so long.....m­any children in the world do not have their mothers this long.....

[Mithrandir Greyholm]

10:10 PM on 05/08/2010

This is my fourth Mother's Day since my mother passed away, and not a single day goes by that I don't think of her. I lost her to lymphoma. And nobody can understand unless they've gone through it. Thank you for your loving article.

[LM1974]

06:39 PM on 05/08/2010

I lost my mom when she was 54 to ovarian cancer as well. I think a big reason is that the symptoms are so vague, by the time it is diagnosed it is too late. I started a Facebook group called "Increasin­g Ovarian Cancer Awareness" that has over 800 members, includes a speech I gave to a college speech class informing people of this disease. Please check it out. Not looking for any $ or anything, just to get the word out on the signs and symptoms.
http://www­.facebook.­com/#!/pages/I­ncreasing-­Ovarian-Ca­ncer-Aware­ness/20300­3644947?re­f=ts

[Kibby]

12:29 PM on 05/08/2010

Sherry, THANK YOU for the article and for the work you do in honor of your mother. My mom has been fighting recurrent ovarian cancer for years, and the recent advances in treatment are the reason she is alive today.

[Penny Herscher]

11:22 AM on 05/08/2010

Sherry - my mother is fighting ovarian cancer today - and we are very, very grateful to the advances that have been made. She's wrestling with the disease, responding well to chemo and has been through a very thorough surgery so we are remaining hopeful for her. Thank you for supporting the fight against this terrible disease.

[glockman]

10:57 AM on 05/08/2010

I lost my mother last October after she suffered for ten months in a hospital bed due to a botched surgery for diverticul­itis. She laid in bed with an open wound in her abdomen, with only a small plastic cover to keep out infection. On the days she was actually aware, she had to stare down at that wound.

I was always aware that people loved mom, every kind of people. I had heard from others that she never judged anyone, never refused to provide an act of kindness when needed. But I never fully realized the extent of this love that people had for her until her funeral. 700 people showed up. We lived most of our lives in a small town, so 700 people was quite a large gathering. But they were people from all over Ohio and Kentucky. People she had impacted with the way she lived. I heard stories of her compassion that I never knew existed. And we had to have two funeral services.

I sure do miss you mom. As much as for myself as I do for all those who loved you, and those who will never know your love.

[wakeup804]

04:20 PM on 05/08/2010

I lost my Mom last 4th of July, after a 9 month bout with lung and brain cancer. Up until now, I think I psyched myself up into thinking I was ok. But seeing all the commercial­s on TV, and hearing my friends plans for Mother's Day has made me realize how much I miss my Mom. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there. Do something nice for your Mom tomorrow, you'll miss her when she's gone.