In divorce, it's commonly assumed that the soon-to-be ex-husband will get the short end of the stick in the divorce settlement -- whether it's losing the house or full child custody while also getting stuck with alimony and child support payments.
But men have just as much of a right to win in a divorce settlement as women do. So what men need to remember is that their behavior and actions during divorce are incredibly important. You don't want your actions to shift the favorability in the court to your spouse.
Here are the top five things men should not do when going through a divorce.
1. Do Not Move Out of Your House: Chances are you are getting divorced because you cannot stand living under the same roof as your wife. However, until a court says otherwise, the house you are living in still belongs to you so you are still allowed to live there. You will continue to contribute to the household expenses while the divorce proceedings play out. If you move out, you will have to support two households -- the one you are living in and the one you moved out of. Living together may not be an ideal situation, but it is the most cost-effective.
2. Do Not Hide Any of Your Assets: The last thing you want to do is lose your credibility in court. Some men panic and move money out of their bank accounts and into untraceable places such as overseas or in coffee cans. Once the money is discovered, you will no longer be trusted in any asset discussion in court. You should reveal everything that belongs to you so that you are viewed as honest in the court's eyes and will not lose your case due to an impulsive act of stupidity.
3. Do Not Tell Your Wife How You Really Feel About Her : Your soon-to-be ex wife may taunt you to say something that can be perceived as threatening. This "threat" could result in a restraining order and get you kicked out of your house. Do not take the bait; turn a blind eye to everything negative she may say to you. If you need to blow off steam, vent to your friends. They don't have a court case pending against you.
4. Do Not Misbehave Online: Anything on social media is fair game in a divorce case. This includes tweets, status updates, photos, etc. Set your privacy settings so that only you can see potentially incriminating information and do not post anything that could come back to haunt you in court.
5. Do Not Flaunt Your New Life : Getting involved in another relationship after you are divorced is healthy and expected. However, the key here is to wait until your divorce is final. A new girlfriend in your children's lives could negatively impact you in a divorce case. Your new life may be portrayed as unstable when it comes to child custody. Gifts that you may give a new love that are visible, such as jewelry, can easily amp up an alimony payment to your ex. For your wallet's sake, deal with the divorce, then move on.
Silvana D. Raso heads the family law practice at Englewood Cliffs, NJ-based Schepisi & McLaughlin, P.A. where she counsels clients in all areas of matrimonial and family law.
Very good advice. NEVER move out. Carry a voice activated recording device, doesn't matter if she knows you have it or not. Will save your butt if she decides to initiate the TRO Cascade.
I have never understood posts where I see the wife "kicked" a guy out of the house and, even more perplexing, the guy actually left.
1, Move out
2. Cut her off.
3. ASAP.
Marriage these days is nothing more than a way for women to reap where they didn't sow......and the court and the political system go along. The reason they go along is because politicians get their campaign money from corporations and corporations get their money by counting on women's natural tendency to be extravagant, as men generally are very frugal. So this is their way of putting the money in the hands of those who would spend it, so to say. Men need to realize this and cover their you know what before they get into relationships.
Also, how about asking women to keep the receipts and invoices of their expenditures that come from child support? Why shouldn't the guy paying the money know where his money is going?
Take a really hard look at your reality. In most cases, you can see it coming if you are realistic enough with yourself. You don't have to be mean, although you may wish to even up that way, but in the long run, the less of your self you throw into the conflict, the better off you are at the end.
Whoever races to the Family Courthouse first, files for temporary sole custody, and for good measure even a bogus restraining order, has just put himself a leg up in the case, and has positioned himself at 3 to 1 better chance of winning it.
I did not know this at all when it happened to me; just one week earlier if I had filed instead of my ex, I would not be in the sorry state I am in now as to custody of my child, and crushing child support that would not happen if I had the custody I so very want of my kid.
A warning to any dad out there - if you even think you are on the precipice of questions of custody of your child, file NOW!!
The person who files for divorce has a big advantage, just like the player serving in tennis.
And women file first 75% of the time.
1. Don't get married
2. If you feel you must, then there are only four valid reasons to enter the contract, you only need one;
a> you both want kids
b> she has more money than you and she's willing to share
c> you're nuts. it doesn't matter what you do with your life
d> she's agreed to push your wheelchair
3. Go on a few vacations....see if you can stand each other. Finally, look at her mother. Sooner or later you will wake up next to her.
4. You don't need a lawyer to get divorced. Put together the 'marriage assets' and offer 51% to the soon to be ex. Do this in the presence of the judge/magistrate only. The opposing lawyer has no grounds to object. Anyone who raises any issues against your offer will not be taken seriously because they are standing on soft ground at that point. This may take up to 4 meetings total and will be far cheaper than a range war run by lawyers....and you'll feel like you won.
You had me at rule number 1.
I'd like to add to rule number 3. Vacations have too much going on. Plan something that allows you to spend a massive amount of time together with minimal distractions. Particularly watch her Anger. Never make any life decisions with a woman without seeing her attitude when the chips are down.
That piece of advice has saved more men than I can think of. After you see that anger don't try to fix her, figure her out, understand or become her therapists. Simply get out of there....FAST.
And under no circumstances should you EVER marry a feminists, unless you'd like to spend the rest of your life paying for what some men of the past may or may not have done to women. Or unless you think its cute for her to abandon you and take your kids in order to go and "find herself."
Society has programmed men into believing that after you slave for years to society you should be rewarded with a loyal wife.
Certain men out there who ONLY sleep with married women because it's so easy. They can tell from the moment they enter the room that a wife will cheat.
You ever wonder how it's ONLY feminists telling men that if you don't marry us you're going to die soon (which isn't as accurate as they state)?
Or why only feminists get on TV and saying, "men are happier in marriage?" The only men that say this gibberish are called newlyweds.Â
Why is it that feminists said they don't need men because of alternate forms of having children yet they never exploit these avenues? Adoption and insemination are primarily used by lesbians and couples with medical conditions.
Realize how feminists are always the ones telling men to "man up" and marry.
Newsflash: That's easy to say when MEN are the ones getting damaged!
A study came out revealing that the emotional pain experience by a percentage of men after divorce NEVER EVER goes away.
Feminists think men are a joke. They have absolutely no respect for you guys, using stawman tactics to justify their obnoxious and promiscuous behaviors.
You men must really love Motel 6 life. At least the next man gets to sleep in your bed with your kids calling him daddy.
Yes, it's that bad...
2. Don't switch lawyers. I know, I know, her lawyer is kicking your lawyer's butt. Be careful. You may have to provide some information about your business even if you carfully explain she doesn't need anything more. The new lawyer will repeat the old work, tell you what you want to hear and run up a big bill.
3. Get over it. I am sure it's very hard, but don't spend the next decade losing your money on lawyers, and then filing some crazy stuff pro se. And sorry, you're nice, we feel bad, but no one wants to hear about what a bi...your ex-wife is. Talk calmly about some of your frustrations, we can help a little.
I did quit claim the house over to her plus had my wishes for her to have it spelled out clearly in the final decree. Turns out that all a quit claim is good for is taking your name off of the tax documents. Until Wells Fargo let's me go (which they won't as I have a stable job) I am at the whim of her and the new husband as to whether or not they want to make the house payments. Saddest part is that my ex-inlaws are millionaires so why SHOULD she care. Good luck getting back on your feet.
They attack when you provide SAFTEY! That is why they always keep pushing men to the next phase.
Are we a couple yet?
I think we should move in together.
Let's get joint (insert stupid idea)!
We're not getting any younger! All my friends are already engaged/married!
As night follows day the assault will begin the moment you make them feel SAFE.