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Volcker Rule Would Cause Irreparable Damage to the Muppets -- and Much More Broadly

Posted: 04/ 1/2012 1:00 pm

A major new research report -- released this weekend by the renowned international consulting firm, IMS -- finds conclusively that implementation of the proposed Volcker Rule would damage not just the irreplaceable Muppets but also "all children-oriented television or other media-based educational program content."

The logic in the report is straightforward and, quite frankly, compelling. The Volcker Rule -- which aims to limit proprietary trading and excessive risk-taking by the country's largest banks -- would reduce the ability of "too big to fail" institutions to bet heavily on the price of commodities used to produce puppets (mostly cotton, but also apparently wood, aluminum, and some rare earths).

"In response to the changing demands of their customers, banks have expanded their role of providing financial resources and services to include risk management and intermediation services to [various kinds of puppets](p. ES2)

These services are highly profitable and of great value to the skilled artisans who produce puppets, but if the very biggest banks are not allowed to engage in these activities, then no one else will.

This, of course, is elementary economics -- dating back as far as Adam Smith. If there is a profit-making opportunity to be had, then everyone will spurn it, unless they work for a massive international bank.

The history of the United States is replete with examples of business sectors that would never have come into existence were it not for the proprietary trading of banks that were large enough to damage the economy when they failed.

Thomas Edison worked long and hard for J.P. Morgan (the man) before being allowed into the speculative trading side of the business. Henry Ford's entire model was a spin-off from Bankers' Trust -- with a substantial equity investment from his former employer. And the Wright Brothers' business concept -- as well as their most basic notions of aeronautics -- derived from their early work with paper airplanes on the trading floor of what became First National City Bank of New York (i.e., Citigroup today).

Put simply, there has never been real entrepreneurship in the U.S. financial markets or economy -- other than what these banks have put there, directly or indirectly. The fact these banks were very small relative to the economy until the 1980s is irrelevant.

And the fact that these banks now draw on huge government implicit subsidies -- while also creating an enormous and dangerous tax payer liability -- is neither here nor there. Malfeasance by these banks has brought us to the brink of fiscal disaster. In political terms, we are manipulated by bankers just as if they are pulling our strings.

But you have to consider the benefits, as well as the costs. Do you enjoy watching the Muppets or not?

If the Volcker Rule is implemented as planned, that would have a major negative effect on the bond yields -- the spread over the "risk-free" interest rate -- paid by the Muppets and other leading providers of children's entertainment. No one else will ever trade these bonds to any significant degree -- just as no one would have produced cars or planes without the dominance of big banks in those sectors. Even the electricity you are using to read this piece was made possible by the market dominance and overbearing presence of deeply entrepreneurial and ethical entities such as Enron.

The Muppets themselves have come out strongly in favor of the financial sector as currently structured.

As Lloyd Blankfein, head of Goldman Sachs, reportedly said recently:

"It's not the dealers and it's not the investment bankers and providers that have to grapple with regulation. It's users and [puppets of all kinds] in the market that have to deal with different margin requirements...have to deal with unfortunately and inevitably higher cost in managing their portfolios...and have to pay the price for the higher cost of holding inventories."

The IMS report was paid for by Morgan Stanley (see p. 3), further evidence of smart entrepreneurial investments by big banks that support the deeper development of the economy and help create puppets everywhere.

Simon Johnson is the co-author of White House Burning: The Founding Fathers, Our National Debt, and Why It Matters To You, available from April 3rd. This post is cross-posted from The Baseline Scenario.

 
 
 

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lightnessandjoy
Is micro-bio a new disease?
09:05 PM on 04/08/2012
But the fools will keep voting for the muppets and puppets who ensure the financial con men continue to rob us blind.
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Colonel Sherburn
WSDE’s = Economic Democracy
09:02 PM on 04/08/2012
good and timely satire
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Hoosierbrad
I know it when I see it.
06:09 PM on 04/08/2012
The problem is that the people to whom he is preaching does not understand satire. They probably believe every word of the article.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
LeftRight
TANSTAAFL
08:40 PM on 04/08/2012
Sadly....
12:25 AM on 04/03/2012
I got it after the first paragraph, but I could have gotten it sooner if I had just looked at the date.
07:24 PM on 04/02/2012
great article.....Lloyd "Black Swan" Blankfein makes John Gotti look like a Boy Scout....
foresure
Brash and Harsh
01:37 PM on 04/02/2012
Prof. Jojhnson:

You have written the next Supreme Court opinion on the subject.
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unfoxworthy
We:ScottOlsens,the misfits,out to change the world
10:49 AM on 04/02/2012
Thanks Simon. As usual ...shining the light on the c-roaches.
And ya gotta love Blankfink...he loves being transparently devious.
He speaks to the ignorant among us (only).
And yet...he persists.
Another testament to how far America must move to traverse the stupidity gap.
CLAWBACK - it's the only way to quiet criminals like Mr Blankfien.
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08:15 AM on 04/02/2012
You forgot to end the article with "April Fool!".
12:06 PM on 04/02/2012
To be fair it is included in the tag cloud.
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12:35 PM on 04/02/2012
It took me several paragraphs to realize this was complete (and quite awesome) satire. Blush ...
06:23 AM on 04/02/2012
No bank has been brought down by their trading activities.

Now, investment banks like Lehman, Bear Stearns and Merril Lynch went bust, but no universal banks like JP Morgan Chase or Wells Fargo.
12:23 PM on 04/02/2012
Of course not. All of the big banks were propped up by the federal government.

And no bank employee went to jail.
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Romeover
Civilization is for weaklings.
05:50 AM on 04/02/2012
I'm afraid that few readers will see the satire here.
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12:36 PM on 04/02/2012
Don't sell HuffPosters short. (Eeek, no pun intended!) I've had many graduate-level debates/arguments with my peers here.
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Romeover
Civilization is for weaklings.
04:56 PM on 04/02/2012
What I am referring to is the large number of posters who don't pick up on the dateline.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
tempered1
12:45 AM on 04/02/2012
So,,,, let me get this straight - if it wasn't for the 'too big to fail' banks that BACK entrepreneurship then entrepreneurship and market stability would suffer??? Is that right???

Well, I understand the logic, but,,,,,,,,,,, !!!!!!!!!!

That fact of the matter is - the 'too big to fail banks' have inserted themselves into every facet of entrepreneurship for one purpose and one purpose only - PROFIT! They could care less about entrepreneurs, entrepreneurship, materials, commodities, minerals, oil, gas, food, or anything else! All they care about is profit - regardless of cost, damage inflicted, or lives destroyed!

If that weren't the case then 'WHY' the financial disaster?? Why the mortgage disaster, the home equity disaster, the unemployment/jobs disaster, the health care cost disaster, the education price disaster, the energy price disaster, the inflationary price increase disaster, the personal destruction disaster, and so much more!!!! ALL brought on by the banks reckless, callous, relentless behavior and actions! Their '''logic'''' has cost every person on this planet dearly - to the point of destroying lives AND economies!

So,,, I find it real difficult to believe that without these middleman institutions (the banks) that entrepreneursship and market stability would suffer! I find it hard to believe!

It worked before - under Glass-Steagall, so why wouldn't it/couldn't it work again!

Point being - break up the banks, re-instate Glass-Steagall, and let the banks earn their profits - not just steal it!
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
2pence
ignorance should not be contagious
07:28 AM on 04/02/2012
The author was writing a satirical vein, not literal. Read carefully, the snark is loud and clear. Your comments are the direction the article's writer wanted you to take.
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tempered1
11:38 AM on 04/02/2012
I know - that's why I wrote what I did - to get peoples attention to the truth.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
OleProfessor
"Ours is not a system based upon trust"
12:03 AM on 04/02/2012
We needed to Nationalize and Reform these TBTF banks...

We had the perfect opportunity to do so, and failed and were betrayed..
06:24 AM on 04/02/2012
If the investment banks had taken the right steps after deregulation, they would've become universal banks and we wouldn't have this problem
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
OleProfessor
"Ours is not a system based upon trust"
01:50 PM on 04/02/2012
We can't trust them to police themselves that's for sure..
11:49 PM on 04/01/2012
April Fools?
04:13 AM on 04/02/2012
ya think?
11:32 PM on 04/01/2012
The observation you make may sound right, but you forgot to mention that the demand was first. It would have been met any way because the US government was driving it. Typical supply side obtuuifacation of history!
Viper
Former repub, still repenting
02:52 AM on 04/02/2012
He is being cynical... its a joke with truth... In 1980 banks were 5% of our economy, now 40%... Industry was 40% now just 5%.. and upside down economy with mere middlemen taking a 40% cut, w/o any real product.. no country or business can survives a 40% middleman cut. and we are NOT!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
oldwolf49
Religion is a tool of the evil.
11:12 PM on 04/01/2012
That the Muppets are considered fodder for such a commodity and should play such an important role in speculation trading is frankly a scarey thought to me, and an even scarier one is that I didn't realize that they were in the first place.