Including Ourselves: A Lesson From an Elevator-Ride

It's not uncommon for kids to ask their parents about "that thing" on my head.

In most instances, the parents look at me uncomfortably, embarrassed that I might be offended in some way. I'll usually acknowledge their discomfort with an awkward smile before looking away and pretending not to notice as they try to discretely shush their kids.

But recently I had the most amazing experience. I walked into the elevator of my apartment building in Manhattan and -- despite knowing New York etiquette -- I couldn't help but smile at the two little girls standing with their young mother. The girls were wearing matching, polka-dotted raincoats, and they were fully focused on not dropping their popsicles.

The older of the two girls must have sensed me enter the elevator, because she slowly shifted her neck to look up at me and gawked for a few seconds. She then turned to her mom and unabashedly shouted: "Hey Mom! What's that thing on his head?!"

The young mother made eye contact with me and quickly checked to see if I was planning to respond. I flashed my standard awkward smile, and she returned an awkward smile of her own before totally catching me by surprise.

"That's a turban."

"Why does he wear it?"

"It's part of his religion. Do you remember the boy in your class who wore a turban?"

"Yeah, he doesn't cut his hair. He has really long hair. "

I was shocked. I wanted to give everyone in the elevator a high-five, but remembering I was in New York, I tried to play it cool. I put on my Denzel Washington face (the coolest person I could think of on the spot), and as I walked out of the elevator, I turned to the mother and whispered a soft "thank you."

I'm sure she has no idea how much of an impact that random interaction had on me.

I realized that the young mother and I had entirely different attitudes that bore entirely different results. Whereas I was busy trying to be a cool New Yorker, the mother was concerned with more important things -- she had a child to raise and didn't want to let a learning opportunity pass.

That kind of commitment only comes out of love -- she cared deeply about daughter and was willing to nurture her growth with patience and care.

And this sparked a question in my mind. If I care about the world and expect it to progress, why am I not seizing every opportunity to help nurture it?

It seems natural that, just like raising children, a more purposeful and loving approach could help cultivate a more progressive society.

I'm so lucky that an everyday elevator ride with a young mother and her school-age daughters sparked these new thoughts.

It was a conversation I usually avoid by standing in the elevator and intensely staring at my phone so I don't seem like that guy who makes small talk with strangers.

In fact, it was a conversation that didn't even include me.

But I guess that's kind of the point: Sometimes we just have to figure out how to include ourselves.

 

Follow Simran Jeet Singh on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@SimranColumbia

Comments

[ssaeed]

10:13 AM on 07/09/2012

Loved reading this article! What a touching story. I also know what you mean about including ourselves. Some people are not just unaware about certain religious garb, but they're also feel awkward when it comes to explaining something that they might now, because they're worried about offending people. It's awesome that this mother felt comfortable and CONFIDENT enough to speak up. :) I hope this little interaction will help the little girls be more comfortable approaching their Sikh peers in school.

[aznurse]

09:06 PM on 07/07/2012

NICE!

[butair]

01:22 PM on 07/07/2012

Thank you for a positive article...

Asif, Tampa.

[DFW-JB]

10:17 AM on 07/06/2012

Thanks for sharing such a gentle experience. We are all just children who are learning, aren't we?

[see-ellen2001]

04:53 PM on 07/05/2012

Many years ago I became friends with a convert to Islam. She wore hijab over her blonde hair and around her blue eyes. She also made the transition while at the same place of work. She would get some very rude comments which generally didn't faze her and she seemed to have a repertoire of witty responses. One man getting off the the elevator at her work snarled "so where are YOU from?" She smiled and said "Human Resources. What about you?".

[Secondbecky]

10:50 AM on 07/05/2012

To the author - do you often come across situations in which the mother just simply says nothing or does not explain what a turban is? I can't imagine that.

[Simran Jeet Singh]

03:00 PM on 07/06/2012

Thanks for your question. In my experiences, most parents don't actually know about the turban. It's nothing malicious or hateful when they don't explain it to their children. Instead, it's a simple lack of awareness.

I also find that there's a sense of discomfort in talking about religion publicly in modern America. It's become such a polarizing issue that people don't want to say something wrong because they don't want to offend anyone.

In my opinion, it's all well-intentioned. However, true strengthening requires a lot more thoughtful and constructive communication. That's why I love when people ask me questions. It's so much better than when people assume or ignore!

[Secondbecky]

03:11 PM on 07/06/2012

Interesting.  I'm here in NY as well and it just doesn't occur to me that people aren't exposed to the diversity as we are.
 
I find it sad that we don't discuss religion in public more often.  I also  find it sad that most of the comments in the religious section of HuffPo are along the lines of "you are dumb because you believe in God." 

[victowrites]

01:01 AM on 07/10/2012

Hi, thanks for the article, its just so touching. I would really like to know: Say that in the same situation, I would tell my boy "not sure, love, why don't you ask the gentleman about it?" I to tend to do this, but I am always scared to actually offend the person in question. Children are naturally curious, and they feel very proud when they get an answer (and they usually do not forget it... whereas whatever I say does not linger in their head more than a minute)

Also, not sure if this is a good suggestion, but when I see children that are just too polite to ask about somethind that really interest them, I make it easier for them (I was carring a sword the other day) "Do you like it? its a sword! I use it for sports!" , but I do not live in NY, so not sure what the social code is. :D