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Sinéad O'Connor

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Love Letters to Bob Dylan

Posted: 09/01/11 12:38 PM ET

Dear Bob,

Three questions:

1. Please can I sing "Licence to Kill" with you and Mark Knopfler when you play together in Dublin in October? Infidels is my favorite album ever and I'm quite a good singer. Even if I do say so myself.

Being selfish and a demanding diva, I was hoping you and Mark would play and I would sing... wearing a miniscule army camouflage teeny-keeny... (not really... all of this would be strictly kosher).

2. Can I be your harmonica? I am asking this, because I really want to be your harmonica. But I promise to behave, unless you don't. And if I can't be good...

3. In the event my dying wish (see question #2) can't come true, can you perhaps introduce me to any un-attached Zimmerman men from 44-years-old on?

You have set an unreachable standard in me... for what a man really is.

I am assuming, of course, that you would never be interested in one so 'insane' as to write you a love letter, and am also assuming you must be well covered with women...

I promise I'm slightly prettier than in the ABC News split screen of before and after... I was having a bad hair day.

Hugh Hefner has now offered me a million dollars to do the cover of Playboy -- every girl's dream. This is because I am monumentally gorgeous. Contrary to popular belief based on zero recent 'sightings.'

I will implore the equally 'lurve-starved' ladies of influence at ABC News to sneakily switch photos so u can see me in my actual sexual gloriousness. So worry not. I'm well fit, sir.

Anyway... Please let me sing with you and Mark because that album was, is and always will be the full roots of my heart. Kisses from Jesus all over it.

Yeah and Mark's pretty delicious too... but not as much as you, obviously. But if you don't fancy a quick one, would you ever ask ol' Mark what he reckons? In the dark I think he could pretend I'm gorgeous... if I put a few bags on my head...

My preference, if you are unattainable, would be to meet your middle-aged male relatives please.

Please do respond because as L'oreal says, Bob, I'm worth it.