“If there is any abuse or violence, then divorce IS definitely the way to go.
If the parents can act like adults and move ahead with their lives without litigating for the next decade, then divorce CAN be the best option.
If there is no abuse or violence, and at least one parent decides to litigate, then divorce is the Hell That Never Ends.”
sanjagtl on Oct 27, 2013 at 12:10:06
“My divorce took 1 year to do. Of course my ex claimed I wanted to stay married but yet I filed more paper work 5 days after having a baby. In WA the divorce can't be final until after baby is born. But it also didn't help that it took HIM 6 months to sign the papers....go figure.”
“12. Custody litigation is "infinitely reviewable." That means the case is NEVER closed when there is still a child for the court to assert final authority over.
13. It is not possible to prevent the children from being hurt. You can work to mitigate the damage, you can ignore it or deny it, but they WILL be damaged. The question is, how much?
14. If you're a single parent as a result of divorce, unless your ex deserted or abused you, that's by your choice. You could have chosen to be separate or divorced co-parents instead. You cannot both litigate and cooperate; you can only choose one of those two paths.”
“Let me guess: litigation? One of them decided to make a court case out of it, and they're still there because the court never closes a custody case while there's still a child?”
ChaCubed on Aug 20, 2013 at 18:04:02
“No, we were the exception to the rule on that. I handled the finances and increased the child support as our income increased, so she only brought him to court twice: once when he began his doctorate studies ... odd timing, which resulted in a court-ordered payment reduction; and once a few months after he graduated ... also bad timing; and swore under oath that he hadn't paid child support in ten years.
In response, his lawyer placed stack after stack of ten years of weekly child support checks, and additional checks to her, checks to the kids, insurance, doctors, schools, summer camps, lessons, sports, travel, vacations, etc., in front of her on the witness stand. Case closed. :-))
Of course, they always fought about money, but the real problem was, they really didn't like each other, they fought about everything, every phone call ended with both of them screaming into the phone before hanging up, and neither had a good word to say about the other.”
“Yes, I have been through an ugly divorce.
Yes, people (even mothers!) going through an ugly divorce definitely DO lie to make the opposing party look bad.
Yes, I have been desperate before, without work or savings and ineligible for unemployment. I never stole, nor would my circumstances have justified stealing.
Do I expect her to go to the local church begging? Yes, before stealing and trying to blame her husband.
Yes, I would rather see the children returned to the one parent whom we have no reason to think is a thief or about to spend time in jail. (Why do you call him a "deadbeat"? Is it simply that you hate men, or do you have actual information about him that does NOT come from a thief caught red-handed? We don't even know if she told the truth when she claimed she was going through a divorce. That might be news to her husband, if she actually has a husband.)
So, turn their children over to foster care? Nope, they should be fine with their one remaining honest parent.”
“So a thief gets caught stealing, blames her (conveniently not present) husband in an underhanded way (even though he wasn't involved with the theft in any way, it's almost impossible to defend himself against this attempted blame shift), and with no other information, you think it's more likely that this anonymous man is evil than that this thief is lying?
If she has the kids most of the time, then they need to go back to their dad and get away from the thief. Sure, he should support them. He should even take them to visit their mother in jail.”
gloriaswanson43 on Aug 13, 2013 at 16:53:21
“Annnd...you still don't get it. I take it you've never seen an ugly divorce up close. Lucky you. You ever been desperate? Me, either. What did you expect, her to go to the local church begging? Her to prostitue herself? Beg the gub'mint for help...that won't come in time and the money probably isn't going to be enough anyway? Have you even been to KMart lately? "Just throw 'er in the clink and hand the brats over to the deadbeat dad" clapclap...good job, defending. Don't bother replying. It's obvious that you would rather see this supposed "blame-shifting" jezebel on her knees receiving lashes, kids taken from her and her on the streets. BTW, no one condones stealing. But I'd rather she steal the damn diapers and cream than to have to turn her own kids over to foster care...just because she's getting a divorce.”
“I am *A* father. To the best of my knowledge and belief, my ex has not yet been arrested for stealing. She is certainly dishonest, though, and unable to ever take responsibility for her own actions. Plus, my divorce is finalized.
So as far as I know, I'm not the father in the article. ”
souix55 on Aug 8, 2013 at 13:21:43
“"So as far as I know, I'm not the father in the article." This says it all. ”
“A more accurate headline would've been, "Divorcing Shoplifter Blames Husband, Cops Sympathize."”
Fathers4Justice on Aug 9, 2013 at 02:12:19
Thanks for stepping up and telling it like it is.
It is that "White Knight" syndrome, most men don't even realize they are playing the role until they reach for their wallet later and discover it missing!”
“There's NOTHING in the article that says the father couldn't be bothered to take care of his own children. We only have hearsay, a cop who is arresting a shoplifter reports secondhand the allegation, "she said she was going through kind of a rough divorce and her husband wasn't really helping out."
It DOES make me happy that they notified CPS. That's exactly what they SHOULD do.
Even if her statement is true - that the father "wasn't really helping out" - that is ambiguous. Does he provide food, shelter, clothing for his own children? Should he "help out" the ex? If it is "kind of rough" on her, is it also difficult for him? What is "really" helping out, anyway - does she mean he refuses to take his own children to and from school, or does it just mean that he refers her demands for money to the court to sort out?
Bottom line: she's the one breaking the law, and when caught, she tries to blame someone else. He should take care of his own children, and there's no basis to think he won't - we only know that in the middle of a difficult divorce, he won't help HER.
It actually sounds like a pretty easy case, no judge would award custody to someone in jail.”
gloriaswanson43 on Aug 9, 2013 at 08:58:01
“She has the kids. The father isn't helping her with the kids. His kids. Got it? He might be withholding money out of spite. He could very easily pick up diapers, formula, clothing, etc. or come pick up the kids and take them shopping. If she has the kids most of the time, he needs to provide support...for the kids. If he had the kids most of the time, the same rules would apply to her.”
“Yes, I thought at first that she was just foolish, not some hardened criminal.
But then she blamed it on her husband, or tried to, and I lost all sympathy for her. So maybe she's really a manipulative sociopath who refuses to ever take responsibility for the consequences of her own actions. Let him raise his own children honestly, instead of making them rely on a thief.”
gloriaswanson43 on Aug 7, 2013 at 08:34:47
“From an article linked above: "The officers also notified Child Protective Services and gave the woman multiple phone numbers to places she could call or go to for help. " Does this make you happy?
Hand the precious kids over to the father who can't even bother to pay for diaper rash cream and diapers for the 2 year old...right. Do you have any other smart ideas or are you done now...”
Tasin on Aug 7, 2013 at 07:12:00
“You have never met desperation. Do you on minimum wage to 13 dollars an hour paying every bill on your own and still not making ends meet?”
“You cannot simply compare a poor relationship with a discontinued relationship that way; you have to start with the existing bad relationship, and then compare divorced life vs. staying married. Divorced life might mean everyone suddenly gets along together, or it might mean exponentially escalating the conflict through endless litigation.
Is a household without apparent love (but also without violence) really worse than constant bitter litigation?
Before you answer that, make sure you've actually been through a decade of constant bitter litigation so that you are qualified to answer.”
“It is more essential to avoid attorneys entirely. Hiring an attorney only escalates the war mentality. Attorneys don't pay their mortgages by telling prospective clients to just grit their teeth and get along instead of retaining them.”
Timmy Stack on Aug 7, 2013 at 12:46:34
“oh so true. the only thing lawyers are out for is their bottm line.”
“A small difference, but more than could be expected from random chance or margin of error. I'd also like to see the numbers of who initiated the divorces. For example, does having a firstborn son mean women, men, or both are less likely to file for divorce?”
“You cannot be friends with someone who cannot be trusted. Don't resort to violence, but don't pretend either. Always follow the court order to the letter and drag them in front of the judge when they do not.”