To reiterate what I've said in other posts: vegetarian guests are your friends and family, NOT DOGS. The occasion isn't about eating meat, it's about planning a joyful occasion for your family and friends, regardless of their diet.”
“Every "problem" you just described in your post is the ROLE of the host and the ROLE of a wedding planner (whether they happen to also be the host or not). If they can't fulfill their very simple role of _accomodating guests_ (that's literally the definition of a host, by the way http://www.thefreedictionary.com/host) they should limit the size of the wedding so as to be able to accommodate all of their guests, at a minimum.”
justnicagain on Aug 14, 2013 at 05:26:45
“Yes, because you know the hosts aren't allowed having human emotions on the day that's meant to celebrate them. I never once requested anything special when I was a vegetarian. It was a personal choice, not a need. Allergies is one thing, choosing to be a vegetarian or vegan is another. Completely. This is why I'm not having wedding guests. I'm taking only those witnesses necessary to make it official. Otherwise everyone will wear me down with their special needs and wants and desires and opinions on how it should be done. I don't roll that way.”
“"If you make a special meal request, you will be perceived as being difficult/fussy/fastidious, etc."
If the hosts are inconsiderate and spiteful to the point that their guests should feel like they are a burden on the occasion, then I wouldn't consider them hosts at all but more like parasites.
Etiquette Avenue is a two-way street.”
CarlosDangerJr on Aug 13, 2013 at 10:07:51
“Good grief, way to blow things up out of proportion! I'm just saying that hosts have enough to deal with just by getting the occasion sorted out; having one guest with dietary considerations can be an added annoyance. I don't think it's good guest etiquette to make demands in advance when the host has already made specific plans regarding meals. It's selfish. If you attend a function and there's something for you to eat, then bravo. But if there's nothing to eat, at least you had a backup plan. And at least someone was thoughtful enough to include you at their function.
You sound like a terrible guest.”
justnicagain on Aug 13, 2013 at 02:53:31
“I get where he is coming from though. It's not that they want to be inconsiderate or spiteful but, if you're not a vegan, tell me how you would know what is okay for a vegan to eat? It's not easy to know and it's not the easiest diet to accommodate. That, coupled with the stress of a wedding altogether could be enough to make it a difficult time. Plus like it's been said, it's their wedding, not yours. If there is one vegan at a wedding full of omnivores, well, I guess it's not too hard to guess why it might be on the low priority list. Rather than stocking up and catering to one guest out of a hundred.”
“"She will just need to alert the waiter when she arrives!" Terrible, rude advice. Xochitl Gonzalez may be a great wedding planner, but is no etiquette expert.
"Good Etiquette" is treating ALL friends and family with respect and care, regardless of their dietary or religious choices in life, and not like the family dog. That is: providing options to the broad range of common diets.
"Good Etiquette" is being a chef or wedding planner who lives in the 21st century with the rest of us who is able and ready to put together a five-star vegetarian meal at the drop of a hat.
Waiting to alert the waiter or chef at the last moment of your diet is not only RUDE (i.e. BAD, POOR etiquette THROUGH and THROUGH) but ineffective and will yield a plate of tasteless, flavorless food (if not a bit meat-flavored in the haste).
I may not be an etiquette expert, but I'm an intelligent human being and also a vegetarian. The correct answer is (as host, planner, or caterer): offer a vegetarian or customized meal option (i.e. get with it and do your job). As guest? Call ahead to the host, planner, AND caterer to let them know who you are and what you eat.
Clear, timely, and polite communication is the best way of communicating a request in a clear, timely, and polite way ... Waiting until the last moment to realize your dietary needs? Something a child would do.”