“yes, you are soooo right... and that is why many people do-- move an hour away. And if you do choose to remain in the city but were not born with the silver spoon or got yourself a big settlement from an ex, it takes a great deal of energy to keep up with this spencey city. so you're working 80 hours a week and not enjoying your life..My solution is--love what you do and it's not work..
Thanks for your comments!”
Victoria Ordin on Dec 12, 2013 at 13:51:27
“I just saw this :)
Well, the thing is: if you have a walk-up and no doorman and can live with 500 feet, you CAN be very happy here. Did you see the NYT piece re the cost of living in the city. IF you can hack rent , everything else is cheaper (as a girl) including nails, dry cleaning, waxing (if applicable), food (Hale and Hearty, Europa, Lenny's etc)
Honestly, I have reasons I stay in CA but if I could choose to make this a 6 mos UES and 6 mos So Cal split, I'd do it .
Of course you can go broke in restaurants and bars. But if you exploit happy hour and prix fixe specials and drink wine BEFORE you go out so you only have iced tea, you can do it.
“THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME THIS. A HOMELESS SMELLY MAN IN WOMEN'S CLOTHES TRUMPS ANYTHNG I HAD TO PUT UP WITH IN THIS SITUATION! I COUNT MYSELF FORTUNATE...ALL I LOST WAS TIME...AND YES, A BIT MORE OF MY INNATE OPTOMISM...BUT SO BE IT...I WAS NOT TAKEN FOR MONEY NOR DID HE WANT TO CRASH ON MY COUCH...JUST CRASH INTO ME ON MY BED, APPARENTLY, THEN MOVE ON...FORTUNATELY MY GUT INSTINCTS WERE ON HIGH ALERT.
“thank you for your comments. I have to say, having been told by one man--on the third date--that he had "a touch of herpes." I am glad I didnt sleep with him, and I am glad for you that you never contracted a disease. Sex on the first date, with multiple partners, may seem like simply having a good time, but I assure you it can be dangerous. Aside from that, when most women become intimate with someone they feel a bond, which makes the pain of things not progressing that much more painful. But we can respectfully agree to disagree. I am happy for you that you are in a loving (and safe) relationship.
“THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS! I discovered he had a wife when we checked his phone number in reverse, found out the real name of who that number belonged to, visited his company website, and saw the wife he works with. An easy process, which I recommend whenever a person's gut (I say this to men as well) tells you something is not right!
Honored you are following me but there's nothing to follow...I don't tweet. I am on linked in. But do visit my website, ghostbooksters.com. I have ghostwritten 32 books so far, publish and promote them. Love my work!! and I am so happy you found your happily ever after. Right now my work, my amazing friends, great family and two adorable chi's are my happily ever after. But I am dating, so...stay tuned for more.
Incidentally, to answer your question, I didnt confront him but I found him on Linkedin and sent a simple message (to his real name)...let's connect on LinkedIn...so he knew the jig was up!
“are you also a writer, "cyber quill" oops ciberquill?”
ciberquill on Sep 6, 2013 at 11:04:54
“Judy..I am .. but taking it seriously now at this point in life...getting a blog started...have a few books in my head...and children's books...as well...can do my own illustrating as a fledging artiste :) .. time for a new second...or it a third career?!!! .. having children is one in and of itself !!!”
“Have to say, I enjoyed your comment. Yes, people do sometimes show their quirks later rather than sooner. However, when we look back, there were always tell-tale signs we chose to ignore. I of course don't know the specifics, but you may have been tolerating a touch of OCD, or he may have been stewing about other little things and then used this example to explode...subconsciously throwing a monkey wrench into the relationship.
When I describe events, I leave out shadings, and in this particular blog I have been pilloried for it, but I do it to protect identities, protect feelings, and also because of limited space. I am sure your exmaple, this story, also has shadings. But thank you for sharing it.
ciberquill on Sep 6, 2013 at 06:24:37
“Hello Judy... yes, of course, as you say, shadings .. and luckily for me, it was a long distance growth experience :) ... so one has time to properly slot details .. and, as an aside, he thought it was no big deal .. and was heartbroken for..l imagine, 2 nights...3 tops....life awaits!!! ..”
“I am quite shocked to hear you say this. I have had men meet me and never call or write again, My friends tell me story after story of rejections by men, all kinds...some immediate, some after long periods of dating. Rare fish, no...I am sorry to say you are mistaken. I stand by my statement because it is based on solid evidence. Men do as much of the rejecting as women do. If you still don't agree I'd love to hear more from you...and from anyone else who'd care to weigh in. In fact, this might make an interesting blog topic.
Thanks for your comment in any case.
jf12 on Jul 16, 2013 at 09:15:51
“Most men have never rejected anything, because they were never offered anything, at all, ever. A man failing to pursue a woman is NOT equivalent to a woman positively rejecting a pursuing man.”
“i so agree with you. I had a date recently where the man told me he was 76. I swear to you he had to be 100, or maybe 96...he shaved 20 years off his real age , hoping I would not notice. What would you call that? Is there a state beyond delusion yet not sheer insanity? Everyone does some of this, takes a few pounds off, but not 100 lbs...it's a matter of degree. Makes me sad that people feel they need to do this.
“actually guys this is absolutely true story...I ONLY tell true stories. In this case I didn't have to change anything..something I will change a profession or something not particularly important but just so noone can identify the actually person on match or another onlien dating site.
I wish it was made up, but no, again, it happened to someone I know.”
“you write well, debbianne ,so kudos...especially love how you sued the word MANifesting. As for your comment overall...I respectfully disagree..meeting people serendipitiously most often leads you to married folks, to inappropriate folks, and much more time wasting connections...match and other online dating sites can be timewasters too of course but also offer phenomenal opportunities to sort through all that. Of course you have to know how to "work it.". Being a writer is also helpful, to be honest.
Please keep commenting, and thanks!!!
PitchingTheWoo on Jun 13, 2013 at 13:00:23
“Thanks for the compliment Judy! There's no need to agree, and in fact, I don't write to convince you or anyone else of anything. I do write when and where I'm inspired--and this is an example of living from intuition. We don't always know why we're guided to do or say certain things, but in this case, a reader of this thread contacted me to let me know that the comments really resonated with her in a meaningful way, so apparently that was the reason. We're all cooperative components to each other here... ain't life grand!?”
“I appreciate your concern, star baby. I have heard that from several people, including my own adult daughter. However, I will keep meeting people for the "interview date" in my apartment. for one, I have my office staff here so i am not alone. For another, the men I meet are 65 to 75 or so, and I don't think there has ever been a septigenarian or octogenarian serial killer. I have NEVER had a problem and this way I have control of the situation. I agree though that it may not feel comfortable or work for everyone. I would not like my daughter to do this..but again, I think my situation stands on its own.”
“I am seriously happy for you. But let's get real...the Universe helps those that help themselves. We do meet the people we are meant to meet...if we take the initiative and put ourselves in the right position to be FOUND.”
“dear buddy boy...i can only speak for myself,...I am not offended by disparate ages in couples. However, when a man of say 75 to 80 is advertising for a woman of 30 to 40, and he is not a well known billionaire, I think there's a spot of delusion int he mix. Do you not agree? My daughter, who is in her 30s, is not looking for someone's grandfather.
CO buddyboy on Jun 13, 2013 at 14:09:10
“Well, that's a little more difference in age than I was referring to, but people have widely diverse reasons for "dating" each other. Some younger women seem to appreciate a man who is financially stable and who knows what he wants, while some older men and women find that people their age just don't have the sex drive of a younger person. By the way, "...looking for someone's grandfather" includes men as young as 40 something.”
“Many others clearly do agree and I am one. I still have my libido; however, those intimate connections with another human being (of the opposite sex) clearly do make life that much richer! Thanks for pointing that out because it is an important reminder....one commentor said that when the sex is gone, just stop looking...you and I don't agree...though of course we hope that sex is still part of the delicious recipe in any future relationship.”
“You are preaching to the choir! Amen to your sensitive and sensible sentiments, cribbisque! and I am thrilled you added your voice to mine..please do keep reading my blog and please do keep chiming in..I love comments!
“Thank you so much for your favorable comments! I especially love the comparison to Carrie Bradshaw. And I hope you are right that I WILL find my Mr. right...me and hopefully all those looking for their last love online!
“Ann what an unusual solution to the "bridge" period (if it turns out to be that). Question ... are you seeking a gay man you can treat? You say he has to be financial secure, so he has to pay his own way at restaurants, trips you go on together, etc.? Or, are you thinking he would treat you? I am curious as to how you would recruit such a person...are you in a large social circle that also embraces gay men? wouldn't you be better off finding a woman friends or a few such interesting, financially secure women friends who want to keep you company, travel, etc....what's your further thoughts?
Ann Starke on Jun 17, 2013 at 01:10:38
“I am surprised that this is such a novel idea to you. Friends are friends. I am open to men or women friends. It makes it less stressful if sex is not part of the equation at this point in time. I live in the Bay Area where the potential for such a relationship is high. Horray.”
“Okay RileyRides, here's the full story..this individual said, in essence: "I like to take a month off to travel abroad. I spend $10,000 to $15,000 on the trip. If a woman wants to travel with me she has to pay her half because I can't afford $20,000 to $30,000!".. So, this man invites me (on the first date!) to take a month off to travel with him; then in the next breath he tells me what I would need to spend to be his companion. And btw, he also "confessed" to being impotent. Yes, you are right...the horror of it all.
Things are not always as they seem when you have a limited word count (smile).