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hp blogger Lisa Arends's Comments

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23 Full-Sized Struggles Every Short Woman Wants You To Know About

23 Full-Sized Struggles Every Short Woman Wants You To Know About

Commented Jun 1, 2014 at 05:32:14 in Women

“Even worse than the gas pedal? The clutch! I get cramps from having to point my toes.”
How To Let Go, Forgive And Feel Better

How To Let Go, Forgive And Feel Better

Commented May 29, 2014 at 06:33:51 in Healthy Living

“Finding a way to have empathy for my ex was a key turning point in releasing the anger and finding peace. Since he abandoned me, I had to fill in the missing pieces and I chose ones that allowed me to see him as scared and fallible, much like a child. Accurate? It doesn't matter. The ends more than justify the means. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
50 Lessons From 50 First Dates After Divorce

50 Lessons From 50 First Dates After Divorce

Commented May 28, 2014 at 06:10:13 in Divorce

“Make sure you nurture your other social connections even once you start dating. Trying to get all of your social needs net through dating is a recipe for disaster! http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
Are You A Procrastinator Or A Pre-crastinator?

Are You A Procrastinator Or A Pre-crastinator?

Commented May 23, 2014 at 05:31:47 in Healthy Living

“I am so happy to know I'm not the only one like this! I find it difficult to relax while there are still items on the list, so I aim to accomplish them ASAP. I was the odd kid who always completed my homework on Friday afternoon. And now I'm the same as an adult. The strange part is that I feel the same pressure as a procrastinator facing the final deadline, but the pressure comes from within. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

Candace Writes on Aug 16, 2014 at 20:52:33

“I completely agree Lisa. I am a precrastinator through-and-through and I still feel that same pressure to get things done. For example, I was two months ahead on one of my Masters assignments and I was stressed out about it because I was coming close to my internal deadline!”
The No. 1 Myth About Yoga (And How Learning The Truth Can Change Your Life)

The No. 1 Myth About Yoga (And How Learning The Truth Can Change Your Life)

Commented May 19, 2014 at 19:52:24 in Healthy Living

“Yoga taught me how to breathe through pain, both mental and physical, rather than try to hide from it and pretend it didn't exist. Yoga taught me to replace "I can't" with "I can't right now." Yoga taught me to honor the connection between my mind and body; when one was unbalanced, the other always followed. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
8 Reasons Divorced Sex Is So Much Better Than Married Sex

8 Reasons Divorced Sex Is So Much Better Than Married Sex

Commented May 19, 2014 at 18:57:30 in Divorce

“I think I'm in the minority on this one. The sex in my marriage was good. And some of the experiences after divorce...eh, not so good. Luckily, after a couple missteps, I found even better. Regardless of your situation, sex is an important part of a relationship. It's okay to want it and seek it. And write or talk about it! http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

EinChicago on May 23, 2014 at 13:39:49

“I think you are in the majority. There is always someone who falls into the "OMG! I am TEH sexay divorcee ker-azy girl!!!!!" immediately after divorce and tryies to justify it in her mind as being empowering, authentic, or some such other crap. But they tend to be the sad exception.”

Hugo Rabson on May 20, 2014 at 19:29:02

“Thank you.

Your post and the article, together, remind me of an old joke about a synagogue and whether we should stand or sit at a particular moment. Finally, the oldest member of the congregation was asked, "Which should we do? What's the traditional thing to do? We've been arguing for weeks..."

"Ah!" The old man waved his hand. "That's the tradition."”
12 Red Flags That Could Spell Doom For Your Relationship

12 Red Flags That Could Spell Doom For Your Relationship

Commented May 16, 2014 at 05:22:59 in Divorce

“It's also important to realize that red flags can appear at any time. At the beginning of the relationship with my ex, I was watchful for signs of trouble. Over time, I relaxed and was no longer as observant. If I had been on alert, I may have realized that he was no longer the same man I married despite appearances to the contrary. It's not healthy to always be on high alert in a relationship but it also doesn't behoove you to turn the alarms off. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

impreza7 on May 17, 2014 at 09:22:27

“Everyone evolves over time. Some relationships can evolve with individual changes, some can't. Also, men will send in their PR guy for years if that's what it takes to get a woman you really like. Once it's in the bag, the real personality shows up. It's a problem for sure.”

george martini on May 17, 2014 at 07:51:38

“Most people change every few years. Are you the same person you were five years ago? Do you still do the same things?”

jistinnkees on May 16, 2014 at 14:31:38

“good post as always F&F”
5 Signs Your Marriage May Be Headed For Divorce

5 Signs Your Marriage May Be Headed For Divorce

Commented May 5, 2014 at 17:10:26 in Divorce

“And sometimes there are no apparent signs. My ex went from "I love you. I miss you" (I was visiting family) to a text hours later, "I'm leaving you. I'm leaving the state." It's very difficult to come to terms with the end of a marriage when there were no signs that the end was near. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

Ingrid Litzko on May 12, 2014 at 04:17:37

“I've often wondered... have you ever forgotten what you've just copied and pasted, and instead of pasting your own link at the end of a comment, you've accidentally pasted the last URL you copied into an email to a friend?

I'm still waiting to see a comment from you with a link like http://thesexlivesofchinchillas.com.”
3 Relationship Red Flags That Should Send You Running

3 Relationship Red Flags That Should Send You Running

Commented May 1, 2014 at 05:22:59 in Divorce

“It's sad to me that you consider adaptability, courage and integrity to be "fussy." I see those as some of the key character traits for success in life for men and women.”

Michael Kittredge on May 1, 2014 at 12:52:08

“I don't find those qualities to be fussy. I find your focus on them to be pedantic and overly complicated. Everyone has them to some degree. When you try to define what someone else should be in narrow specific terms, you're going to take a lot of square pegs and jam them into round holes. Let people be what they are and see how you get along. Life can surprise you, opposites can attract. You're probably shutting out people who would be wonderful for you because they might seem to not measure up in one of the areas you describe.

There have been times my courage has failed, that I haven't adapted well, that I haven't exhibited the greatest integrity. You know what? That makes me human. A person could dismiss me for those fallible moments, or look to the greater whole of my existence. Or better yet, not try to measure me up against some arbitrary set of standards. A person could struggle in all those 3 areas you listed and still be great relationship material.

Dating and relationships are complicated enough without adding extra layers and extra hoops to jump through.”
3 Relationship Red Flags That Should Send You Running

3 Relationship Red Flags That Should Send You Running

Commented Apr 30, 2014 at 05:51:41 in Divorce

“The key traits I looked for the second time around were adaptability (life is change, can he change with it?), courage (does he let fear be his chauffeur or does he drive his own life) and integrity (do his stated goals and intentions match his actions). The absence of any of those was a red flag because it warned of someone whose approach may become extinct, who may hide rather than face or lie rather than accept. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

Michael Kittredge on Apr 30, 2014 at 22:19:32

“This is why fussy women wind up chronically alone.”

jistinnkees on Apr 30, 2014 at 06:47:12

“I tend to agree, but that counts for both sexes as well. If a person stands on his or her own two feet, and has many diverse friends and interests you generally have a fine person.

The problem develops when one partner starts setting the others social agenda.”
New Study Reveals Secret To Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity

New Study Reveals Secret To Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity

Commented Apr 23, 2014 at 05:33:50 in Divorce

“Infidelity naturally creates an environment of secrecy and deception. It makes sense that in order for the marriage to survive, the patten of lying and hiding has to be broken open and exposed. Cheaters are often adept at partitioning their lives into separate pieces; those dividing walls must come down for healing to occur. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
Here's How Your Marriage Can Survive And Thrive After Infidelity

Here's How Your Marriage Can Survive And Thrive After Infidelity

Commented Apr 21, 2014 at 05:39:11 in Divorce

“Ultimately, you can never control another's actions, only your responses. This means that when infidelity occurs, no one spouse can keep the marriage together. It must be a joint desire and a joint effort. Regardless of the state of the marriage, the individual healing needs to occur to be able to move on. A note on the betrayed's "role" in the cheating: there is a difference between taking responsibility for one's actions and taking the blame for another's. He cheated (bigamy, actually). That's on him. But it serves me well to understand what I can do differently moving forward to limit the chances of it happening again.http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
5 Tips For A Stress-Free Marathon

5 Tips For A Stress-Free Marathon

Commented Apr 18, 2014 at 06:06:29 in Healthy Living

“If you have a loved one that is running a marathon, this is one of the best ways to show your support. Write them several notes of inspiration. Fold them into small squares and write a mile number on the outside of each one (start line, 1, 3, 7, 12, 16, 21 and 25). Instruct him/her to open them at the indicated time. My husband did this for me and those notes were better fuel than my Gu. I still have them - sweat stains and all. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
How To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You

How To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You

Commented Apr 17, 2014 at 06:15:00 in Healthy Living

“The scariest thing is that the best liars go undetected. My ex husband was a brilliant man and he used that intelligence to con, committing bigamy and marital fraud. He went so far as to create false documents (like a car insurance card with my name removed) to keep everyone in the dark. He always knew the proper proportions of truth to weave into the fiction so as to not arouse suspicion. Scary. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
10 Things That Surprised Me Most About Divorce

10 Things That Surprised Me Most About Divorce

Commented Apr 14, 2014 at 21:08:40 in Divorce

“Yes. The one that surprised me the most was the leaden bullet of the of the courts. They could order more than they enforce, at least without more money from my empty pockets. I learned that "justice" had to come from within, from making the best of a bad situation. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
Why I Quit Facebook After My Split -- And I'd Urge You To Do The Same

Why I Quit Facebook After My Split -- And I'd Urge You To Do The Same

Commented Apr 13, 2014 at 07:01:12 in Divorce

“I actually joined FB after my ex left. My friends and family are scattered around the country and FB made me feel less isolated and reminded me of my larger community.Since I joined at that time, I had the ability to build my initial (and selective) friend group based upon my needs - positive, yet "real" people filled my screen with updates and pictures. I didn't share the dirty details of the divorce there, but I shared my small successes with people that would celebrate them with me. The virtual connections didn't replace the real ones; they supplemented them. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
7 Things I Got Completely Wrong About Being A 'Good Wife'

7 Things I Got Completely Wrong About Being A 'Good Wife'

Commented Apr 10, 2014 at 06:36:56 in Divorce

“I could not agree more. Part of the reason I was so angry at the end is that I felt like I had done all I could to be the "good wife," but it wasn't enough. Nor can it be. The mentality doesn't put the responsibility for your happiness on your own shoulders, where it belongs. I've had to learn to address issues head-on even if it means confrontation and how to not take the responsibility for my husband's happiness. I'm no longer a good wife, but I'm a better one. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

Ty2010 on Apr 10, 2014 at 22:37:04

“The external confrontations are the easier ones, internal boundaries, priorities, wants, expectations are where it gets messy. .”
Why More Things Don't Make Us Happier

Why More Things Don't Make Us Happier

Commented Apr 8, 2014 at 05:53:59 in Healthy Living

“One of the patterns that emerged in retrospect with my ex (before he abandoned the marriage via text) was an increased need for material goods. It seems as though he was on a snipe hunt for happiness. He was unhappy with who he was and, rather than addressing the core issues that were harming him, he looked to external things to try to fix his discontent (material items, alcohol and another woman). Most of us don't take it to the extreme he did, but pay attention to when you feel an increased desire to obtain new things. It's often a sign that something is off in your life. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
'My Husband Went Out For A Coke And Never Came Back'

'My Husband Went Out For A Coke And Never Came Back'

Commented Apr 7, 2014 at 05:28:15 in Divorce

“"Rational thinking isn't so easily applied when you're dealing with the irrational." This was the one that took the me the longest to realize. In my own tsunami divorce (delivered via text), I struggled to find answers. I was used to thinking and analyzing my way through problems. I finally had to let go of the need to understand why because there is no answer that will satisfy. Peace is found in acceptance. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

hp blogger Cathy Meyer on Apr 7, 2014 at 15:20:36

“Lisa, much like you I longed for an answer. I was a fixer, if I had answers I had something to work on fixing. I also thought that understanding why would lessen the pain I was experiencing. Truly opening myself up to the idea that there aren't always answers or understanding was probably one of the most profound lessons I've ever learned. "Peace found in acceptance"...it can be applied to all aspects of life.

www.divorcedmoms.com
The Very Worst Types Of Guys You'll Meet Online

The Very Worst Types Of Guys You'll Meet Online

Commented Apr 6, 2014 at 09:23:36 in Divorce

“Online dating is great for letting the rational mind participate up front in the decision of finding a partner. Best of luck to you!”
The Very Worst Types Of Guys You'll Meet Online

The Very Worst Types Of Guys You'll Meet Online

Commented Apr 5, 2014 at 07:31:14 in Divorce

“I met a few who wanted to be my knight in shining armor. They wanted to swoop in and "rescue" me from the financial and emotional impact of my divorce. It sounds tempting on the surface, but the flip side is that a relationship founded on the damsel in distress mentality will never have partners on equal footing. No thanks. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

dil123 on Apr 6, 2014 at 08:52:24

“My problem is I keep going for men with "potential," meaning that they are poor, cute and usually illiterate or have dubious citizenship status (I think Latin-Americans are really cute). Unfortunately poor, undocumented and illiterate doesn't pay the bills and makes for very dysfunctional relationships, and I usually end up the one holding the bag when boyfriends get deported, end up in jail and just leave for women who can relate better than I can. On line dating has been a God send for me, because it helps me screen out the immigrants, non-english speakers, men I have nothing in common with, and non-intelligent men. I'm one who needs a knight in shining armor for a change so he can bring out the best in me or at least someone who is my equal, so he can see MY potential.”

dancinggrandma on Apr 5, 2014 at 17:13:07

“I've done the same thing with men. I'm a therapist who, sadly, has only been attracted to depressed men (or is it that I spot depression others might not and then find a role in which I'm familiar???)”
8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 08:27:07 in Weddings

“Oh yeah. Sixteen years and then a text. Never talked to him again. Check out my blog. You'll (unfortunately) relate. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com

twinkleysnot on Apr 1, 2014 at 08:43:48

“I never thought it worth it to talk to him after that - just emails to sort out the divorce. I will check out your blog now!”
8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 06:10:32 in Weddings

“Well said and so true. I would have confidently checked off every single one of those boxes. And then he abandoned the marriage via text and committed bigamy. In hindsight, those checked boxes were an illusion he carefully crafted. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 06:08:20 in Weddings

“You got a text too? Wow.”

twinkleysnot on Apr 1, 2014 at 07:47:28

“Yup. 11 years was not worth picking up a phone. This happened to you?”
Training For A Marathon Doesn't Just Make You Awesome -- It's Good For Your Heart

Training For A Marathon Doesn't Just Make You Awesome -- It's Good For Your Heart

Commented Mar 31, 2014 at 05:32:52 in Healthy Living

“Exercise is great. Excessive exercise (as it relates to the individual)? Not so much. I trained for and ran a marathon a couple years ago. It was an amazing, empowering and emotional experience. Yet it was hard on my body - inflammation, higher body fat and more injuries. Once I went back to my preferred routine of weights, shorter runs (”
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