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hp blogger Vicki Larson's Comments

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8 Reasons Divorced Sex Is So Much Better Than Married Sex

8 Reasons Divorced Sex Is So Much Better Than Married Sex

Commented May 20, 2014 at 13:29:09 in Divorce

“Being unable to talk about sex, fantasies and sexual ruts with a partner will destroy any relationship, period. Of course sex outside of marriage is exciting — it's new. It's rare that people can sustain that excitement long-term. That's why we need to be talking about whether monogamy works. It doesn't for many. Join us as we Occupy Marriage: http://thenewidobook.com/
Three Pieces Of Marriage Advice You Should Actually Listen To

Three Pieces Of Marriage Advice You Should Actually Listen To

Commented May 19, 2014 at 03:53:43 in Weddings

“No, lust is lust but love? We don't all have the same definition and thus hoping to have a successful marriage built on it alone is tenuous. If love transcended all, we'd see a lot more happy marriages. Sadly, we do not. Time to change it.”
Three Pieces Of Marriage Advice You Should Actually Listen To

Three Pieces Of Marriage Advice You Should Actually Listen To

Commented May 18, 2014 at 14:48:40 in Weddings

“Love is an emotion that comes and goes (tough if you want to have kids). We have loved many people in our lives. Marrying for love is what has made the divorce rate so high and marriages so fragile (read Stephanie Coontz). Marry for the reasons you believe your marriage will be successful by your definition of success, and you will have the kind of love you want.”

Nessral on May 19, 2014 at 01:01:35

“just read your blog- the HUBRIS! People who are experts on divorce should give advise on divorce not marriage!”

Nessral on May 19, 2014 at 00:57:58

“Love is something you might not always notice- like your heart beat but I would not say it comes and goes- and its ,more effective to think of it as an action- showing love usually makes you feel it.”

FirLocke on May 18, 2014 at 15:35:29

“Respectfully, isn't what you're attributing to fleeting "love" really more along the lines of "lust"? Lust allows us to weave illusions about our partner from the moment we meet them, and when the reality hits that the individual they are isn't what we imagined they would be (and that could take years), the lust fades. Love on the other hand...love transcends and I believe is experienced by a lot fewer people than we'd like to admit.”
Three Pieces Of Marriage Advice You Should Actually Listen To

Three Pieces Of Marriage Advice You Should Actually Listen To

Commented May 18, 2014 at 14:10:21 in Weddings

“The truth is the marital advice most people offer and think is "right" is misguided. Rather than tell people that marriage is "hard" or requires "sacrifice," a better thing is to ask people, "What kind of marriage do you want?" What are you bringing to the marital table" Why do you want to get married?" Once people are clear are their objectives in marrying, then they will be much clearer on whom they should marry (ie, someone with the same goals) and the kind of marital contract they should enter into. That's what "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels." is about It's an Occupy Marriage movement; please join us: http://thenewidobook.com/

ComfortableeNumb on May 18, 2014 at 16:02:51

“When you get past those initial questions, you also have to make sure that people know that marriage is hard. Marriage does require sacrifice, without it a marriage will not succeed. And marriage does change things. But change is not a bad thing.
Having been married for 28 years nothing could have ever prepared me for what marriage really is. And if people aren't willing to work at it, sacrifice, and change, it won't last.”

ErinBTaylor on May 18, 2014 at 14:36:48

“I completely disagree with this cold, sterile new view of marriage Marry for Love. And before marriage, talk about your goals & such, try to make them line up, and compromise on them when needed.”
8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

Commented Mar 31, 2014 at 21:50:45 in Divorce

“I don't think anyone's whining but you bet it's hard to uncouple/divorce/split. being wealthy and in the public eye makes it worse but, hey, that's what you sign up for when you're a celebrity. When other people write about that, on this very site, it doesn't get the same vitriol But at least they are doing their best to split kindly for each other, themselves and their kids. I find that admirable. Maybe we should be hating on Putin instead; he has the power to hurt many, many people people than Chris and Gwen do.”
8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

Commented Mar 31, 2014 at 21:42:20 in Divorce

“Yes, because eye-for-eye is always a good policy to increase compassion and understanding in the world...”
8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

Commented Mar 31, 2014 at 21:41:38 in Divorce

“So, because she has a blog and announces it for the couple (because Chris doesn't have a blog to announce it), we have to diss her? It was a mutual decision, and aren't blogs for sharing personal stuff? And, it would indeed be harder to be a single mom (or dad), actress or not. The hatred and jealousy that permeates this culture is disturbing.”

Christine Kilgore on Mar 31, 2014 at 23:14:23

“Yes, blogs are for sharing personal stuff, and usually those people don't have publicists. People diss her because she seems to be so crazily out of touch with what an actress who might want to work again says out loud (yes, it can be a career breaker if the public can't stand you in your personal life sad to say, regardless of talent). My point is is that there are many rich, beautiful, fortunate actors and actresses in the world who don't get as much negative feedback. And as I am sure you know, Many go through divorces. I really don't care why they broke up or that they even broke up (I don't know them personally) but I can see that she has made it more difficult for herself verbalizing their intention to a "conscious uncoupling". She or they could embrace the ideals of this, and we all don't have to know about it for it to really matter to them - which is all that matters, right? I guess that is why she sounds SO pretentious. Maybe she should listen to her publicist.
We should never hear ANYTHING about how her single parenting is HARDER because she is an actress. Many single parents who can choose to NOT work- would. In fact she can just sell overpriced stuff from her blog. Enough already.”
8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

Commented Mar 31, 2014 at 21:38:00 in Divorce

“why? what did she ever do to you personally?”
8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

8 Ways Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce Will Be Superior To Yours

Commented Mar 30, 2014 at 02:11:25 in Divorce

“Isn't Chris Martin an equal partner in this divorce? Or are we just going to hate on the women?”

littlepuffycloud on Apr 1, 2014 at 08:55:29

“When Chris. Starts to pretend he's an expert on everything under the sun, then we'll 'hate' on him.”

duncansdad on Mar 31, 2014 at 20:25:52

“Who's hating on the "women"? We're hating on Gwyny.”

Critical Thnker on Mar 31, 2014 at 19:55:26

“Did Chris whine about the difficulties of 'conscious un-coupling' and the hardships of single parenthood with tens of millions in the bank, and teams of attendants on hand? Must've missed that.”

evgibs27 on Mar 31, 2014 at 19:04:36

“Well men get dumped on so much nowadays, it's nice to see a woman get a little vitriol every once in a while.”

alex98 on Mar 30, 2014 at 20:59:45

“Well it seems she might have cheated on him... Not mention she seem to be a insanely self absorbed and loathsome individual.”

Christine Kilgore on Mar 30, 2014 at 17:59:27

“Vicki, I couldn't care less if another celebrity couple "uncouples" much less who is to be be "hated" . The fact that she is beautiful, wealthy and likes nice things are also fairly unremarkable details in the world of celebs. I used to wonder why everyone hated on Goopy and now she has even pushed me over the edge. You know, you don't have to tell the world anything, much less label your divorce this way (when in reality it probably isn't going to go so well when the paps follow her around trying to catch her in a not so "conscious uncoupling" behavior- whatever that may be). And to show us all how out of touch she is, she verbalizes how much more difficult it is to be a actress single mom than for us mere mortals. Does she know most single moms don't have staff?! She begs people to hate her. I wish them all the best.”

Borgeseyes on Mar 30, 2014 at 08:08:46

“I would not extrapolate all women from Ms. Paltrow, an insulting synecdoche that even she appears loathe to accept in the specific case of working mothers.”
The 10 Worst Pieces of Advice From Susan Patton's 'Marry Smart'

The 10 Worst Pieces of Advice From Susan Patton's 'Marry Smart'

Commented Mar 12, 2014 at 09:15:13 in Women

“Claire, if you want to marry one day, the book you should be reading is "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Romantics, Realists and Rebels" (Seal Press, fall 2014)
http://thenewidobook.com/. Traditional marriage a la Ms. Patton's version no longer works for women (actually, it was horrible for women, what with coverture, etc.). We call it an Occupy Marriage movement. Please come join us!”
7 Terrible Reasons To Rush Into Marriage

7 Terrible Reasons To Rush Into Marriage

Commented Mar 12, 2014 at 09:03:56 in Divorce

“I agree. But why, then, are gays and lesbians fighting for the right to wed? It still matters (and the government offers 1,000 perks). So, let's reinvent marriage, which is what "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Romantics, Realists and Rebels" is all about (http://thenewidobook.com/). We call it an Occupy Marriage movement. Come join us!”
Survey Reveals What Divorced Couples Regret Most

Survey Reveals What Divorced Couples Regret Most

Commented Dec 17, 2013 at 23:27:49 in Divorce

“Sorry, any study funded by an organization with an agenda, like " a think tank that aims to reduce divorce rates," must be taken with a grain of salt if not discarded entirely.”

DemsDemsDems on Dec 18, 2013 at 17:14:40

“I totally agree... Staying in a hopeless, unhealthy, or even damaging married "just for the kids" is just WRONG!!! This group had a agenda...”
Survey Reveals What Divorced Couples Regret Most

Survey Reveals What Divorced Couples Regret Most

Commented Dec 17, 2013 at 23:27:21 in Divorce

“Sorry, any study funded by an organization with an agenda, like " a think tank that aims to reduce divorce rates," must be taken with a grain of salt if not discarded entirely. Do you think it would report results that differed from its goal?”
20 Things Only Married People Will Understand

20 Things Only Married People Will Understand

Commented Nov 19, 2013 at 03:03:21 in Weddings

“Honestly, there are many unmarried people who understand commitment, forgiveness, needing space and imperfection and a lot of other things on this silly list. Married people do not own that. Any parent (and yes, there are single parents folks) understands picking his/her battles.
As for No. 9, I actually think many married people do not put their spouse first (just from my observations and studies I've read and couples I've talked to).
So, is marriage better than being single or cohabiting? Yes and no and maybe. Fortunately, no one "has" to get married to have a happy, fulfilling and successful life, as in decades past. But please don't posit marriage as being some sort of path to enlightenment. Each of us has the power to enlighten ourselves without having to pledge "until death do us part."”
How My Divorce Made Me A Better Mom

How My Divorce Made Me A Better Mom

Commented Oct 22, 2013 at 09:26:09 in Divorce

“There is no right or wrong answer. Much depends on the situation.

Studies indicate spouses in bad marriages suffer health problems. Studies indicate children suffer if their parents have a high-conflict marriage. Many kids feel relieved when their abusive or alcoholic parents divorce. While I believe parents should do whatever they can to create a healthier, happier marriage while their kids are young, staying together for the kids doesn't help anyone.

But divorce per se won't make you a better (or worse) parent. What matters is how the parents coparent after divorce -- if they can minimize conflict and share joint custody, the kids will do OK.”
20 Things All Women Should Do Before Getting Married

20 Things All Women Should Do Before Getting Married

Commented Oct 2, 2013 at 22:11:42 in Weddings

“Only Nos. 5, 6,7, 18, 19 and 20 matter. Otherwise, it's someone else's idea (i.e. pressure) to be and do things that are not you. Money matters. Kids matter (as in whether you want them or not). Living alone and experiencing all its joys and "aloneless" matters. But the major thing that matters above all the others is knowing yourself — and being able to embrace, hopefully love, that self (or be willing to change what you don't like) and expressing that self to your partner. Only then can you be real, grounded,open, honest and most likely fulfilled.”

Kahill on Oct 3, 2013 at 15:38:38

“Agree with you completely. They matter not only for women, but also for men!”
'Sleepless In Austin' Man Will Pay Good Money For A Thin, White Girlfriend

'Sleepless In Austin' Man Will Pay Good Money For A Thin, White Girlfriend

Commented Sep 27, 2013 at 16:23:58 in Women

“Makes sense. Thanks for sharing!”
'Sleepless In Austin' Man Will Pay Good Money For A Thin, White Girlfriend

'Sleepless In Austin' Man Will Pay Good Money For A Thin, White Girlfriend

Commented Sep 27, 2013 at 02:03:25 in Women

“Thanks for this. I'm curious why black women are the "one demographic least likely to date or marry outside our race." Thoughts?”

khimtone on Sep 27, 2013 at 14:43:02

“I can't speak for all black women, just myself. I am sure if you did a poll or survey of black women, the answers would be vastly different, depending on the generation in which that black woman grew up. I myself, happen to be a baby boomer, born in the midst of the civil rights era, my parents lived throught it. So for me, choosing a mate, was a matter of shared experiences, someone familiar, someone I could trust, someone I could come home to after working (retired now) all day in a prison in a rural area, where blacks and women employees were barely tolerated and get that mess off my chest, without having to explain, why I feel that way. I also happen to like the confidence black men exude ( some like to refer to this as swag or flava). In my case I marvel at the beauty of black men, their look is unique, from the bald heads to long locs, the various beautiful hues, their strength. I could go on, but not enough space and as I stated, another black womans opinion would probably differ greatly from mine. :)”
Happy Marriages Make For Healthier People, Study Reveals

Happy Marriages Make For Healthier People, Study Reveals

Commented Sep 26, 2013 at 23:24:13 in Weddings

“That has been the problems with all these marriage=happy studies, because some studies indicate happy people tend to marry. OTOH, we all know that we are enriched by our close relationships, so there probably is a "there" there, you know?”
Three Common Mistakes Women Make In The Bedroom

Three Common Mistakes Women Make In The Bedroom

Commented Sep 26, 2013 at 10:11:49 in Divorce

“Actually the biggest mistake women (and men) make in bad is not telling their partner what feels good where. Of course, that means you have to take charge in understanding your own body and be able to communicate that openly and honestly. Many of us are not good at that.”

jf12 on Sep 26, 2013 at 21:46:09

“Women are GRRREAT at communicating openly, loudly, and often. I'm just being honest, myself.”
Wife Flirting With Other Men Is OK, Says Husband (VIDEO)

Wife Flirting With Other Men Is OK, Says Husband (VIDEO)

Commented Sep 15, 2013 at 21:11:15 in Weddings

“A couple in a healthy committed relationship should never have to ask for or give "permission." The couples defines what's OK, what's not OK in the relationship and they talk through whatever arises that makes one or the other uncomfortable. Permission = control, and there isn't any healthy relationship that has control as part of its dynamic. Not a one.”
23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing

23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing

Commented Sep 13, 2013 at 08:37:57 in Women

“A sociopath has no feelings for others. That's very, very different that worrying about how others perceive you and bowing to their judgment of you.

More on sociopaths here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201304/understanding-the-sociopath-cause-motivation-relationship
23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing

23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing

Commented Sep 12, 2013 at 01:43:37 in Women

“How about just being authentic? Doesn't matter if you're a woman or a man. Stop worrying about what other people think about you or what you "should" do. Granted, in my 20s, I was not able to hear that message; it took 40-some years for me to hear, understand and act on it so I get why we need to remind people to be themselves. Maybe we just need to live x-number of years to embrace our imperfections and focus on what really matters. Or maybe we need to raise our kids that way.”

mike j on Sep 13, 2013 at 03:22:32

“"Stop worrying about what other people think"

There's a word for people like that: sociopath.”
Parenting After Divorce: 15 Things Readers Say Their Kids Taught Them About Divorce

Parenting After Divorce: 15 Things Readers Say Their Kids Taught Them About Divorce

Commented Sep 5, 2013 at 23:09:11 in Divorce

“If she's suicidal (truly), then you will need to protect your child by making sure you have custody, have established paternity legally, etc. Even if it's "drama," you need to act with the belief that something may happen. You are not responsible if she chooses to act irrationally, however, you will certainly want some professional and perhaps legal help to protect your child first, and then you and her.
No matter who will be unhinged by this, you must do what you must do. If you are certain you're unable to make the relationship work, find a way to split lovingly and respectfully, and in a way that puts your child first. I wish you the best.”

Salem1 on Sep 5, 2013 at 23:15:59

“"You are not responsible if she chooses to act irrationally.." Not true. If she commits suicide and you are seen as even remotely helping her complete the act, you can be prosecuted for it.”
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