“she is a very strong woman. saw a clip of them in which he barked at her, it made me wince. saw her recently on jimmy fallon and she was adorable and having a great time. i honestly worried that she would have to answer to him for being carefree. no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. i think this door is closed permanently.”
“I agree, our Don Draper is a bully. That said, I see something different in these recent episodes. Don is significantly older than Megan and their May/September relationship is experiencing the natural consequence. Don is finally feeling pangs and connections but the timing is wrong. The sherbert scene mimics a dad trying to spend rare quality time with a sullen teen. They are in the same church but different pews?
On a personal note, I listen to the podcast on my iphone before bed. Last week, I drifted off to sleep momentarily and semi woke mid podcast....hearing men conversing, and being semi concious, i thought someone was in my house talking about Don! I was almost disappointed knowing it was a recording!”
“this just happened to me! i was at the phila. library recently. i was sitting at a table with two 'non white' men. we had some small talk throughout the hour that we were together. as i was cleaning my area up, ready to leave, i realized my bag was on the table. i left it while i put my books away. i wondered on the way home why this was an issue for me. part of the answer was i grew up with women who clung to their purses as though their very oxygen source was in their purses. my mother in law would visit my home years ago and immediately ask me where a 'safe' spot was for her purse. when her husband passed away, she was graveside clinging to her purse. i guess peggy's purse is also a new 'character'. her purse contained a small victory over roger, she was finally in a bargaining position, proof was in the bag.”
“Doris Day recently celebrated her 88th bday. As a tribute, TMC aired her movies all week. If you have nothing else to do, and you love Mad Men, watch "lover come back". It certainly is lighter fair but has a staggeringly entertaining parallel to 'MM'. Roger/Don are Rock/Tony Randall, skinny ties and hangovers included.
I don't know where this show is headed b/c each week, I am so absorbed by what has just happened. Love all the new characters. Love that even the Francis "home" is a character in itself.”
“I thought it was real also. Lot's of differing opinions among my friends on this.”
speekup on Apr 10, 2012 at 17:14:27
“The first visit was also a dream. It makes the 2nd visit have that nightmare sense of being unable to stop something and get rid of her--driving him to violence. I thought it was funny he was too wiped out even to (dream) of tucking her other foot under the bed.”
donovan7 on Apr 10, 2012 at 12:54:14
“I think that the fact he fell asleep first before Andrea knocked on the door tells us that this is the beginning of his fevered dream sequence. In reality, that's probably when Megan got home and noticed that Don was delirious from his troubled sleep. She mentions that to him, but what is really shocking is that she was apparently sleeping next to him when he strangled Andrea to death in his final nightmare.”
“Wondering how many of us would meet our attorney for a cup of tea after the divorce is settled. Recently saw my former attorney who initially told me, "you are a great person, you deserve better, you will be fine financially." The best of all?, "we will put manners of him". Love that line! So, 8 years later? He has yet to produce all financials. The dog repeatedly ate his homework.
In my experience, it's hard enough dissolving a long term marriage. Even harder is paying an attorney big money to tell you things like, "fill out your cost of living expenses". That list is just another thing for the piles of useless paper.
Saw former attorney in Starbucks recently. She hid behind her wall of hair and scurried out of the store. Don't rely on your attorney to do anything that you can't do yourself. Seems everyone finds this out to late.”
“About to meet fourth judge in 8 year divorce. Judge who predominated over our hearings did meet Mr. Gornbein's criteria for fairness but one. He was not decisive. .
As a seasoned vet of courtroom "b', I am baffled by the good that can come out of chamber conferences. Attorneys and judge disappear for 45 minutes to an hour. I never spoke with my attorney prior to hearings. I have mentioned before in previous posts, my attorney was experiencing mental health issues.
They emerge from chambers with agreements and decisions. Always admonishing my ex for being recalcitrant but, giving him an extension. Several times he was fined. Also, I was awarded attorneys fees, which he refuses to pay.
I was aware that the attorneys and judges are all co-workers. They need to play nice in the sandbox. As a struggling client, I am a visitor. Albeit an eight year visitor.
Trudging along pro se, I am praying for a resolution with newly elected judge.
Is it possible that the judge can enter a decision? We also have at least 10 appointments with the master, all ridiculous b/c spouse and attorney arrive empty handed. Ex has access and control to all marital assets. Am I crazy to think that this can't go on much longer? Can he truly walk away with all marital assets after a 25 year marriage?
lastly, even if the judge enters a decision, will ex observe the order?
I apologize if I strayed off topic!”
“is it my imagination or is the general consensus in these responses is most men think women are frivolous partners who at whim decide to divorce and ride off into the sunset? oh, with all of their money? do i also hear a hint of "you got what you asked for?"”
Zalkreb on Jan 12, 2012 at 13:26:50
“Why not visit Google Scholar, type "reasons for divorce" into the search box and spend five minutes reading a few of the many research studies on the topic?
If you do that, you may have some insight not only into what well-informed people think about this, but why they think it.
As far as "you go what you asked for," when women of their own free will instigate well over two out of three divorces, it's difficult to see why that attitude would not be called for. Unless, of course, you take the attitude that women are not responsible for their own actions. That's a fairly popular although not quite universal attitude, which seems to hold that whenever a woman makes a decision that has any negative consequences, it must be the fault of whatever male happens to be in the vicinity.”
“my first attorney made this very clear as well. valuable info. unfortunately my husband went to one of the partners home and begged him to not represent me. i was given my retainer back. my last conversation with the attorney was invaluable. she also told me that 'the fur was flying around the firm' at the partners decision to drop my case.
fast forward to next attorney who expressed concern through an email that i 'dropped out of sight' and was i still interested in pursuing the divorce. i bantered back and forth about nothing. my bill at the end of the month reflected the empty chatter. soon after, i was searching for another attorney.
“"he doesn't want a divorce but he asked for it a million different ways" carmella soprano.
i filed because i couldn't do it anymore. i was done waiting for him to participate in our marriage and family life. he had one foot in and the other one swinging around. statistics may show that women win the 'filing' portion of divorce wars, but methinks a broken marriage is a two way street.”
“yes contract, i am in pa. do you really believe they are that small minded? my take is they are bored to tears listening to peoples same old crap day in day out. since separating, i feel like a hotline for angry spouses. the more i hear, the more i realize all stories are not that different. everyone thinks they are without fault and most are looking for revenge.
i think we become just another file on a pile of papers.”
“as a client, i am a 'visitor'. albeit a 9 yr. visitor at this point. lawyers and judges are career coworkers. as i sat countless times, watching the clock tick or counting the ceiling tiles in court, the coworkers were bargaining in chambers. each and every time my atty. would come out and tell me 'we won this', 'judge is really mad at him'. each decision rendered a scalding and 60 days to produce documents. those 30 - 60 days have knitted into 8 plus years. i feel heartened b/c judge # 4 is hearing our next short list. she is newly appointed, fresh and ready to go.”
“my husband refuses to pay my legal fee's despite court orders. i "fired" her b/c i was caught in a quandry. the divorce wasn't and issue any longer, she wanted money. her practice was falling apart. she called me in an attempt to reconcile. conversation was very convincing and i was vulnerable. i agreed to meet with her and go back to the drawing board. the day of my appt., a major road was blocked off due to a very bad accident. i arrived late and was informed that my atty. couldn't wait for me any longer.
later that afternoon, i discovered that the accident was caused by my atty. dui.
so, i find myself pro se. i am not good at being in the shark tank. i do my best. usually drive home in tears. the good news mr. gornbein is that i can rely on articles such as yours to steady myself. i realize not every atty. is atticus finch but some are!
i am blessed in many ways. i believe 2012 is going to be peppered with progress. i thank you from the bottom of my heart for contributing great articles for my nourishment.
happy new year to you!”
715W on Jan 5, 2012 at 21:57:51
“It sometimes happens that divorce lawyers do not accurately report events in the case to their clients.
That happened to me with my divorce lawyer at times in my divorce case, as I realize now in retrospect.
He shaded the truth -- or worse -- in an ongoing effort to string me along and to keep the case active and himself billing.
In your case it may be that the court orders do not say what you think they say -- or have been told they say. (E.g., it may be that your divorce lawyer did not accurately report what the orders require.)
Divorce is straightforward. Study and prepare yourself.”
cherkobak on Jan 5, 2012 at 07:19:48
“Good luck, divorce stinks but you will be happier after it is done.”
“i believed all attorneys were like atticus finch. divorce has sadly burst that bubble.
our divorce is inching towards 9 years. my ex is hell bent on keeping all assets under his umbrella. so far, he has been successful. we have 5 adult children, custody has never been at issue.
i can't tell you why it has gone on this long. each short list hearing involved two attorneys and judge in chambers. each outcome was an extension for my husband to produce illusive tax records and documents..
in the early years, i was timid, trusting. i believed the courts would invoke justice. my husband contested the divorce and the judge's written decision deemed me credible , my ex, not credible.
husband lied repeatedly in court. didn't file personal or business taxes for 6 years. each time he was given a stern warning to comply. taxes were finally filed b/c he was unable to renew a real estate loan without them. the buildings were going into foreclosure.
midstream, my attorney suffered a devestating personal tragedy. she fell apart. she had multiple psych admissions b/c of suicide attempts. she came to court unprepared and in my opinion overly medicated. i was warned by everyone to fire her. i felt that i couldn't desert her, i thought she would pull it together. i didn't want to be responsible for pushing her over the edge.”
“it's hard. i have 5 also...their ages mirror your kids. life is so very different for this generation. not saying, 'when i was your age' is a daily battle, that so far i am winning. but, some days! thanks for sharing. the important thing is you are asking the right questions. and yes, you need to take care of you and figure out what's next...they're watching!”
“wondering if , as you look back on it, was divorcing the right thing to do? if you had your way, would you have opted to stay in a relationship that was a source of anger and humilition for you?”
TobiasMerriweather on Oct 8, 2011 at 00:57:40
“In all honesty (sorry for the delay in responding) K while I sat behind a monitor on a Friday evening with the Foo Fighters blaring through my earphones) I would and I will tell you why. There's a part of me that likes to think I could change things. That's the side that loves having his desires, feelings and thoughts crushed for the sake of another. Then there's the rational non-guinness drinking "dude" who knows that she's gone for good and he/I should put my arms behind my head and thank the heavens that she decided to take the long walk (through life) alone. I keep reminding myself of something John Lennon said way back then, "I still believe in love, peace. I still believe in positive thinking. While there's life, there's hope." Life'll go on and I will (I hope I wish) find someone who'll take my "stuff" and think that this guy is the one she has been waiting for! Of course there'll be snags, burps and the occas rolling in exasperation eyes but at least we'll be equals. Or maybe I should click my heals three times!!”
“that's me! spouse doesn't want a divorce. he was dishonest financially, emotionally and romantically. not the entire marriage but the last 10 years for sure. he maintains that he doesn't want a divorce but he asked for it just about everyway he could. on the street he looks heartbroken, behind closed doors he is a master manipulator and a controlling man. so, here i am 8 years separated and still trying to plunge through. all i want is to be able to take care of myself financially, emotionally and legally. in spite of it all, i wish him the best. our 5 children need this to come to a reasonable solution. question is...when is beyond an 'early divorce' settlement and more of an unhealthy obsession?”
“our divorce process has just celebrated 8 years! it's been so long, that i almost don't even dislike him any longer. i just need it to end. we have 5 children but no custody issues. he has an atty. and for lack of funds, i am pro se. while i did have representation, my lawyer lost her mind. she had issues with alcohol and as the months grew into years, her issues progressed into several hospitalizations. were i a talented writer, i am sure these last 8 years have the grist for a great movie script. i wholeheartedly agree with all of your advice and i only wish i had the availability of the wealth of articles that huffpo makes available 8 years ago. the legal system is so....inept that hearing the straight, no nonsense advice that your article provides is invaluable. thank you for being a truly decent attorney, who doesn't mind clearing the b.s. and shedding some clarity.”
“sheesh, if this wasn't a timely little article that you wrote for me! have spent a few days in a tail spin of life's changes. i am usually fairly sturdy, but between the decisions to be made, my youngest of 5 leaving for college, an 8 yr. never ending, ridiculous divorce on the table ...i hardly recognize myself! and i hate it. which tightens the spin! i feel somewhat steadied in your words....i get them...thanks for the clarity, thanks for thinking of me! now, i am gonna try to do the same.”
Eva Selhub on Aug 14, 2011 at 15:22:59
“Thank you for commenting! Wishing you grace and love in your journey!”
“alison, i am so grateful to you for shedding light on this issue. each word of your blog, most specifically, 'these people never stop fighting, even when they are destroying themselves in the process' fortifies my understanding of my divorce. i think it's safe to say that the profile fits my spouse like a glove. we have been separated for eight years and in the courts for 6. i no longer speak to him, i would rather bang my head into a wall! interestingly, he is not a 'bad' or 'monstrous' person. since leaving [thank god he left!] our home, he has become more involved with our 5 children. i no longer have an attorney due to worn down finances. i am hoping to reach some resolution in 2011 so i can move on. in the meantime, i am eternally appreciative for the dialogue that writers like yourself provide. i no longer speak or vent about this, i feel it just gives it life. being able to read about others sheds clarity where courts, judges and lawyers fall short. thank you.”
hp blogger Alison Patton on Mar 3, 2011 at 11:23:47
It's a tribute to your character and maturity level that you've been able to see him as someone with a personality disorder rather than a bad/monstrous person. That's very hard to do when you've been dragged down the legal path. I've been involved in cases with HCPs (as the attorney) and I can imagine what your experience has been. It sounds like you're moving on and letting go. You might find some inspiration from a prior post I made, about the process of forgiveness after divorce and how it can take years but is well worth the effort. The link is: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alison-patton/an-expert-weighs-in-forgi_b_823617.html. Good luck to you and your family.”