Eventually, we fall out of love with someone, whether they are the ones who shattered our hearts or whether the blame stains our hands. Eventually, the pain trickles away and the days don't begin with longing. Eventually, we find ourselves again.
But -- and yes there is a "but" -- we never fall out of love with love.
We find pleasure in being single and having no one to answer to. We enjoy the first dates, the impulsive trips and the innocent flirting behind a vodka tonic. We revel in having the whole bed to ourselves and having no one to question our decisions (because of course they can be poor sometimes). We get to know the person in our reflections versus changing for someone who may not see us for who we really are.
But we never fall out of love with love. We will always need it. We will always want it. We will live out the rest of our days grabbing for it wherever it may be. We'll have a constant urge for something more than just belonging, for something more than just completion. We'll grab for someone just as broken as us, whose pieces amid ours will be the world's most imperfect masterpiece.
We need that unexpected eruption of disillusioned perfection that brings peace and chaos into our world. We need to have our hearts lit on fire until we're illuminating cities with the light that love brings out of us.
We need love. We need to see heaven behind someone's eyes. We need to hear that one voice that soothes every wrecked piece of our souls. We need love, even if we don't need whom we thought it was with.
So we rejoice in singleness, in independence and in our desire to be free. But we are on a constant and indirect path to finding our destiny. It is what we crave deep within our veins and require in the tiniest crevices of our hearts. We blindly hope -- even if we don't admit it. One day, we won't miss a person, but we'll miss what we thought they were. We'll silently pray we'll see it, that something, in someone else.
- We miss getting our breath stuck in our throats because our lips touching theirs have convinced our minds that we are momentarily invincible.
We. Miss. Love.
We may not act like it, and we may sometimes forget about it. So we search blindly. Sometimes we fall, but it's only ever a necessary detour to finding the real, earth-shattering destiny that was ours the moment we were born. Eventually, we'll fall for the right beating heart and probably when we're nowhere near ready... nowhere near ready for its beats to be memorized in our every heartbeat.
We may be over someone. We may be perfectly happy single. We may be amazing on our own. But, and there will always be a "but." We will never, ever, fall out of love with love.
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