Sex, Lies, and Argentina: Gov. Sanford Should Not Resign from Public Service and Here's Why

Okay so who among us was really surprised today to hear Gov. Sanford finally admit that he had been engaged in an adulterous liaison with a woman that by his account "he had real feelings for" and who is a "dear, dear friend"?

I for one, was not.

I worked on the House GROC Committee when then Rep. Sanford was a Member of Congress in the Republican Majority. I got to know him fairly well and I liked him. I think he had and still has a bright future in politics. The irony, however, is that while I do not approve of how he handled himself as an elected public official or as a husband, I am empathetic to him and understanding of his frailty as fellow human being.

I think we all should be and here is why: I have been there. And so have many of you.

Particularly some of those of you in the media, who I personally know are some of the worst drinkers, adulterers, and worse. I find the hypocrisy of public life now to be simply ridiculous. When will we all wise up, particularly those who have deemed themselves to be the sanctimonious moral police--only to see this happen time and time again. Speaker Gingrich, President Clinton, Senator Ensign, Senator Vitter, Congressman Livingston, Congressman Burton, Congressman Foley, Senator "foot tap" Craig, Gov. Spitzer, and now Gov. Sanford.

Folks, if we are all honest many of us have been at the same moral crossroads--maybe it wasn't adultery--maybe it was something else. Maybe you were going through a rough patch, coming out of a bad relationship, maybe you had an addiction, or found yourself in the midst of a life storm that you could not quite weather. Maybe you lost your faith, and in that period found someone who was an "island" to your soul--someone who for a moment became your sanctuary. Right or wrong folks it happens because we are but dust.

I know because as I mentioned; I have been there. The greatest personal failing of my life, became my greatest strength and in the abyss I found myself. It's all about choices and how we choose to respond to sin or failings that determines who we will ultimately be in life.

Maybe you didn't cross the line as did Sanford or maybe you did, but as I listened to Sanford make his remarks and look visibly shaken at the damage he had done to his wife and children my heart broke for him, as well as for his family. I also felt for the "other woman" involved because at the end of the day folks if the governor is being truthful, he and this woman started out as friends and that friendship turned into a "spark" and from there they did what many before them and many after them do--they threw good sense and morality out the door. For a moment it was just those two people, lost in each other, "caught up" as the old folk say and they forgot about the consequences that always come when we sin.

Trust me the consequences always come.

But it is here that we all need to buckle up because it is here that we can find our character and our deepest calling in life. Affairs just don't happen folks. They start with deep self dissatisfaction, and deep longing. My guess is that the Sanford marriage was in trouble for sometime. It was just unspoken, I suspect. The good news is that now it is all on the table, and there is no place to hide. My hope is that this man and this woman can forgive, heal, and rediscover one another. My prayer is that four boys will see their dad as a man who made a serious mistake, but who had the character to admit it, and move forward a better man.

I will end by saying that I think Gov. Sanford should not resign as Governor of South Carolina and he should not allow himself to be removed as a candidate for President in 2012. Who among us is without sin? It is time we started acting like a nation of grown up adults--Christians who understand what the Bible truly teaches us about failure and sin.

My favorite biblical hero is David. And I admire David because he triumphed over great personal weakness and failures. We all know the great sin David committed with Bathsheba and we all know that God dealt with him and her severely at first--and we know that the "sword" never departed from David's house as a result of the sin. But, we never talk about what happened after that sin. One of the greatest Psalms; Psalm 51 was written after this failing--David became a better husband, father, servant and King because of his ability to move forward after inflicting great wounds on himself and his family.

My point: Gov. Sanford, don't be a quitter. Don't let the modern day pharisees run you out of politics. You are a human being. You made a terrible mistake--haven't we all. You have confessed your wrong to your wife and it appears that she is willing to give you a "chance to reconcile" the marriage. She is the only person who matters in this other than your boys. I for one wish you well and I hope that you will use this failing to teach others how not to fail. And I hope that you will teach your sons and the rest of us what it is to be a man of humility, character and honor in the midst of great adversity & personal failing.

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Comments

[Mohamed Elmeshad]

For a party that consistently puts moral values as the driving point of its agenda, and basically forces any of its nominees to include it as the crowning jewel of their platform, and qualifying factor of their character, it would be fitting for the GOP realizes that they are not God's chosen party, and their leaders are not God's warriors. If the GOP platform for governance is too weak to stand on its own, then it is time to reinforce it with some rigorous intelectual discourse and not some quasi-crusdersship in the constant struggle to protect some-now oblique- notion of American values.

Americas true values are clearly defined in a glass-encased manuscript in the Library of Congress. I ache for a time when politics becomes about policies again, a word it is neatly dervied from. These assinine and circular conversations about America's moral values will only widen the rift, and reinforce every poles' conviction that they, and only they, represent what America's about while the other side is trying to ruin it.

America is about the fact that you two are able to have this argument in public, period.

So with Sanford, I do agree with his decision to resign his GOP position, but for God's sake you're a good governor, get things right with your family, and don't let those whacko's make you feel un-American for making a mistake.
Folks count: 4

[sushi27]

My point: Gov. Sanford, don't be a quitter. Don't let the modern day pharisees run you out of politics. You are a human being. You made a terrible mistake--haven't we all.
__________­__________­__________­__________­__________­__________­_________

He shouldn't quit because he had an affair (although this huge hypocrite demanded others resign for their indiscretions) - he should quit because his conduct, as Govenor of South Carolina, was completely inappropriate and would be fired if it were any other job. He ran off like a school boy, missled his staff and the security team, deceptively parked his car in one airport lot and proceeded to fly out of another. Then there is the state financed trip under the guise of commerce - are you telling me this very smart man did not know that the USA did not allow any trade with Argentina since they stiffed us? My favorite is stating that he will now reimburse the state for airfare, etc AFTER HE WAS CAUGHT. I don't know any company that wouldn't terminate for this, period.

[Venise Alstergren]

You Americans kill me. Your forefathers went to America to escape religious persecution. By falling for the blather put out by churches today, you have betrayed the ideals of your ancestors.
Reading the posts of the righteous I notice how the bible is freely quoted. WTF has anything written 2,500 years ago have to do with today? In biblical times it was deemed to be necessary to keep bloodlines clearly defined. Women couldn't have affairs with other men because husbands wanted to know the progeny were his.
Meanwhile history has evolved. Pregnancy is no longer an issue, nor are some of the more unpleasant diseases coming from random copulation.
The sins caused by Mark Sanford were his nauseating hypocrisy, his appalling narcissism-for that is what this hyper- morality is all about and his naïvety. His wretched behaviour to his wife and family was deplorable, but scarcely a sin in the old fashioned meaning of the word.
On the other hand he has learned one marvelous thing. The wonder of falling hopelessly and desperately in love, to the point where the lover has become the most important person in his life. For the first time in his life Sanford realized he was not the be all and end all of eternity. Hopefully he will have learned to cease being a mindless robot boring everyone else with his bible quotes. And trying to enforce his picayune morals on the electorate at large. Who knows: he may even grow up?

[HowSoonIsNow]

Stop writing as if your entire country is comprised of Christians who should all follow the same dogma.

Christianity has nothing do with this...except for the fact that he used his *Christian* values to keep others in a second class state.

[thebirdstheword]

yeah, it was news to me that to be a grown-up, adult American also presupposes that you are christian.

[Sophia A. Nelson - Huffpost Blogger]

Point of clarification Howsoon and thebirds--I did not mean to suggest that America is only a Christian nation--it is not--however, it was founded on clear and distinct Christian principles and those principles are in all of our founding documents, on our public buildings, on our money, in our pledge, etc. My point was that if Sanford and others want to use Christian values in politics they had better understand what it means to be a Christian or person of faith it means you will fall down, fail, sin, and mess up A LOT. It is not what they all have been peddling as some constant state of perfection.

[Brillig]

And frankly, it is only CHILDREN that don't want to be ruled by some kind of authority, moral or otherwise.

[LeftRight]

Considering that those of us who are not Christians are saying "Live and let live" and actually LIVING that life, then yes, I would say so.

I'm sorry, but I won't tell you how to live your life, that's your own job to figure that one out. I would appreciate the same courtesy back to me!

[TeeGeeCee]

I actually tend to agree with you. IF this had simply been about marital infidelity, then there really wouldn't be too much of a call for him to resign. But it went beyond that when he used taxpayer money to finance these trips, and most especially when he left the country without leaving anyone in charge. These are examples of his failure as governor, not as a husband, and why he should resign.

As for his "morality", what infuriates me is all the outrage from conservatives about how the sanctity of marriage is threatened by "THE GAY AGENDA" (insert ominous music here). The hypocrisy of conservative GOP politicians who refuse to allow me & my partner of 12 years to be legally wed only to go off and have affairs at the taxpayers expense is just mind boggling.

[Sophia A. Nelson - Huffpost Blogger]

I think you make very fair and valid points Tee

[Brillig]

Why don't you go get married in a State that permits marriage? And for that matter, why not relocate.

Maybe because you don't REALLY want to be MARRIED? Just want to mess it up for those who do.

You are really not much different from the heterosexuals who really don't want to marry but feel compelled to by societal norms - how convenient for you and your partner that you can keep pretending you want to put your neck in the noose, but won't take the steps to do so.......

[Ageekymom]

Boy! That was a leap from what Tee was saying, don't you think? As someone who's been married for almost 25 years, I can't fathom how allowing ANY loving couple to marry would mess up my marriage. Care to explain that line of thinking?

[slash77]

Wow…. It is really difficult for me to understand your purpose for writing an article justifying why an elected public official in an adulterous relationship should keep his job and still be considered a candidate for President. “the sanctimonious moral police” seems to be Stanford and the Republican Party. Quite frankly, it does not mater what party your are a member of…. Elected public official have an obligation to maintain high moral standards, if they cannot then they need to leave public service. These are not the role models we need in these positions of great influence. Simple put…there is not justification and he must resign and end his political aspirations!

[Sophia A. Nelson - Huffpost Blogger]

we just respectfully will have to disagree.

[slash77]

Truth is... let us get and learn all the facts.... too early for judgement

[gayinmt]

Personally, I don't care who he sleeps with. At the same time, he shouldn't care who I sleep with. I'm sick of these politicians bumping uglies while thumping bibles. Is this the kind of marriage NOM is working so hard to protect? If he called for other cheaters to step down, which I believe he has, then the Sanford of today should listen to the Sanford of yesterday. Or was that just feigned indignation back then? Either way he's a lying, cheating hypocrite.

[Sophia A. Nelson - Huffpost Blogger]

He is all you say--my point is can he grow from this and be a better Gov, Husband and man. Isn't that what we all want when we sin??

[papapj]

He had his chance - he BLEW IT by betraying the public trust (use of public funds) and displaying rank hypocrisy in his assessment of others. There are many, many more capable folk who can fill his shoes more than adequately.

Why the hell should he get another chance?

[LeftRight]

First, it's not a sin in my mind that he was cheating on his wife.

Second, I would be willing to let him learn and grow from his actions, were it not for the fact that this very same man has been unwilling to let OTHERS learn and grow from their actions in the past!!!! If Bob is standing over there telling me how immoral I am for..... I don't know, growing petunias, and then I look into his back yard and he's growing them TOO, I'm not ever going to listen to his moralizing again!!!

THAT is the point being made that you cannot seem to grasp!!

[Venise Alstergren]

Who says his behaviour was a sin? It was regrettable, arrogant, deceitful, rude, non-caring, not giving a stuff about his family, unforgivable, distasteful, all those sort of adjectival words.
But to label it as sin-as set down in the bible-is horse-hit.
It would have been a very relevant sin two and a half thousand years ago. The husband wanted to know the progeny were his. There was disease to worry about, and, of course, the ghastly reality that the woman would be stoned to death. The betrayed wife didn't have much to look forward to, she would have become an embarrassment.
In case no one had noticed--hey! this is the twenty-first century, not a flea-ridden circle of leathery, toothless peasants sitting around a camp fire.
It is tragic in an age when scientists, bio-chemists, biologists, archeologists and doctors are working towards the enlightenment and advancement in this wonderful world are denied time after time by ignorant people wanting to keep the world in the Dark Ages.

[HPdevotee]

King David...huh.

http://freethought.mbdojo.com/david.html

I can see why Sanford's actions don't concern you that much if this is your favorite 'Hero'.

[papapj]

Ooh...thanks for that!

[LeftRight]

That's good, thank you very much!!

Of course, it matches well with the bible thumpers.....

[Curandera]

"My favorite biblical hero is David. And I admire David because he triumphed over great personal weakness and failures. We all know the great sin David committed with Bathsheba and we all know that God dealt with him and her severely at first--and we know that the "sword" never departed from David's house as a result of the sin. But, we never talk about what happened after that sin. ...Psalm 51 was written after this failing--David became a better husband, father, servant and King because of his ability to move forward after inflicting great wounds on himself and his family."

David also brought back Bathsheba's husband back from battle to have sex with her to try to cover up the adultery and when that didn't work, sent him back to battle with an order to command to set him up to die. David did say sorry and did remain in office. I guess becoming a better father, servant and King is all that matters unless you were Bathsheba's husband, her dead child or one of his populace was stoned to death per Bible edict. Their apologies were not accepted by God or David.

The Bible also says we should treat others as we would want ourselves to be treated. We know how Sanford wants us to treat him right? Sanford was pretty clear about wanting Clinton, Ensign, and Craig to resign. So...

This is the result when you go digging into the Bible for lessons and heroes.

[Sophia A. Nelson - Huffpost Blogger]

You folks are hilarious you are the sanctimonious hypocrites because you cannot see the human frailty in this and he did get what he deserved for being an adulterer as did David. But David repented from his great sins that you point out and he was a better servant, man and King. That is all I am saying.

[HPdevotee]

Here's the thing, you made a choice to compare your king David reference to Mr.Sanford's situation. Because in the sentence immediately following you state,"My point: Gov. Sanford, don't be a quitter. Don't let the modern day pharisees run you out of politics." Your use of the word 'pharisees' serves as the contextual clue that you are referring to king David. I'm sure you are aware of this...I just mention it to be clear.

So, the above posts were merely pointing out that it was your reference/­comparison that was being challenged.
King David was a brutal man his whole life...even upon his de.ath bed he called for bl.ood (1 Kings 2.5,34). Thus, your point of David's being a better man after repenting is at best self-deceiving and at worst, purposely disingenuous and the comments were made to point out this fact.

So, I ask you...how does this make one a 'sanctimonious hypocrite'?

[Ageekymom]

Sanford admitted his affair to his wife months ago (she caught him, he didn't confess this to her - there's a difference) and she agreed to forgive him and to try to make their marriage work. My assumption here is that he was going to repent, break off the relationship, and work on his marriage. He didn't. Instead, he had the nerve to ask his wife if he could see his mistress. His wife asked him not to, and he did it anyway. Where is his repentance? He only stepped up to the microphone and admitted his human frailties when his sins were about to to be made public. Very heroic!

[FloresdelaHoz]

If he loves Maria, which he appears to love very much, maybe he should get divorce and move down to Buenos Aires. Argentine women are generally very elegant and refine. Just the opposite of the angry Fox News barbie dolls.

[Ageekymom]

It was my understanding that Maria is/was married. Besides, if he cheated on his first wife with her, who's to say he won't cheat on Maria with someone else? Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last.

[rixter1965]

Wow! Talk about drinking the Kool-Aid...

Most Americans could care less about a politician's personal life. It's hypocrisy that riles them. But even that is not the point...

In "following his heart" all the way to Argentina, he abdicated his responsibilities as governor. Infidelity is immaterial; it's about his emotional stability at this point and understanding that as Governor of South Carolina, skipping the country is not an example of leadership.

[trisha08]

Wait a minute here. He just admitted to an ongoing affair (only because he was caught) and was crying because his whole world and political future are at risk........and you equate him to a biblical character? Wow...that's a stretch.

He wife told him to leave and he was "crying in Argentina" because he wanted the best of both worlds and it was all coming apart. He wanted the wife at home and exotic mistress, moral authority/example of a fine Christian with family values.....and hot steamy sex in Argentina (see emails).

Maybe if he had this affair on his own dime and his own time it would be different.

But, by his own actions, he made this a public issue. He lied, cheated, stole money from the citizens of S. Carolina to get some action, he left the Country without telling anyone where he was going, or without making proper arrangements for the citizens of his state to have a someone in charge.

HE made this about his competency as a Governor, and he failed.

[Sophia A. Nelson - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey Trisha why do you think the Bible was written?? For saints or sinners?
Why do you think David's story is in there--to show the good of man or the weakness of man?
What is the lesson of the man God calls, "a man after his own heart"--that after you commit murder, adultery and everything else you should kill yourself and die or you can repent, confess and do better? That is my point. Yes, I rightly compared him to a biblical character.

[papapj]

The Bible was written for control. Control of weak minds who seek peace from without, not within. It is a book of FICTION written centuries after the supposed events happened about people who have no historical or archaeological evidence of even having existed, by men who sought to mentally enslave those who don't know better.

If these are the standards YOU live by, so be it - you are free to use whichever chains you choose to shackle your mind - but don't hold others to standards imposed by MEN who have used it as an excuse to cause more misery and suffering on mankind than any other tome..and that's the truth. More people have died in the name of religion than anything else...FACT.

[LeftRight]

The bible was written so that the powerful could control the weak. That's IT, the ONLY reason!!

[joemondo]

Sanford has used his position and power to interfere in other people's families, imposing his morality on their lives and choices.

It is untenable for him to be held to a different standard.

He has to go.

[papapj]

Hear, hear!

[K2isnothome]

Word.

[trisha08]

Come on....his humble "act" only happened because he got caught. Remember, this man just spent 7 steamy (did you read his emails?) days in Argentina with his lover.

By the time he arrived at the airport, he knew the facts were hitting the fan so he decided to try and beat the press to the punchline.

You give him too much credit. He wouldn't have come forward to confess his sins if he hadn't been caught.

[Ageekymom]

Exactly!

[Venise Alstergren]

True, but I bet he had a wonderful time in Buenos Aires! Who knows, he may even become a human being who has learned he is merely a man and that preaching to others is an exercise in Narcissism.
Although as I gather a heap of reality around me I do realize what you say is correct. Cheers V.

[trisha08]

You said, "Christians who understand what the Bible truly teaches us about failure and sin.
My favorite biblical hero is David. And I admire David because he triumphed over great personal weakness and failures."

You have got to be kidding me. You are trying to equate Sanford to a biblical character?

He just confessed to an ongoing affiar, he lied to his wife, children, the citizens of S. Carolina, used public funds to pay for his trips, and you are equating him to David???? OMG. I am just stunned.

"Sin" has it's consequenc­es......Fo­rgiving others is one thing, but for the citizens of S. Carolina (or the USA--as you suggest) to trust this man with their money, their safety (he just left the Country without anyone in charge of S. Carolina) is just bull.

Go ahead....forgive him if you want, but trust and respect are earned.....and he just failed the test.

[Sophia A. Nelson - Huffpost Blogger]

YES YES YES YES YES read the story of David--he was a MAN, a murderous, adulterous very sinful one--not following this comparison rant some of you are on--HELLO--David was a man elected/appointed to HIGH OFFICE and he F%$#@ UP!!!!!