What About Joan Kennedy: Doesn't She Deserve an Honorable Mention Too?

As I sat over the past 48 hours or so and watched the media coverage of the extraordinary life of Senator Edward M. Kennedy, something struck me as being unfair: What about the former Mrs. Edward Kennedy -- Joan Bennett Kennedy?

I don't mean any disrespect whatsoever toward the current Mrs. Ted Kennedy, but I was a bit put off today at the Memorial service in the Boston Church that no-one in their eulogy mentioned that Joan was there for the late Senator and her children through the "worst of times." The first wife usually is.

The challenge for me in all of this is not that Vicky Reggie Kennedy did not deserve all of the kudos she got for "saving Ted's life' -- she does, but that the first wife, Joan Bennett (who was quietly present at the Memorial services today) deserves a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T too. Let us not forget that like Ethel and Jackie before her, she was there through the first Senate campaign, the airplane crash that landed her husband bed-ridden (as she campaigned for him all through Massachusetts and helped him win an impressive victory), the horrific death of JFK, the tragic death of RFK, the stroke of Joseph P. Kennedy Sr., Chappaquidick, the womanizing, the drinking, the challenges to the health of their children, the 1980 campaign against Carter, and on and on.

Joan is probably the most unfortunate of all the Kennedy wives, because at least Jackie and Ethel (for all they endured) are loved and revered in our political and social pop culture. The images of the two young grieving widows are indelibly etched in our American conscience forever.

But what about Joan? Where does she fit into all of this?

I think she deserves an encore. She was loyal, she was faithful, she endured, she supported, she loved, she gave, she suffered, she wept, she was humiliated at times, broken at times, yet, through it all, she gets little of the credit for being the woman in the "arena" with the Lion of the Senate.

In the final analysis, I admire Ted Kennedy's life story. For all of his flaws and weaknesses -- failings -- he understood well the concept of perseverance and of "moving forward" no matter what cards life may deal us. As for Joan, I just felt that someone today needed to say "thank you" Joan for being the wind beneath Ted's wings for the first part of his life's journey. Thank you for your brave battle with alcoholism and for your love of your children. Lastly, thank you for having the class and grace to sit through a Memorial Service today in honor of your late husband -- a service that had to be hard for you as you once loved this man and gave him three (3) children. It could not have been easy to listen to another woman get all of the praise and kudos -- and be called "the love of Ted's life" after you were so loyal and true.

So I say thank you Joan Kennedy for all you did. May God grant you peace and joy in the twilight years of your life.

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Comments

[ctrombley]

My mother is an avid Kennedy follower as well as a woman of impeccible taste from Grosse Pointe Michigan. She thought that the lack of recognition of the first Mrs. Kennedy was a glaring omission, particularly from her children. So that, as they say, is that.

[Duchin]

Joan chose and deserves to do this in her own way and without pity. Yes, she has battled alcoholism and is one of the few members of the family who has addressed it. She is an extremely courageous and talented woman who, at the very least has tried sobriety and continues to strive to be healthy in the face of so much public scrutiny. She may not be a "Kennedy", but she has equal amounts of strength, grace and humor. Does she deserve credit and to be mentioned at the funeral and memorials? Does any first wife after a painful public divorce? Everyone who truly knows Joan knows that she stood by him-that they both suffered immensely in this life.

[WendellPerrySociety]

I agree there should have been some honorable mention at some point, fully understanding that Vickie has been his legal wife for the last two decades - but note, that her two sons spoke before the President and neither mentioned her.

[Roose]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing this up.

It was surreal, like Joan never existed and it was always Vicki.

Everybody sucking up to Vicki including the media and once again Joan treated like an outcast. No mention of the mother of Ted's three children who put up with his blatant drinking and wanton womanizing, endured ridicule, scandals and miscarriages and at the end Ted still couldn't even try to be magnanimous towards her. Ted should have written two letters of forgiveness one to the pope and the other to Joan.

[Giada]

Thank you for the blog and for this post. Joan has long been my favorite Kennedy, alcohol or not, she has endured. Ted writes of his pain of dealing with a son with cancer and never mentions Joan's pain as the mother.

[jessicajuliette]

OMG- I just said this to my daugfhter last evening, i felt vicki could have been praised but not by acting like joan neer existed. to be called "the love of his life " with joan there sorta says yeah joan was just an also ran.
my daughter says as a first wife i am super sensitive, but i agree that they could have just said he and viki loved each other deeply, and not make it like he never knew love til viki came along.
i agree the kids could have acknowledged that mom together with dad, have been incredible parents,
etc.
agree, joan did endure a lot, BECAUSE OF HIM--it could be mentioned that she stood with him during those early years of political battles,etc. and they know ted as well as they appreciated her for it....

[JamesA1102]

Joan battled alcoholism and other problems for many years and not very successfully.

Her later years have been shaped by chronic alcoholism, which had appeared during her marriage. It escalated with sporadic, uneven sobriety, repeated drunk-driving arrests, court-ordered rehabilitation and a return to drinking. This ultimately led to kidney damage, with the possibility of dialysis and protracted complications from increasingly strict legal guardianship.

It is Teddy (and Vikki) who should be commended here for making sure that Joan was always taken care even after the marrige was over.

[ozgirl58]

I write from Sydney Australia and watched the funeral yesterday. I to wondered about Joan so thank you for your thoughts about her.I thought at least one of the children would of mentioned their mother in their speeches.

[dct1999]

How do you know she was faithful and loyal?

[myna]

In what way was Ethel "loved and revered revered in our political and social pop culture"?

[myna]

Excuse me. I meant to add to my post that I, too, had asked the same question, as well as the one below.

[textedit]

I wondered about her yesterday, also, but did see her in Church. I Googled her name last night and read articles about her condition, but some also mentioned that she has a house on Hyannis and is included in family gatherings, etc. There was also a photo of her at Eunice Shriver's funeral and one taken recently of many family members from three generations at Hyannisport. She was pictured smiling, sitting there among her grandchildren and children, as was Ethel Kennedy and her many offspring. So, perhaps, she was the one who requested that she not be singled out. I agree, however, with many of the posters who mentioned that she had to go through the" terrible years" and certainly deserves recognition. So, does Vicki Kennedy, who did seem to have turned Sen. Kennedy's personal life around.

[jkh]

Joan and Ted were married for 24 years . Vicki and Ted for 17. And who is to judge the quality or significance of either marriage . I did read today that Ted and Joan's marriage was annulled by the Catholic Church because he had made a false statement when he had promised to be faithful. Do NOT get me going on the farce of the Catholic Church annulment process.
Ted Kennedy planned his funeral, with his family and I am sure Joan was consulted or made her wishes known. I feel that she should have been in the second row with Eunice, and Sargent Shriver, and that it was only the stigma of her alcoholism that kept her out of it. And that is a disgrace. The lack of acknowledgment by all of the speakers, with the exception of that one dear priest, was a disgrace, Goddess bless this woman who held her family together through 24 long years, and who still suffers from a cruel,misunderstood and mistreated disease. When you get glioblastoma, you know that you will die, but consider the amazing steps taken to prolong Senator Ted's life. As an alcoholic, you are given a big book and sent to AA meetings Not so much help. There is so much more that medial science could have done in the last 35 years to care for Joan Kennedy's disease. Where was the research, will and initiative? Many blessings to her, and to Patrick. Advocate. Legislate. Never give up.

[JamesA1102]

That's not true. The reason the annulment was issued was Joan's alcoholism and other problems.

[HelloFunnyWorld]

To JamesA1102 ~ You know, it wont harm you in the least to be a Mensch and be kind to the first Mrs.K as well.... now would it?

As for your comment "....even after the marriage was over." Free speech or not, please note: One does not say stuff like that at times like this.

For the simple reason - When a couple has kids, one cannot not simply dispose off a human being like one would an inanimate object one does not like or need any more. Divorce changes nothing when couples share kids in common.

Once you have kids with your spouse/partner, you are both, all, connected for Eternity. How is it so many good people forget this fact.... (No wonder Family Law is so messed up... jeez....)

With many thanks to you, Sophia A. Nelson for thinking about the first Mrs. TK and then letting us all know it - And yes, she certainly does deserve an honourable mention. Perhaps even more than an honourable mention coming to think of it now....

[MNmommy]

Joan was walking around and chatting with many before the mass began; I was saddened to see that she's afflicted with tardive dyskenisia (a side effect of taking anti-psychotics), which I first noted on Thursday when they were leaving the compound on Thursday.. I saw her go up and speak to President Bush, in fact. Would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.

I think one of the priests acknowledged her during the mass.

Beyond that, silence.

Silence is how the Kennedy's seem to approach the mental illness both within the family and without. I don't understand why it's easier for them to acknowledge addiction than mental illness, but even Patrick during his eulogy preferred to acknowledge his addiction issues instead of his underlying bipolar. I suppose it's because of what happened to Rosemary, but there you have it.

Joan deserved better, and the country's mentally ill deserved better as well.

[LaurieAnn]

It is so sad to see that mental illnesses and to some extent developmental disorders are still feared and those with them shunned or self-marginalized as though they were a character flaw.

I do wish to acknowledge the Kennedy/Shriver family's devotion to the Special Olympics and the late John F. Kennedy Jr.'s interest in improving the training options and pay for mental health care workers. While it is most likely a way to compensate for Joe Kennedy's treatment of Rosemary, these contributions have helped millions of Americans.

[katielady]

Joan was there.. and was included as part of the family. There was no disrespect. Vicki was Ted's legal wife for the last 17 years. Ted and Joan divorced and they arrived at a respectful and amicable relationship. She was by no means abandoned...

[dakotawoman]

Depends on what you mean by abandoned.

He goes on to forgiveness and a "free pass" after a divorce (which for Catholics in good standing as they say Ted was, I thought was forbidden) and a joyful new marriage and wife and glory --while she descends into loneliness, obscurity and illness.

Yeah.

[Leesee]

Thanks for this essay -- I had been thinking that the first Mrs. Edward M. Kennedy had been unduly placed too far in the background. She was part of history, too, not just his, but ours, and she deserves to be recognized for the support and love she gave Senator Kennedy for the many years they were together.

[KateMc]

I would also like to add a thank you for writing this. We watched the coverage on CNN wall to wall and only one priest even mentioned or recognized her. Respectfully, he acknowledged her as "the mother of Ted's children," a nice way of handling it if there were consternation on the part of Vicky or others about her presence. As much as I commend all that Ted did, and am deeply saddened about his passing, his hand must have been in how Joan was handled during the past two days. And that also makes me sad.

[BlueInTheFace]

My thoughts exactly! While I appreciated the beautiful service, I was deeply pained by the omission of Joan. Although she likely did not ask to be recognized, I know it must have hurt like hell...again, to be dismissed. After all, without Joan's 5 month campaign for her husband 1st full term run for the Senate, there would be no Sen. Teddy Kennedy. She was relentless while he was confined to the bed with a broken back. She completely took over his campaign schedule and won it for him. Her role was pivitol in what was to come of Teddy. I admire her sacrifices. I said to my husband yesterday that to endure all the humiliation in those early years, was remarkable. Many other women would have also turned to alcohol. She was there for the Senator through the losses John and Robert, 3 miscarriages, Mary Jo Kopechni, Teddy's subsequent campaigns, the loss of his father, and other trials and triumphs. Someone should have simply acknowledged her. True, the funeral was not about Joan, but nor was it about Vicki --- but since they ALL acknowledged Vicki so reverently , could anyone have just had enough class to recognize Joan for being the one there through the most trying years of the Senator's life (don't you dare say those were not the most trying years, because they truly were)! Thank you Sophia for your sensitivity towards Joan, the first Mrs. Edward Kennedy.

[angelpuff]

Hurray to all the people who have commented on the omission of Joan Kennedy.
Maybe she did and maybe she didn't choose to be ommitted from any part of this. But the bottom line is, she was a part of Ted's life for more than twenty-five years and gave birth to his three children. She should never have been excluded by Vickie or her children. She was a major part of their lives, she went thrru "hell", and should have been a part of all this, as so many other people were, people that weren't even married to Ted. Thank Yoiu Sophia for bringing this very sad matter up. There are many, many people who feel the same as we do - Where was Joan ??

[cassiegirl]

I was happy to see Joan seated in around the 7th row at the church service yesterday. She deserved and earned her presence to mourn along with her children. Someone, I suspect Vickie, made that all okay for her. My former spouse passed away two years ago. His widow is no Vickie.