THE BLOG
10/11/2011 12:20 pm ET Updated Dec 11, 2011

The Unsupportive Spouse and Why They Are Killing Your Entrepreneurial Dream

Your married, engaged, living with or just really committed to someone that doesn't understand why you choose uncertainty over 'job security', that doesn't understand why you need to go on this seminar, or by that book or work with that coach. Is always the first one to point out when your cash flow isn't flowing, and is quick to remind you that you are the reason for all the arguments because you were just not happy with having enough?

Sound familiar?

I have been where you are and that is why I am writing this post today because so many entrepreneurs give up their dreams because of the external voice of their loved one.

Sometimes the road to success requires you to be selfish; the road to serenity sometimes requires you to live in a state of uncertainty. And sometimes you just have to accept, that no matter how you explain your reason for quitting your 'secure job' to run your own business, it will never be understood. And the sooner you understand that fact the sooner you will create room for your business to grow.

Entrepreneurs are risk takers and the majority of this world are not, they understand having a 9-5, doing without and hoping that in their old age their pension will be enough to give them a half decent life.

I will also add that often when you hear 'advice' ask yourself the question 'who does it benefit?' is the person that is giving you the advice trying to get you to stop running your own business because of their insecurities, fear of failure or their aversion to risk? Or is it for your benefit?

I have worked for myself in different capacities for the last 10 years and something that I know to be true is that people don't go into business on a whim, if you're an entrepreneur it means that you have faith and that you have walked out onto your own leading edge and decided to take ownership of your financial future. Its means that you are not happy to settle for just enough and live a half lived life.

So firstly I am going to tell you stop acting like a wimp and complaining that your loved one doesn't understand why you are trying to run your own business. And start running your business. Only profit will help your loved one to understand that you are doing the right thing.

And secondly here are my steps to stop allowing your loved one to kill your entrepreneurial dream and how to get them to start being on your side.

1. Less talking, more action: Words mean nothing, it's all about the bottom line every month share your profit and forecast for the next month.

2. Everyone wants to feel included: Don't hide what you are doing, once a week why not tell your loved one what's new in your business, the blog you have written for, the speaking gig you have secured etc.

3. Let your loved one help: What skill does you loved one have that could add to the business, sometimes they just want to help, and it goes back to point 3 about being included. If your loved one is an accountant let him do your accounts.

4. Don't be a seminar junkie: If there is something that turns off a loved one more than anything it is about hearing the latest quick fix course that is going to solve your problems. There is nothing wrong with working with coaches I am a coach myself but if every day you are talking about working with someone else then that is a major turn off. Why not instead do some research, write a list of all your weak points and find a coach or seminar that can help you in your weak areas. Then once your research is complete present your findings to your loved one.

5. Share the vision: Paint the picture, talk to your loved one about how happy running your business makes you feel, tell your loved one what your 12 months, 3 year and 5 year vision is.

6. Don't put down your loved one: Don't be negative, don't put down your loved one. You have to understand they love you and also they have insecurities. When they say something you don't like listen and then say what you want to say.

7. Focus on how good it will feel when your loved one is supporting you: It's easy to call your loved one names, why not instead focus on how great it will feel when your spouse is supporting you. Remember that what you focus on you get. The more you focus on the arguments you have, the more arguments you will have.

Being an entrepreneur is not a dirty secret, and should not be treated as one.

Based on my own personal experience my spouse was only unsupportive when I didn't communicate effectively with him, once I did he changed and now he is so supportive and helps me in any way that he can.

Speak up, share, include and watch the transformation not just your business but in your relationship.