THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Sophie Keller Headshot

How Happy Is Your Home: 5 Ways To Stop Beating Yourself Up

Posted: Updated:

Okay, so if you read my article two weeks ago - '5 Tips to Chilling Out' - you don't need to read this one, unless you want a reminder. However, I really felt that the tips got lost amongst the excitement of the Democratic Convention and there were lots of articles that had 'Chilling Out' in the title. So I have changed the title to a less enigmatic one and am reposting this for anyone who missed it. This article is about letting go of habits and behaviors that cause us to waste a lot of precious energy. You might recognize that you have a habit of doing one of these things or all five, but all of them subtly drain our internal resources. My intention in giving you these tips this week is to help you release that self imposed, extra weight that we carry around on our shoulders.

TIP 1: Stop being so hard on yourself to be so many things, to so many people, so much of the time, especially to yourself. A driving need to prove your special ness can be very tiring. If you start from the place of being ordinary and use your natural gifts and abilities to express yourself in your unique fashion and make a difference in the world it will take so much less effort. If you let go of the need to be special, you will probably achieve way more by being a bit more relaxed with yourself.

TIP 2: We connect with others through our vulnerability, rather than putting on an armored front of being able to cope with anything. So if you need help, advice or support, ask for it. Many of us really feel happy and fulfilled if we have the ability to help someone else out. We like to feel useful and needed and tend to get a lot of joy from giving to others. So by asking for help, you are also giving to the other person who you are asking for it from.

TIP3: Strip the word 'failure' from your vocabulary and replace it with feedback. The idea that we have failed at something is so emotionally tiring and debilitating, it leaves us feeling inadequate and not good enough. But if we replace the word 'failure' with 'feedback' there is a sense that we are flexible enough to take what we are aiming to achieve and if our approach hasn't worked, to try approaching it from another perspective, without beating ourselves up that the last way didn't work.

TIP 4: Accept that you have a dark side and embrace it. So maybe you have times when you feel envious, that you are being selfish or insensitive. So what! Put your hand in the air and cop to it. These feelings come and go and they are not who you are. There's something so self-accepting in recognizing that we can be dark and have negative emotions. Stuffing these negative feelings down is so draining as it takes so much effort to pretend that they don't exist. Instead, look at what the negative emotion is about, as it gives us an indication where we need to heal. E.g. If it's jealousy, maybe you have a fear that there isn't enough to go round. But when you really look in to it, it's obvious that there is. By the way, fear is usually at the bottom of it.

TIP 5: Stop judging others and being critical. Decide not to say a bad word about anybody. It will really help raise your vibration, help you store energy and make you more pleasant to be around. When you talk badly of others, usually the person listening will see it more of a reflection of who you are, than the person you are discussing. It always bothers me when someone does this, as I know that they could just as easily talk badly about me. For many, this can be a tough one, but taking a judgmental position is really non-conducive for retaining energy. It also doesn't help build trust in relationships and isn't too good for your karma either!

That's it for this week. I am now going to take a month's break from giving you my weekly tips for two reasons. Firstly, I am off to Europe to see my family and secondly, I am building my new website which will be launched in October. You can get the last 12 weeks of tips by searching for 'How Happy is Your Home?' And I will have lots more tips for you when I return in October.
In the meantime, if you want to make contact with me, I would love to hear from you, so please feel free to e-mail me at sophie@howhappyis.com. I will be answering all my e-mails. Have a great few weeks!

From Our Partners