Marriage Advice: Let Go of Being Right

This post is part of Sophie Keller's "How Happy Is" series on The Huffington Post. This week, Sophie offers marriage advice:

When you're in a disagreement, ask yourself if it's more important to be "right" or to make your relationship work. If it's more important to be "right," then don't be surprised if your relationship doesn't work in the long run. If it's more important to make your relationship work, be prepared to let things go and "lose the battle in order to win the war."

If you look at young children and how they play with each other, their priority is to be happy, not to be right. My son, Judah, can have a scrap with another child and even if the other child is wrong, Judah will let it go quickly because for him it is much more important to be happy than to hold a grudge.

Unfortunately, we often lose sight of this perspective as we get older, but next time you're tempted to hold a grudge because you think "you're right," take a lesson out of a child's book and choose to be happy over your need to be right all the time.

WATCH:

Watch How the Books Can Help You Now! from Sophie Keller on Vimeo.

More Marriage Advice From Sophie Keller:

Remember That The Little Things Count

Be Physically Affectionate

Don't Compromise -- Do This Instead

How Happy Is Your Marriage?

More Love Advice From Sophie Keller:

What You See Is What You Get

MIx With People Whose Relationships Work

Dare To Be A Beginner Again

Repair Family Rifts First

How Happy Is Your Love Life?

 

 

 

Follow Sophie Keller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Sophie_Keller

Comments

[EdCorey1971]

03:46 PM on 12/19/2011

This is sound advice. Sometimes you just have to decide what is important and what is trivial. When I was younger, everything was a life and death battle. I had to be right and she had to know she was wrong. We would argue so much that on occasion I would let things go wrong to the detriment of myself just so I could say I told you so. I look back on how I use to handle certain situations and sometimes I have to laugh at myself. Thinking, "damn that was childish...who argues over something so simple?" Some things are just easier to let go. The particular relationship I'm talking about was going nowhere anyway, but at least I would have been less stressed.

[ae12wrangell]

10:51 PM on 12/17/2011

Two rule's for a marriage to last;

1) The wife is alway's correct.

2) If, by chance, the wife is incorrect, please refer to Rule #1.

[jf12]

11:44 PM on 12/16/2011

I think what you mean by being right is instead trying to force the other person to admit you're right. I'm essentially always right, but almost never get that admitted to my face. Hence there is nothing to let go.

[Zalkreb]

11:37 AM on 12/19/2011

This is very well put. A lot of people, perhaps including myself, have struggled with the idea that it's okay to just do what you think is right without attempting to get agreement from your partner or whoever else is involved. At some point, attempting to reach agreement or consensus tends to involve trying to convince somebody else they are wrong, their idea is bad, etc. And I think that can be worse than just saying that you are not going to do that, you are not going to be part of that, whatever that is, and you are going to do something else.

So, a lot of times, guys, my advice from my Olympian mount of experience (a lot of it bad, unfortunately) is not to try to convince her you're right at all. Once it is clear you are opposed, just tell her what you're going to do or not do, and she can make of it whatever she wants to, be as upset as she wants, do what she wants. If nothing else, it grants her the freedom to do what she thinks is right, which is only fair.