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Capitalism to Be Replaced By Surrealism

Posted: 10/02/11 09:03 PM ET

In a stunning move, capitalism will be replaced by surrealism as a system for guiding world economies. "Today's financial structure needs a radical change," said new Secretary of the Treasury Philippe de La Fou, whose face is a Bolinder semi-diesel hot bulb engine. "Long live the new way! Purple monkey butter churn!"

Under surrealism, price determination will be based on the toss of a two-headed cloud during the hours of 3:00am to eleventy-never, while money will be different kinds of soup, ranging from New England barbed wire to cream of enervation. "Competition now leads to sunshine and the sound of a million celestial harps," said market analyst Joann Brimsburl. "Until it does not. Or does. Or was. Spoon."

Some feel these measures do not go nearly far enough, like Dada Ambassador Trill Hockhorn III, who commented, "Ear crotch!" while urinating into the mouth of a Raggedy Ann doll. Others, like economist Douglas Stantold, said, "How is this any different from what's currently happening?"