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Everyone Reading This Is Racist (Except for Those Who Aren't)

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The National Administration of Racism (NAR) released a sweeping statement today, accusing everyone outside The National Administration of Racism of being racist, with the exception of those who are not racist.

"We are not condemning everyone outside our organization as being racist," said NAR Chairperson Michael L. Turnstone. "We are only condemning those people who actually are racist, which would be everyone."

A spokesperson for Everyone Outside the National Administration of Racism (EONAR) immediately released its own statement, noting its members are not only not racist but that any members who actually are racist would be welcome since, by definition, EONAR could not welcome racist members.

"Perhaps we have members who are racist," said EONAR spokesperson Lindsay Cakehill. "But since our organization does not tolerate racism, it is clear that they cannot be racist, even if they are, which they are not."

Cakehill went on to say that NAR's opposition to racism could be interpreted as racism of the most pernicious, racist kind.

"Any organization that opposes racism so strongly is probably more racist than an organization that doesn't oppose racism, except for those organizations that are not racist."

NAR followed up with a statement refuting the EONAR statement, noting: "This is clearly Everyone Outside the National Administration of Racism's attempt to foster racism through its toleration of members who are not racist but may be racist depending upon their racism, which may or may not exist."

Turnstone clarified his first statement, saying that those parts having to do with racism were taken out of context, an act which in itself is probably, but not exclusively, racist.

"EONAR is clearly unable to look at its own institutional racism," said Turnstone, "which clearly exists in all of its members who may or may not be racist, but are."

EONAR fired back with a statement refuting NAR's statement refuting EONAR's statement.

"NAR's repeated attempts to expose racism in our organization are much, much more racist than our own organization's racism, which doesn't exist," said Cakehill. "By exposing racism in organizations whose racist members are not racist and by pointing out the context in which this racism exists, particularly when it doesn't or might, NAR exposes its own institutional racism via-à-vis racist members whose racism is apparent, especially in those who are not racist.

Following this last statement, both organizations called each other "Nazis," then went home and had lunch.