A new amendment has been quietly added to the Constitution which requires that former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton automatically be elected President in 2016. The twenty-eighth amendment, in full, reads:
Following the end of President Barack Obama's second term as President of the United States of America, Hillary Clinton shall become President. No law or rule shall interfere with this political destiny and her rightful ascension to the presidency shall not be denied.
The so-called "inevitability" amendment was proposed by Congress and then ratified within 30 minutes by all the states' legislatures, followed by responses of exhaustion and relief. "Yes -- fine, it's done, okay? All right? Are you happy? Can we shut up about this now?" said Republican Congressman Theodore Kralek. "She's president. Leave me alone." Democratic Senator Lewton Jaspell added:
This amendment has saved the country from a bitter, costly 2016 election whose outcome was predetermined by everyone except actual voters. More importantly, everyone in Congress can officially run the clock out for the next three years.
Some members of the state legislatures later revealed confusion about what they were ratifying, like Republican representative Irwin Gallish from Louisiana, who said, "I thought the amendment was establishing Blurred Lines as the new national anthem."