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James Franco and Anne Hathaway to Replace Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News

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FRANCO HATHAWAY

CBS just announced that actors James Franco and Anne Hathaway will be replacing Katie Couric as anchor of the CBS Evening News. "Franco and Hathaway will bring a new, fresh, young, bold, sexy, glamorous, vibrant, hip, edgy, totally in-your-face feeling to the anchor desk," said CBS Embarrassingly Waning News Division spokesperson Melanie Andells. "Because, as we all know, the news itself isn't nearly as important as the people telling it to us."

To prepare for this latest assignment, Franco plans to audit three years' worth of courses in two weeks at the Columbia School of Journalism, in-between updating an article about anti-retroviral treatment for children with peripartum neviparine exposure for The New England Journal of Medicine and filming a recurring role as Betty White's love interest on the sitcom Hot in Cleveland. Hathaway's agent Tony LuPrete defended his client's broadcast qualifications, saying, "Ms. Hathaway has watched the news many times."

When asked if there are any fears of CBS repeating Franco's and Hathaway's recent disastrous stint at hosting the Oscars, Andells said, "They hosted the Oscars?"