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Kim Jong-un Threatens to Launch Nuclear War Over Facebook Changes

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North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has threatened to launch a preemptive nuclear strike against CEO Mark Zuckerberg for upcoming changes to Facebook. "The Supreme Leader is still getting used to the last time everything was changed by the Internet aggressor Zuckerberg," says Chung Mun-hee, spokesperson for Pyongyang's Foreign Ministry. "Who needs new sections for the stupid news feed? Why can't Zuckerberg just leave it all alone? Death to America."

Ironically, Kim Jong-un revealed the nuclear threat in a status update on his own Facebook profile page, which followed his post of the Grumpy Cat responding to "To thine own self be true" with "Done, asshole." In his update, Kim Jong-un accuses Zuckerberg of implementing the Facebook changes, which include bolder visuals and larger photos, as a deliberate and provocative response to North Korea's recent nuclear test. "Why does my profile have to look like a personalized newspaper now?" Kim Jong-un asks. "I hate newspapers! Everyone hates newspapers! Super angry emoticon! Death to America."

Dennis Rodman could not be reached for comment but he did change his international diplomacy status to "complicated."