THE BLOG
09/24/2013 02:26 pm ET Updated Nov 24, 2013

Man Expresses Indifference to Breaking Bad Finale, Is Found Buried in Desert

40-year-old Martin W. Lipurecki was found beaten to death and buried shortly after expressing his complete indifference to the upcoming finale of the TV series Breaking Bad. "Mr. Lipurecki's body was discovered in the To'hajiilee Navaho reservation with a note that read, 'You're an insane, degenerate piece of filth and you deserve to die,'" said detective George Tullimer. "There are countless suspects but, clearly, this was a justified homicide and if I had had the chance, I would have done the same thing to Lipurecki myself."

Despite warnings from friends and family, Mr. Lipurecki had recently updated his Facebook page with the status: "Sorry, but I just don't care about the last Breaking Bad." This triggered an immediate avalanche of vitriolic responses, threats, tweets, links, and pictures of Grumpy Cat dressed as Walter White saying, "What is wrong with you?" and "I am the one who knocks." Psychologist and FuckYouAndYourEyebrows.org webmaster Gwendolyn Porcilla explains, "Tensions are running high for fans of Breaking Bad. Once the show is over, we will have to face the absolute horror of a life without purpose or meaning. Mr. Lipurecki should have known this. He brought it all on himself...bitch!"

Members of Mr. Lipurecki's family are unsure when services will be held for Martin but they may take place some time after the airing of the final episode of Breaking Bad this Sunday, if at all. "First, we mourn the show, then we'll worry about mourning Martin," said Lipurecki's mother Judith. His headstone is expected to read: "This is what comes of your disrespect."

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