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Ten More Obamacare Delays and the President Wins a Secret Decoder Ring!

03/28/2014 01:17 pm ET | Updated May 27, 2014
  • Spencer Green Comedy Writer, 'The Parallel Universe Film Guide'

Following the latest Obamacare delay which extends the March 31st enrollment deadline, the White House announced that President Obama has to implement only ten more delays and he will win a valuable Captain Jiffy secret decoder ring.*** "This ring will enable President Obama to analyze and send super important messages to help Captain Jiffy fight crime and protect the American way," said Health and Human Services Obfuscator Maurice Hulot. "So, what's more important? A few stupid rules or making the president's dream come true?"

Some expected future Obamacare changes: extending the final open enrollment deadline to "when the red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbin' along"; allowing exceptional circumstances for not signing up to include "sun got in my eyes" and "tummy hurts"; allowing businesses with between one and ten million workers to wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more; and replacing the words "enrollment," "deadlines," "penalties," "health care" and "insurance" throughout the Affordable Care Act with smiley emoticons. "Make no mistake -- the president is doing this for the American people," said Hulot, lowering his voice dramatically. "And that's the way Captain Jiffy would want it."

*** The Lucky Strikes Smooth Radium-Fortified Cigarettes Presents Captain Jiffy and His All-American Crime Crusaders Cavalcade, NBC Radio, 1938-1942

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