Upcoming Changes for Newsweek

08/03/2010 04:43 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

- A return to hard-hitting investigative journalism: Fareed Zakaria on "Which clouds are prettiest?"

- Business section replaced by Mad Magazine fold-ins

- Sidney Harman eagerly waits for this whole "Internet" thing to blow over

- Inception team goes inside every sleeping American's head, plants message: "Weekly news magazines are more relevant than ever"

- Ghost of William Randolph Hearst hired to make up stories, blame Spain

- Minority Report precogs predict the news three weeks in advance, fool readers into thinking they have killed someone

- Farthington J. Cuddles, the financially solvent Newsweek mascot!

- Really cool fonts like "Braggadocio" and "Zapf Dingbats"

- Economic advice by Snooki: "Like, Shut the Fuck Up"

- Insightful columnist discussion: "The ways we can protect our jobs at Newsweek for at least another month"

- Letters to Editor section has secret clues that prove Paul McCartney really is dead

- Red Lobster coupons on every page

- Perez Hilton draws hilarious cum stains on photos of foreign dignitaries

- New subscription rate: $30,000 per year, $75,000 for two years