Who Are You, Really?
Identity is a funny thing. In order to feel valuable and safe, we weave together an intricate matrix of thoughts and beliefs that define who we are.
Perhaps you are a successful teacher, doctor, lawyer or politician. You may have certain affiliations or ideologies - you are American, Hispanic, female, Democrat, atheist. Or perhaps you identify with some set of your most charming attributes - you are tall, good-looking, sexy, and lovable (of course).
The carefully constructed boxes we inhabit may help us feel safe, but they also keep us terribly limited. We expend tremendous energy crafting our identity--and even more energy defending our identity against others who might intentionally or inadvertently threaten it.
Yet, none of these identities is who we really are.
For the past two weeks, I was asked by Arianna and Willow to write about my personal story, about my own identity, and the defining moments that brought me to write this column. Yet, paradoxically, the most "defining" moments of life have been those when all definition has been shattered. Let me explain...
When we let go of our myopic self-image, we create an opening for expanded states of awareness. We've all experienced an expanded state in some way - through a glimpse of breathtaking beauty that levels us, hearing the first miraculous howl of a newborn child, witnessing the animation of spirit in our lover's eyes. These experiences vaporize our superficial identity, opening us to the presence of the much larger mystery.
In a similar way, meeting the mysterious Swami in India provoked a radical and life-changing expansion. After our stroll on the beach, he sent me off to meditate. For the first time in my life, as I sat in meditation, I experienced the complete dissolution of my individual identity. The illusory perception of "Stacey," my ego with all its unsavory neuroses and identity fixations, simply dissolved. There was no differentiation in form - no remaining distinction between self and other.
The illusion of "my" existence as separate from the vastness of consciousness simply disappeared...for several blissful and liberating days. I won't attempt to describe the experience here as it would literally be impossible. Words and thoughts are by definition parceled fragments of knowledge, finite and inadequate. To "define" is to limit in scope, and this was an expansion so immense as to be limitless and profoundly indescribable. When the experience subsided, I knew everything had changed. Life had been irrevocably altered.
Through this experience, I clearly grasped the fallacy of identity. Our identity is a self-imposed prison where we are our own jailer. The ideas we defend as "me, mine, and I" are the very ideas that keep us captive from our true freedom. The small, ego self is but a paltry sliver of the brilliant, infinite Self of awakened consciousness. By clinging to a few insignificant attributes, we deny ourselves the vastness of all Being.
Once we concede our small identity, we can know the enormity of who we really are. We are set free from jail (and from the jailer!). The wise Swami later explained, "By becoming nothing, you become everything."
I had asked him to teach me how to create with more ease and joy, and this seemed to be the first lesson: let go of the struggle and the attachment to your limited identity and recognize the vast creative potential of who you really are.
"The Kingdom of Heaven is within," taught Christ. Heaven is a state of inner freedom, not confined to the afterlife but available this very moment. Surrender your limited, battle-worn identity, and you will find it. The exalted mystical teachers of all faiths have been those stabilized in this universal awareness, knowing and living the truth of the unlimited Self while walking in the world.
So I ask again: Who are you, really?
I'm sure each of you have fascinating life histories, stories that could provoke tears of tenderness and wails of triumph and delight, but which ultimately would not disclose the real you. Similarly, the story I shared these past two weeks relayed the futility of human identity, exposing the parts of "me" that were bound in limitation. I could have told the story a dozen different ways, yet none would have revealed who I really am.
While I celebrate the fascinating diversity of human expression, I ultimately long to know the real you -- the you beyond the exterior identity, the you unbounded by human limitation, the you as vast creative potential. No matter what box you've constructed for yourself, you don't fool me. I've played, for a few brief moments, in the field of oneness with you. I've seen you naked, revealed, and beautiful...and I've touched your deepest Self, where you and I dissolve into one and walk on this earth together as in heaven.
As Rumi magically expressed...
I, you, he, she, we...
In the garden of mystic
Lovers, these
Are not
True
Distinctions
*********
Exercise: I invite you to do the following exercise each night this week before bed. First, mentally review your day, briefly replaying your various activities, and then consciously releasing all "doing" for the day. Now, with pen and paper in hand, tune into your "being," asking yourself the question "Who Am I?" Fill the page with whatever answers come to mind. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? As you go deeper each night, you will peel back the layers of identity, ultimately revealing the core essence of who you really are. Who are you?
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not to mention...
futile... futile.. in other words
Look at it over a period of time. Huffingtonpost has made a lot of progress over the last year. At the moment we don't seem to be getting anywhere, but it eventually adds up.
the problem with BLOGS is that they are way too linear.
some geek-guru needs to come up with a way to display a non-linear flow...
Sounds like a book referred to me by a spiritual counselor whom I saw only once: The Power of Now. It is the most difficult book I've ever read and cannot finish it for some reason. Yet I long for continually living in that higher state.
The posters at huffingtonpost tend to be a skeptical group. We do not necessarily even want to see value in this kind of a discussion. If you charged people, even just a little bit, like for a book or a lecture, they would be invested in finding value and your points might be better received. That might be the lesson that human psychology has to teach us.
1. a while back I created a graphic "get over it"... "it" being this created persona of self. Recently I was told internally "I must get over myself". So yes, that is the challenge.
2. However, in contrast to your blissfull experience, my own vergings upon this have induced a panic reaction. At least 3 times. For me, when the the self definition actually begins to collapse..
3. It is a bit ironic that this entry of yours ends with an exercise. Because of course "who" is doing the exercise in order to transcend itself? It is just the self playing meditative games.
...the 'who' may be you indeed, the you known as your higher self. The first few times I was able to feebly attain this state it was frightening because I am nothing yet eternal, yes many 'cliches' will die and some will become vivid.
My higher self is harder to reach than the farthest galaxy, though within.
Well we are certainly many things at different times. IT is more about playing your role without identifying with the part.
So we are daughters and mothers and husbands and wives and lovers and teachers and friends...
I just saw a great movie that deals with the killing of the false Self: Sean Penn's "Into the Wild". IT is a great metaphor for stepping into the wild of life as well as literally stepping into the wild of nature to test your measure.
Simply beautiful, moving and an unexpected celbration of people. We are all truly beautiful and being kind to each other is about as good as it gets.
Today is John Lennon's b-day.
Replying to brooklyncitizen:
I appreciate your formulation "it is more about playing your role, without identifying with the part".
I would go one further, though, to suggest that we are actually quite capable of inventing/adopting different characters, with not only different roles but consequently different capabilities, mental, emotional, physical and unusual
Who am I is an essential question that is helpful for us to answer as we develop our image ego. I also suggest that we ask our children this question and they will probably say: "This is Me."
As we develop our fears and insecurities then we have some more questions: Why am I here? Where am I? What am I doing? You have some very good posts that can inspire and encourage human beings to become conscious or aware beings. Unfortunately, most people are not aware of their thoughts, actions and responsibilites as human beings. How we live our lives in relationship with all that is may determine who and what we are when compassion and love for included in the discussion.
Thank you for bringing up a spiritual subject that few in the religious communities rarely ask.
Ode to be human ... the choices are plentiful and to come into this state of oneness with all is truly where "freedom" resides. This is a daily practice (choice) and the power within this practice knows no boundaries. It seems when we choose to buy into the puppeteer/struggle paradigm is when we choose to hold ourselves in bondage to someone else's ideas. Something outside of us. To transcend this evolutionary blip is truly a choice to go within (even for five minutes per day prior to jumping out of bed in the morning)place your hands over your heart and smile in love - to yourself, your loved ones, community, strangers, the planet. Then when it's time to face your day ... the word "struggle" may be flipped to "I do what I do with my family because I love them and it just is."
There is so much in how we view things through our perceptual filters - and in those quiet moments, might a bit of a shift to the left or right angle allow my view to expand ever so much wider and vast. Peace.
How dare you interrupt my on going identity crisis with such a question. . .? KIDDING
In truth, it's really synchronous that I should read this thoughtful and refreshing piece on this particular day.
This morning during a meditation I saw and integrated an aspect of myself from which I had long been estranged though I've been meditating for decades.
In an isolating culture that so often compartmentalizes everyone and everything, it's heartwarming to be reminded of the Oneness and that which is shared by all true human beings. Merging with that vibration is indeed truly beyond words though some call it "Agape."
Long ago I had a spiritual teacher who said my biggest problem was that I was under the false presumption that all people were human beings and that they are just not so. I was livid at him for saying that. Alas, then years later, I had the rude awakening of encounters with a handful of sociopaths. Ughhh
Yet I persist in believing that the overwhelmingly vast majority of people are in potentia embodiments of LOVE incarnate striving to balance their spirits and souls.
I AM THAT I AM and so are you.
Ever since reading speculation by some astrophysicists that the primary chemical componant at the center of our galaxy might be NO2 (aka laughing gas), I've said that humor is my religion.
Today I am also a person who feels this http://www
We're an inconsequential "blip" in an incalculable universe.
Stacey,
The process of revealing the core essence of who you are can be vanity. You are what you do. Sleep on it, and you can go deeper each night as you peel back the layers of illusion that block your path. Today it is more important than ever to be in tune with what you do because We live in interesting times.
those "boxes we construct" are a little bit more than figments of our imagination.
They are spouses, parents, friends, kids who want to judge and keep you locked into that present-day mold that they hold of you.It's VERY hard to break free from. While we think we all really have great friends-change by yourself can be difficult after one realizes for themself who they are supposed to be.
Most people will have to shed thier personality-that mask each of us wears-that mask that is status quo. We must decide on individuality instead-which allows a person to look for a greater good. Personality is selfish-it wants for itself. Individuality is helpful to realize the needs of others or to see things from 2 perspectiv
to bethinCary: wanted to respond to a couple things you wrote - in my view, "the boxes we construct" COME FROM the figments of our imagination. If and when an individual actually changes the kinds of figments in imagination, the so-called outside world MUST adjust. From a naturalistic viewpoint, of course, there could be turbulence as bits and pieces re-arrange. On the other hand, I am starting to wonder whether this must necessarily be so.... whether, instead, there might be what could be termed "flash realities" ? That is: may it be, that indeed "reality" can change profoundly, literally in a flash? That there need not be "transition". It is hard to imagine how this could be so... but what if you (or I) could imagine that it could be so????
Butcher, baker, candlestick maker...we all have an identity which is written on our resume. (your resume seems to steal your topic) Anyone who works is a worker. It's like being the enlightened one, he was'nt born enlightened, he went on a journey, which of course, made him a traveller.
to Henry: we may all have an identity but are we, ONLY, that particular identity? You are absolutely correct that the historical resume, whether written or not, is a list of the formative elements of that identity.
But as you may recall, various teachers have recommended in varying ways, to ditch the resume. Jesus and the subsequent deeper Christian teachers have called this "dying to self"; whereas more contemporary shamans like Don Juan (of the Carlos Castenada books) talked about "eliminating personal history" in order to "stop the world".
One of the thought streams Stacey's original posting generated in me, was the concept that: you know what? Defining oneself as a mystic, is no less a self definition than defining oneself as, say, a far right Christian fundamentalist. In the words of a previous comment maker.. "mystic" is also a box.
So the moral of this story seems to be: better to become Nothing-At-All, or, alternatively, Everything
A slave to the puppeteers who make sure we struggle just to feed our families. Next question? Philosophy doesn't work for the hungry.
The process of revealing the core essence of who you really are might turn out to be vanity. You are what you do while you are still alive. If you strive to be in tune with what you can accomplish, you have the option of sleeping on it and going deeper each night as you peel back the layers of illusion that the reality of this modern world tends to use to block your path. Today it is more important than ever to be in tune with what you will do because We live in interesting times.
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